Looking Up

Another blow-up yesterday from the direction of Squeaker but otherwise things seem to be regaining our awkward version of normal.

I had to finally point out to Squeaker that while she may feel unloved because of the expectations and responsibilities placed upon her (I told her she had to finish homework and make-up missed chores before jumping on the new trampoline)that actually I was the one being mistreated by her not the other way around. While I will not put up with her chronic foul mouth, abuse, and disrespect, I still do love her and give her opportunities to try again to improve behavior and earn more priviliges. Within fifteen minutes she was acting cheerfully normal and right before bedtime she told me that she knew what she said about not being loved was not true. Another successful day.

Some days it feels like the old "one step forward, two steps back". However, often those "steps back" can be the springboard for some sizeable leaps ahead. As much as being yelled at and cussed at feels hugely uncomfortable and wrong, it not only allows some issues to come up that might not otherwise, but gives me the opportunity to show my kids that I love them and I'm here for them not matter what and we're in this together for the long haul. I wish I always handled it in the best way when we're in the midst of an emotional crisis but in the end I want them to know that my love and forgiveness and committment to them hasn't changed.