Geek High Five

So much going on with all the kids that I haven't been able to get my head straight to blog any of it. I feel like thoughts and ideas and worries are flying around in my brain but none of them connecting. When I described the feeling to Ana, complete with a demonstration of my index fingers shooting past each other but not meeting, she said, "Like a geek high five."

Two challenging kids back to line-of-sight supervision to protect property and the neighbors, daily lies and misdirection, irrational fears and unexplainable fits from the five year old (how will he go to kindergarten in the fall when he cries for 45 minutes because he has to go to the bathroom by himself?), keeping the littles safe from the meanness of the middles, navigating the complexities of older teens stuck somewhere in the crack between adult freedom and childish irresponsibility...all the while being constantly reminded that we don't communicate or do things like everybody's "real family". No wonder my head is rattled. These days I have no idea what I'm doing or what I've gotten myself into.

Squeaker is still acting a bit off even for her. She's cussing me out one minute and then acting super sweet and trying to engage me in coversation the next. She may be able to switch moods in 10 seconds flat but me, not so much. I don't even get how she can be so hateful and then come out and ask me sweetly for a privilege or favor while I'm still feeling freshly overhauled by her latest rage.

A renewed outburst of mean-and-nasty in which she pulled out every cruel insult and ugly word in her arsenal and shoved her bed in front of the door, resulted in her losing her activity for the evening and all privileges the next day.

I thought Saturday would be a toughy because that was the day that she was supposed to go either to Disneyland with her sister or to her cheer competition but her chronic temper had lost all privileges for the weekend. However, she did fine and was reasonably cheerful all day. I gave her a short hair cut as a fix for her hacking off big chunks from one side. She's been cutting/shaving/pulling snatches of her hair for years and I'm constantly taking her in to get it fixed so this time I did it myself.

Another cell phone went missing last week and, although I knew she and Lucky must have it, they kept it hidden for three days. I keep my bedroom door locked any time I am out of the room but this stealing thing has really gotten out of hand. shorty had set the phone down outside while he was on the trampoline and one of the girls just picked it up and slunk off unnoticed. Squeaker asked this week to go to the neighbor's house for the afternoon. Not hardly, little klepto.

Now the girls must ask permission to leave their room in the morning, go upstairs, outside or anywhere we can't see them. We must know where they are at all times even in the house. What a silly way to live. I don't want to be a jailor. Squeaker also frequently says mean things to The Boss when she thinks no one is around. But he's the biggest tattler in the house and then she hates him even more when he brings reinforcements.

As it turns out, keeping them close to home doesn't necessarily mean keeping the neighborhood safe from their obnoxiously inappropriate behavior. Monday night we got a knock on the door from one of our back-fence neighbors. Seems our sweet young ladies have been spending their time on the trampoline yelling naughty words, making fun of the neighbors in a racially disparaging way, and throwing bark and debris into their pool.

You know, I'm proud of my kids and I'm usually happy to claim them as mine but sometimes I want to say to people, "I didn't raise them that way! They didn't get that from me!"

Just sometimes.

Hello Young Lovers

I've been reminded by a few people that I haven't blogged in a bit so here I am. It's not for lack for things going on but because I'd been so annoyed for quite a bit of last week.

I've mentioned before about the massive amount of lying that goes on around here. Recently I've been amazed and aggravated at how much time is spent by the kids trying to deceive me. Right now we're in a "secret boyfriend" phase starting right at the twelve year old. Oh, but her birth mom says it's okay so I guess that one is supposed to be all right.

Last week one of the secret boyfriends actually got up the decency to come to the door and talk to me and ask (and apologize) if I had a problem with him. I told him that I had been pretty clear under what conditions he could see one of my girls. Neither he nor she had honored those conditions choosing instead to sneak around and have a relationship in secret and so, yes, that was my problem with him. If he does what I asked him to do then he may come and visit and continue to see her.

We'll just have to wait and see on that one and in the meantime I'm going to have to confront all the sneakiness. The middle girls are also sneaking each other's clothes to school and changing there so I won't know, sneaking into people's rooms to take their things, and asking to go for "walks" every day. Right. It's extremely irritating because now whenever they ask to do something I assume that they have other motives and may not actually be going to the place that they tell me. I won't even get into the covering up for one another, only outdone by the ratting each other out.

And now Valentine's Day is coming up. More drama I predict. Sigh.

Looking Up

Another blow-up yesterday from the direction of Squeaker but otherwise things seem to be regaining our awkward version of normal.

I had to finally point out to Squeaker that while she may feel unloved because of the expectations and responsibilities placed upon her (I told her she had to finish homework and make-up missed chores before jumping on the new trampoline)that actually I was the one being mistreated by her not the other way around. While I will not put up with her chronic foul mouth, abuse, and disrespect, I still do love her and give her opportunities to try again to improve behavior and earn more priviliges. Within fifteen minutes she was acting cheerfully normal and right before bedtime she told me that she knew what she said about not being loved was not true. Another successful day.

Some days it feels like the old "one step forward, two steps back". However, often those "steps back" can be the springboard for some sizeable leaps ahead. As much as being yelled at and cussed at feels hugely uncomfortable and wrong, it not only allows some issues to come up that might not otherwise, but gives me the opportunity to show my kids that I love them and I'm here for them not matter what and we're in this together for the long haul. I wish I always handled it in the best way when we're in the midst of an emotional crisis but in the end I want them to know that my love and forgiveness and committment to them hasn't changed.

Conundrum

Why is it that when teenagers around here demand to be given more rights, respect, and freedom it is usually when they are having a "teen tantrum" and acting the most childishly selfish and petty?

"It's Everywhere!"

The Boss has lots and lots of very thick, coarse, sticky-up hair. He also has some sensory issues and is easily bothered by uncomfortable things touching his skin.

This combination makes haircutting a nightmare. I have to bribe him with candy, ice cream, cookies and all other manner of junk food. For one haircut he got a donut, ice cream, and coke for breakfast following (it's was Thanksgiving morning, I can justify that has a special treat for the holiday, right?). And that's just to get him to sit in the chair.

His last haircut was, by far, the worst we've had in a while. Dreading the inevitable, I had let him get way too poofy. He thrashed, kicked, screamed, slithered off the chair, and yelled "Owie, owie, owie. It's itchy!" incessantly. Ana had to hold him while I did the best I could with the scissors. I really wanted to pull out the clippers but he about went through the roof when I suggested it even though it's a much faster solution to the poof problem.

All that movement caused the clipped hair to go down his shirt and get all over his face and hands resulting in him screaming "It's everywhere!" repeatedly. He rubbed an itchy spot on his chest until it welted and then bled. Haircuts should just not be this traumatic (and the Boss had a pretty rough time too).

He was such a stinker afterwards that he only got one piece of chocolate but at least the deed is done for another month or so.

He is pretty darn cute though!

Ignorance is Bliss

The weekend was made better by the fact that I missed a call from Squeaker's teacher on Friday letting me know she had a "rough" day on Thursday when he was out sick. On Friday when he was going to impose her in-school suspension, she flipped out and thoroughly cussed him out and had to be sent to the counselor's office. Didn't get that message until last night.

I had a lot on my mind last night regarding a few of the kids, but decided to put off worrying about it until the next day. So instead all the situations I was thinking about invaded my dreams in much worse scenarios than they actually are in real life. Hardly a restful night.

This week I get to do all the little errands and unpleasant chores I have put out of my mind and have been procrastinating on for too long. At least I won't have to keep trying to figure them out while I'm sleeping.

Rocky At Best

Squeaker's behavior continues to be somewhat erratic. She flies off the handle for no apparent reason, wallows around in anger and defiance, then recovers and is fine for a little while.

The frequency of the episodes is beginning to cause me some concern as we had these angry outbursts down to about once a week but now they are almost daily again. We went through this a few years back when we were in the process of getting a correct diagnosis and getting her meds figured out. Maybe it's time to increase them? I'm not sure. Obviously I expect some ups and downs but I haven't been able to get a straight answer from someone who knows about bipolar to know when it's "as good as it gets".

Meanwhile, since we charge a fine for use of the F-word, she has already cussed away a week and half worth of allowance. She also loses a month's worth of allowance paying me back for the shirt I bought for choir (which she dropped after three weeks in a dramatic fit of temper) and the school lunches charged to her account (because she refuses to take lunch).

She has apologized for her behavior yesterday and seems in earnest about doing extra chores to knock down her debt more quickly. However, every time someone rubs her the wrong way or she gets an answer she doesn't like, I get slammed by her disrespectful attitude and her foul mouth.

I'm beginning to dread the next four years.

*TGIAM

More emotional outbursts today. Squeaker seems to be reverting back to some of her old behaviors in many ways. She blames it on me saying she was doing good but I still treat her like a child so she's going to act like one. Yeah, well...not much I can say to that.

Her initial snarky outburst snowballed for much of the afternoon picking up a pretty nasty collection of sticks and stones along the way. By the time she really got going she was shouting at me "I'm going to kill your stupid sister." and "You're the worst mom in the world."and "I hate you!" to the both of us, throwing in plenty of profanities for good measure punctuated by door slams.

When I went upstairs to see if she was calm enough to come to dinner she acted like everything was fine, being silly and trying to chat with me at dinner. I wasn't feeling especially friendly yet.

She can be so unpredictable and volatile, feeling completely justified in her anger, and then calms down and expects everyone else to move on without comment or consequence while they are still pulling out barbs and licking their wounds. She cries to me frequently that her friends turn on her no reason, not seeing the connection at all, blaming others for situations she herself creates.

It's been an exhausting weekend with more sure to come this week, but at least there's school to give us all some space.
*Thank God it's almost Monday.

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe

Every day I am resolved to handle things more calmly and patiently and not be drawn into the emotional chaos that the kids seem to constantly swaddle themselves in.

Yeah, so tomorrow that needs to go back on the top of my list.

I actually did pretty okay during Squeaker's melt-downs today but totally lost patience with The Boss. Lately his smart-alecky attitude and his frenetic bouncing, punching, drumming, and finger-shooting has been kind of tough for me to take. That's all on me and not him, but he's pretty exhausting sometimes. Ana rescued me a couple times when I needed a break although she got pummeled by fists and feet during one of his inexplicable screaming fits.

Squeaker has had several days of histrionics over her mainstream math class. I actually think her teacher is a bit of a jerk which does not excuse her behavior in any way.

Today she did not have homework because she "was not in his class long enough to get it". Every time I probed for more information she would scream at me so I had to walk away and try again when she was calm. She hates this guy and he doesn't seem to like her much either. He won't excuse her to use the restroom even though it is in her IEP that she may be excused as needed due to a medical condition. When he does let her go he teases her about the frequency of it. I'm not sure he'll think it's so funny if she has an accident in his classroom. He sounds pretty tough on all the kids and the way Squeaker talks about him I know he's getting major attitude from her.

Today's misadventure started during roll call. He called her name and she said "Here" with that tone. You know the one I mean. So he said "Here?" and she responded (I'm sure this time the tone was paired with the look ), "I said here but I wish I wasn't". So he told her to pack her things and head back to her resource classroom.

I get the tone and the look frequently so I can understand his irritation. She's probably being a major stinker for him every day. But, good grief, buddy....IEP...Emotionally Disturbed Classroom...Bipolar Disorder. And you were expecting what? This guy needs to get with the program and be part of the solution. Yes, she's hard to deal with but she's gotta get an education. Somehow we have to come up with a response that is less punitive and more about getting her to calm down and act appropriately so she can do the work.

She wants to transfer into the other Algebra 1 class and I want her pulled from mainstream math and back to the special ed class leaving her only with mainstream English and P.E. Math may be her best subject but it also the source of most of our school battles.

Although we don't yet agree on what action to take, I told her that she needs to stop letting her problems in her math class interfere with her relationships at home. She agreed to stop screaming at me when I ask her about her math. That resolve should last until about Monday, I would guess.

So we resolved away....and then my two troublesome babies and I went and checked out the new restaurant in town, finishing off with a Mile-High Mud Pie and three spoons.

I think The Boss ate most of it which might explain some if his bounciness tonight.

Love is Spelled R-I-S-K

Someone's got short-timer's attitude big time around here. It probably would have been better for Sparky to move the day things were decided in court but it's a long weekend and the social worker didn't want to do any paperwork until after the holiday. The required 7-day notice has stretched into 3 weeks.

Every time Sparky gets an answer he doesn't like he says, "That's why I'm glad I'm leaving." When we remind him to follow the rules or comply in any way, he says, "I don't care. Don't talk to me." He has been oppositional, disrespectful and defiant. Nothing new there. And he continues to find a willing conspirator in Drama Boy.

The fact that Drama Boy is so easily influenced by his little brother's much stronger personality is disheartening. He has stated that he thinks he will do better here without Sparky because he "won't be so tempted to do bad things." Maybe he will just have to learn to take responsibility for his own actions. He will no longer be able to exploit his brother by blaming or deflecting as he has done in the past.

In recent days, he has found it necessary to stand up for what he wants and take some responsibility for his behavior even in the face of pressure from his mother and grandmother. I am amazed that he was able to do that. Although he wasn't able to oppose them directly, he later told the social worker that they told him to say things and "stared him down" until he did. I have no doubt that this type of coercion will continue and that, because Drama Boy is often manipulated by all members of his family, we take a risk in allowing him to stay here.

We are willing to take the risk because it gives Drama Boy the security and stability that he so desperately needs. His mother believes that he is strong and adaptable and able to succeed wherever he goes. There is some truth to that but the constant upheaval has been at the cost of his emotional and social development. Her attempts to disrupt placements due to her own insecurity and need to control has hindered her children's ability to trust and to form meaningful attachments. Drama Boy is only just beginning to realize all that he has lost and all that he still stands to lose if he continues to move from place to place. He has started to talk about and work through some of the pain of the past four years. That's huge progress.

Sparky's emotional trauma comes out as anger...anger that is out-of-control and misdirected. We did the best we could and loved him despite all of his efforts to prevent it. I'm not sure how much we were able to help him during his time with us but, as a friend commented at church yesterday, "At least you were able to put something into him."

Last week, he came home from a Christian camp and told me that he wants to be more like God. A real disciple. That's something, all right. I think God can work with that.

The Flip

We have one criterion that outweighs all others when determining which kids can be placed in our home and continue to live here. It is, "Everyone must be safe".

Even though we knew it to be part of "the plan", the older boys' behavior escalated to the point that we no longer felt that all family members were safe from their aggression and verbal abuse. If they were the only children in the house things might be different but, even then, Drama Boy cannot be kept safe from Sparky's constant attacks and badgering and Sparky cannot be safe from himself because he refuses to comply with basic rules of safety (leaving the house without permission and not returning home on time, climbing on the roof, jumping on moving cars, rearranging and throwing furniture and other items, etc...). He even bruised Ana a couple of times from punching and grabbing. His oppositional behavior is such that Ana had concerns over her ability to continue to parent him into his teen years.

The very painful decision was made that they would need to be moved to ensure the safety and well-being of all.

Too late, Drama Boy realized that he was a follower in a "plan" that he wishes now he had not been party to. His birth mom has been encouraging and coaching his misbehavior and hatefullness towards Ana in an attempt to have them moved to a "better" place apparently thinking she will get them back more easily. DB now freely admits this and says he wishes he could take it all back. He sobbed for hours last night as he asked Ana for another chance to stay. Infuriating how their birth mother has used and manipulated these poor kids. She has been so careless with their lives and fragile emotions and then argues that no one but her loves them or is good enough to care for them. She has done a good job of convincing them of it, as well.

Sparky is the primary source of the aggression, destruction, and angry trantrums. Drama Boy is often his target and Sparky's outrageous behavior is the reason that the two have moved from several other placements. So, we'll revisit our decision in regards to Drama Boy with some reservations, many caveats, and insistence on improved behavior. It is somewhat surprising that DB expressed so strongly his desire to stay since in the past he has rejected any notion of connectedness to us and often makes no effort at civility to our extended family.

Sparky, on the other hand, is ready to "move on" (his words) and seems willing to do so on friendlier terms than expected. He wants to come back for visits especially if DB continues to live here. He is filled with deep, explosive anger which comes out as shocking meanness, violent aggression, destructiveness, and routine defiance. He is often personable and fun but when he's mad...everyone had better watch out! He did have to admit that he likes Ana and thinks she's nice and this is the best place he has lived.

His overwhelming argument in favor of moving?

Wait for it.
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.
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We don't have cable tv.




Yep.
And he's not embarrassed to tell the social worker that. Many destructive tantrums were launched due to this sad fact.

We'll always love you, Sparky. This one's for you.

Me, Me, Me. Mine, Mine, Mine.

Proving that the Toddler Rules aren't just for toddlers anymore...

Sparky and Drama Boy came home from two days at their friends house where they had gone to the drive-in and had all kinds of fun. But THEN they saw the shopping bags and so, of course, they looked inside and when they saw that it was things for the girls they both had the toddler-of-all-tantrums. Drama Boy cried and Sparky scowled and threw hampers around after stomping up the stairs(who thought putting the washer and dryer in the upstairs hall was a good thing?). They were both rude to Lucky and DB whined and cried all the way upstairs "I can't believe we've had to live here soooooo long." Again, displacing reality in which kids should grow up in one place their whole childhood with their own version of "if we don't get what we want then we get to move".

It spoiled the drama a little bit that Ana had gone shopping for them too. But not before they whined that Lucky had gotten stuff too and complained that Squeaker got shirts with designs and theirs were too plain. They get mad every time someone else gets something (no exaggeration) even if they do too, because somehow, someway they always feel gypped.

Is it any wonder that we don't actually take them with us when we go shopping? Wait until they find out that the girls got new shoes before they did (even though they will, of course, get new shoes too). Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeez, guys!

Amateur Extortionist

In many cases, the result of placing children in out-of-home care against their will (albeit for their own protection) is their need to control and manipulate. Their lives feel so out-of-control that they need to control whatever they can. Toileting and eating issues are common. Lying, stealing, triangulating, tantrums and defiance come with the territory.

For 6 1/2 years (with over 300 foster kids in our homes) we have had kids try to gain control by threatening us and other children in the home. Threatening self-harm. Physically and verbally attacking us. "Trashing" our house. Stealing and destroying property. Posturing. Lying. Making allegations. Refusing to eat. Eating until they vomit. Refusing to use the toilet. Urinating on the carpet, furniture, other people's belongings. Running away. Refusing to buckle seatbelts. Unbuckling seatbelts (their own and others) and carseats while the car is in motion. Shoes have even been used to control situations quite often. Who would have thought?

Sparky and Drama Boy have taken control to a new level, announcing their intentions: "If you don't let me do this, I'm going to be bad." or "Since you didn't let me go to my friends house, I'm going to be bad all day since I'm not supposed to be here today." and "We're going to act bad until you send us somewhere else."

And my all-time favorite: Sparky had a particularly difficult morning, becoming hostile and verbally abusive, throwing his belongings into the hallway. A little while later, in a calm moment, he asked if he could go to his friend's house to spend the night. I asked him why I should let him go. His reply? "Because I'm being bad and if I go to my friend's house you'll be able to get rid of me and when I come home, I'll be happy again."

Them's Fightin' Words

Josh McDowell says, "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion."

Of course, it makes perfect sense.

How then, do you enforce any appropriate standard of conduct and behavior for older, unattached children who absolutely refuse relationships? These are children who curse, scream, cry, throw, slam, and break things if you even imply some kind of close connection to them. They think any time they are corrected we are "yelling at them". They shout their hate and cry abuse any time they are made to follow rules they don't like.

While the girls and little boys readily use family words like "sister", "brother", "cousin", "aunt" and sometimes even "mom" for their foster/adoptive family (us), the bigger boys bristle at the very idea. It's as if they feel disloyal to their original family if they allow anyone else in. That's fine. The labels don't matter so much. We let them call us by our first names, but we still use the word "family" to describe the whole, disorderly bunch of us.

They particularly detest The Boss (which is a common thread among our most troubled kids and even our more normal kids often resent him too) since he has been here since birth and is viewed as favored and spoiled because of it. Interestingly, they often ask if he knows he's adopted (yes) and for a while Drama Boy was making an issue that I was not REALLY his mom and where is his REAL mom and are you going to even tell him you're not his REAL mom? Whatever. I'm not that insecure, buddy, but nice try.

An issue today with The Boss knocking over the boys' clean laundry which had been folded and piled high outside their door for a few days, exploded into Drama Boy yelling at him then crying and wailing that they "always get in trouble and no one else does" and Sparky running around in his boxers shrieking and shouting, which was his show of moral support for Drama Boy (as DB said, "We stick up for each other").

Their view continues to be "them against us" and they rebel against anything and everyone else.

Working the Plan

Drama Boy and Sparky came back from a visit to grandma's house with a plan.

The plan is, of course, to get themselves removed from here which they (mistakenly) believe will result in them being returned to their mom. They are attacking on multiple fronts. Tactic A is to behave so badly that we will say they need to go so they will get moved. Tactic B is to behave badly hoping we will over-react and they can cry abuse so they will get moved. Tactic C is to behave badly AND cry abuse no matter how we react so they will get moved.

It's not a covert operation. They have both admitted to it. They are good at what they do.

Interesting, maddening, and pitiful all at the same time.

Maybe It's the Heat

We've been getting beat up by crazy emotions around here. It's somewhat disheartening to be repeatedly reminded that, just when everyone seems stable, the mixed-up emotional load is only lying dormant ready to explode at the next trigger. We've had some doozies the past couple days.

Very encouraging however is Squeaker's continued progress which is actually being noticed by others. Maybe getting to finalize her adoption at last, especially with so much family here showing support, has given her the added security she needed to begin acting like a "normal" person. Whatever it is, we'll take it.

Countdown

One week left of school. I hope it drags by. Squeaker is taking summer school classes so at least that will allow them to get out of the house some. She is in special ed and they offer summer school whether it's needed or not so I always sign her up.

As if to give us a taste of things to come, Sparky and Squeaker had meltdowns on Friday earning room time that afternoon. Given the chance to calm down and start over the next day, both decided to keep going losing their Saturday privileges as well. Squeaker and Drama Boy have also been sniping at each other.

My goal this summer is to impose a consequence when needed and then walk away and let Squeaker rage it out, sort it out, and get some control before I talk to her again. I have a hard time letting rudeness, hatefulness, and disrespect go for the moment to be addressed later. The result is that she continues to escalate, slamming doors and screaming nasty names at me. If I can control the urge to come back at her right then, she is usually able to calm down, apologize, and accept consequences later.

A therapist once told us "When you take kids for short term you work on the kids but when you do long term care you have to work on yourself". I found it to be pretty annoying and patronizing coming from someone who does not have to live with raging children day in and day out...even if there is a lot of truth to it.

Success and Failure

Happening: The grass is green. Completely green. I should have posted pictures of how embarrassingly brown and crunchy it was to truly demonstrate what a remarkable thing this is.

SO not happening: Potty training the Boss is a dismal, frustrating failure. If I manage to get him anywhere near the toilet he just screams "I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...." That's actually an amendment. He'll go on and on for quite a long time. Sometimes he's pretty rude and screechy too. He probably thinks the same thing about me.

Car-medy of Errors

After many months one of the broken cars is back in action, so today I had to get it smogged in order to register it.

Smog Place #1: Had a sign stating "WE TEST ALL VEHICLES!". That looked promising.

Smog place guy: What kind of Ford is it?
Me: It's an Expedition.
Smog place guy: We can't test Expeditions.
Me: (To self: HUH?)

Smog Place #2: Right next to Smog Place #1 with a shared parking lot. That looked promising.

Me: Can you test an Expedition?
Smog place guy: We can but we're not able to now.
Me: (To self: HUH?)
Ana: So that means you can't?

Smog Place #3: It's in the next town, but it's open. That looked promising.

Me: Can you test an Expedition?
Smog place guy: I can do that. Pull it up here.

5 minutes later with car up on ramp thingy.
Smog place guy: It's out of gas.

10 minutes later after they roll it off the ramp thingy, I put in gas, and it's back on the ramp thingy.
Smog place guy: There's another problem.
Me: Of couse there is.

My car passed but my gas cap didn't pass. My gas cap has never not passed. I didn't even know it had to pass or not pass. Twenty dollars later the new cap passed so it wasn't as dire as it sounded.

10 minutes later paying at Smog Place #3.
Smog place guy: The credit card machine isn't connecting.
Me: Some days are like that.
Me: (Adding to self: Even in Australia.)

Life on the Rollercoaster

Drama Boy and Sparky's mom has petitioned the court to have the boys returned to her custody continuing a 4 year pattern of starting reunification services and ending with incarceration. Four years of broken promises and high hopes that come crashing back down to earth resulting in even more rejection, anger and emotional trauma.

Granted, at the moment she is doing better than she ever has. She completed a drug treatment program (ordered by criminal court as part of her probation) and currently has housing (albeit at a clean-and-sober living program) however her instability has been evident in her increasing hostility, emotional manipulation and irrational accusations.

We have court next week and I really don't know how this is going to go but I know it's not going to be pretty. All I can do is put my boys in God's hands and keep loving them for all the days that He gives us.