The Flip

We have one criterion that outweighs all others when determining which kids can be placed in our home and continue to live here. It is, "Everyone must be safe".

Even though we knew it to be part of "the plan", the older boys' behavior escalated to the point that we no longer felt that all family members were safe from their aggression and verbal abuse. If they were the only children in the house things might be different but, even then, Drama Boy cannot be kept safe from Sparky's constant attacks and badgering and Sparky cannot be safe from himself because he refuses to comply with basic rules of safety (leaving the house without permission and not returning home on time, climbing on the roof, jumping on moving cars, rearranging and throwing furniture and other items, etc...). He even bruised Ana a couple of times from punching and grabbing. His oppositional behavior is such that Ana had concerns over her ability to continue to parent him into his teen years.

The very painful decision was made that they would need to be moved to ensure the safety and well-being of all.

Too late, Drama Boy realized that he was a follower in a "plan" that he wishes now he had not been party to. His birth mom has been encouraging and coaching his misbehavior and hatefullness towards Ana in an attempt to have them moved to a "better" place apparently thinking she will get them back more easily. DB now freely admits this and says he wishes he could take it all back. He sobbed for hours last night as he asked Ana for another chance to stay. Infuriating how their birth mother has used and manipulated these poor kids. She has been so careless with their lives and fragile emotions and then argues that no one but her loves them or is good enough to care for them. She has done a good job of convincing them of it, as well.

Sparky is the primary source of the aggression, destruction, and angry trantrums. Drama Boy is often his target and Sparky's outrageous behavior is the reason that the two have moved from several other placements. So, we'll revisit our decision in regards to Drama Boy with some reservations, many caveats, and insistence on improved behavior. It is somewhat surprising that DB expressed so strongly his desire to stay since in the past he has rejected any notion of connectedness to us and often makes no effort at civility to our extended family.

Sparky, on the other hand, is ready to "move on" (his words) and seems willing to do so on friendlier terms than expected. He wants to come back for visits especially if DB continues to live here. He is filled with deep, explosive anger which comes out as shocking meanness, violent aggression, destructiveness, and routine defiance. He is often personable and fun but when he's mad...everyone had better watch out! He did have to admit that he likes Ana and thinks she's nice and this is the best place he has lived.

His overwhelming argument in favor of moving?

Wait for it.
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We don't have cable tv.




Yep.
And he's not embarrassed to tell the social worker that. Many destructive tantrums were launched due to this sad fact.

We'll always love you, Sparky. This one's for you.