Bye Bye Drama

Drama Boy left on Wednesday but he held true to his blog name until the very end. On the night before Sparky left a few months ago, DB had a big crying fit over something. I can't even remember what it was now except that it certainly had something to do with something he thought he should get but didn't. On Wednesday he was teary and rude because he thought Ana should have brought him a present and a better dessert when she went to the store. Oh, boo hoo. She bought him a drum at the thrift store the day before even though he acted like a bug when we found clothes for The Boss and the girls and not for him.

Anyhoo...never at a loss for irony....we packed up two bins of toys, two huge bags of stuffed animals and bedding, two backpacks full of stuff, a gigantic suitcase plus a box of clothes, three guitars, two amps, a tv and game system, a box of outdoor toys, and the drum. He had like 50 shirts (not kidding) and at least five toothbrushes that I packed. It's a darn shame nobody ever bought anything for the kid, or so he told his mom who told it to the social worker who turned it into a referral and an investigation.

And just to show their conviction of his deprivation, his grandma was going to transport their mom, both boys, and all of their belongings in a Saturn. We had to wedge his stuff into every available space in my Expedition with only a small hole for him to squeeze into. When Sparky left he also had a huge suitcase, several boxes, bedding. He left some things with DB that we had to send on Wednesday too.

We've had several occasions that the parents have been so upset and angry over the loss of their kids that they have insisted that the kids are in more danger in foster care. One nutty mother even alleged that her two year old girl was molested by a little boy in the home. That boy was practically a baby and still in diapers. It's sick that some of these kids will always think they were victimized when it's a complete lie.

At least Sparky and Drama Boy's grandma knows the truth even though she made all sorts of crazy accusations in support of her daughter (cold hotdogs? good grief). She told Ana thank you and said if we ever need anything or have any kind of emergency we can call her.

Yeah, thanks. If ever we need an emergency knife in the back we'll be sure to call.

Have Kids Will Shop

I can't wait to be done with Christmas shopping. I'm nearly there. I've spent much more time and money in stores than I am used to. It's always kind of fun at the start and then I get bored with it. We have a few electronic items to get but will have to wait until after Thanksgiving since the kids are out this week and it's hard to sneak away from them and impossible to take them even when shopping for the other kids. Since Squeaker steals she has to be constantly in view. The Boss begs and whines and asks for everything and is generally too pesky to take shopping. Drama Boy pouts if anybody else gets anything and none of them can keep a secret.

We took the kids to a pizza place for lunch. They played some video games and made it known that they did not get enough tokens. Always a treat to spend time with them.

We had to bag our planned library visit because we forgot it was Monday and the library is closed. We went to the thrift store instead to find a suitcase for Drama Boy. No suitcases but we found a pretty good haul of clothes for Lucky, Squeaker, and The Boss. Squeaker was miffed that I nixed a couple of shirts, one too low, one too holey, and one because it was a maternity shirt, but otherwise was cooperative.

The Boss flipped the cart over onto himself and begged for chips and coke from the vending machine. Drama Boy sulked because he couldn't find any clothes but was happy that he was allowed to get a good sized drum that he found.

Nobody said thank you but everybody was well-behaved overall and amazingly there was no bickering (except for a brief Squeaker/Boss flap) so no complaints from me.

The Mouthpiece

Only Drama Boy, The Boss, and Squeaker are home today. They all seemed to be doing pretty well and were getting along fine so we made the colossal mistake of leaving them alone in the living room unsupervised while we were in another room.

During that time, Squeaker got mad at DB for playing with The Boss and demanded that she gets to play with him because "he's my brother". The Boss still wanted to play with DB so she called them both names. Then she ordered The Boss to take something upstairs to his room and when he said, "I can't. I'm scared" she told him "I don't care. Take it now." So Drama Boy went with him.

Shortly after that she came to tattle that Drama Boy was telling The Boss to call her names. Ana called The Boss into the room and asked him about it. He admitted that Drama Boy told him to say unkind things to Squeaker. When I asked him if he was supposed to say those words he said "No" so I told him that he did not have to listen to DB and Squeaker only to Mommy and Auntie.

He then said that Squeaker had been calling him names and telling him to call Drama Boy names. He repeated all of them. The kid's gonna have as foul a mouth as the rest of them soon.

So we had to confess to the kids that we errored gravely in allowing them to have any unsupervised time together and let them know that it wasn't going to happen again. Somehow they can't figure out why it is so wrong to use a little kid to call each other names and to fight over him like two dogs with a bone. I sent them for showers and made their dinner so they could go up to their rooms early.

Drama Boy cried and Squeaker screamed and cussed at me and they both blamed each other. They're nothing if not predictable.

Oh Happy Day

My computer is fixed and back home where it belongs! Okay, big deal...but it's the little things that make me happy.

Drama Boy will be going on an overnight visit this weekend and, along with Sparky, will return "home" (it's a facility but whatever) to his birth mom next Wednesday.

Yep.

I don't even know what to say about that except that I hope and pray and wish and desire for things to work out for them but it's just not a good situation and if their mom really thinks that all of their problems will disappear just because they are with her and not "strangers" she is going to be in for quite a shock.

A Good Day

Tappy is here for the weekend for respite. Everybody was cheerful and cooperative. Almost everybody did their chores. Ana and I got Guitar Hero World Tour with our birthday money. We blew off cleaning out the garage to play it and to take the kids shopping. Drama Boy and The Boss played together with toys and were both funny and happy today. Squeaker didn't have a problem with anybody all day.

All around a pretty nice day.

Another Day, Another Door Slam

"The only help I truly need is for mental illness to have a cure." This line swiped from Cindy's blog and ain't it the truth.

Squeaker's over the top, make-no-sense tantrums continued last night. She was reasonably well-behaved while we were out yesterday. She tried for some snide comments a couple times but quickly hushed and put on the innocent face at my "don't even think about it" looks in her direction.

She stomped and stormed a bit in the afternoon, called a few of the kids names. At dinner, she asked if she could get changed for cheer practice. I guess she thought my "NO privileges" restriction might have some weakness she could exploit. Um...Nope. That launched rage number one. I only counted three door slams for that one. She later apologized ever so insincerely.

Kitchen chores set off rage number two. She did part of the chore but when I sent her back to finish, she refused. No problem. Shower and bed then even though it was only 6:30. She refused that too but did go up to her room, shouted insults trailing in her wake.

Ana took Lucky to cheer practice along with The Boss. Squeaker shouted at me again when I told her to get out of Drama Boy's doorway and take a shower. To her snotty reply of "What if I don't?" I answered, "Then you'll stink tomorrow because you need to take it now or not at all."

Later Drama Boy and I were goofing around and teasing in the hallway over DB's funny attempts at making his own costume (hang(er)man). Squeaker kept coming out of her room to say "Mo-THER! You told me to go to bed so why don't you all SHUT IT so I can!" SLAM! Open. SLAM! Wait for it. Open. SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! That same scenario repeated at least three times.

That poor door. It used to be Sparky's room so it has been slammed to the point of cracking.

She hadn't showered or changed for bed. She has gone to bed angry the past two nights and Lucky has had to sleep on the couch for two nights to avoid her malicious spite.

Finally she came downstairs and said in an angry voice "I need meds". Usually she refuses meds when she is in a mood. She was wearing pajama pants but her nice shirt from court that morning. I sent her up to change and she actually came back down to get the meds.

A few more rude comments later, she took herself upstairs again and we didn't see her for the rest of the night. Some days that's the best we can hope for.

"Why Don't You Have Your OWN Kids?"

Drama Boy is at it again.

I eavesdropped for a few minutes then decided to step in on an argument between him and Squeaker during snack time.

Here's what I heard before that:
DB: "...{first name} F***ing {adoptive last name} or better yet {first name} {birth last name}".
Squeaker: "Stop calling me that!"
DB: "That's your name isn't it? I mean your birth name?"
Squeaker: "I don't have a birth name any more. That's not my name!"
DB: "Oh, what, like you were never born? You're just a big zero then?"

At that point I told them to cool it and I would talk to them after they were finished eating. DB lost it and started yelling at me so he had to interrupt his snack so we could talk right then.

He rambled all over the map saying he gets treated worse than the other kids, that nobody ever does anything for him, that everyone talks bad about his mom, that he doesn't get allowance, that every time he's on a visit we do fun things like going to Disneyland with the other kids. I had to keep redirecting the ridiculous and tell him to stop screaming at me.

What I wanted to get across to him was that it is not okay for him to keep minimizing relationships in this family because they were formed through adoption rather than by birth. I told him that they were very "real" relationship. His response was "How are they?"

From experience I know that if he's not willing to get the concept there is no point in arguing it with him and I certainly don't try to be an apologist for those who just won't get it. But since we all have to live together, I did tell him that, although they were not born to me, my three kids ARE my kids and my grandson IS my grandson and it is disrespectful and rude for him to continue to say that the relationships are not "real". His response was "They're not really real though."

He screamed that it's not fair that the whole world calls Ana his mom and "she's not, she won't ever be, I don't ever want her to be!" He's angry that the other kids' call him their brother and cousin because he "NEVER wants to be a part of this family!" Ironically a little later he was screeching something like, "You don't even treat me like part of the f-f-f....." and he had to stop himself before he said the F word (family). He is so self-centered that he wants all of the benefits of being part of the family without having to put any effort into relationships or even civility.

His other narcissistic gem was "It's not fair to me or to her birth mom that she's mad at us for no reason!" To which I had to respond that her relationship with her birth mom has nothing to do with him and does not reflect in any way on his relationship with his own mom. It's as if he believes that we all think that he should reject his birth mom and be adopted. I explained that everyone's situation is different and how does he know that her anger at her mom is without cause?

There is no working these things through with him right now. He sees himself as the prepetual victim and is encouraged in that delusion by his birth mom. I finally said I couldn't talk to him any more about it because no matter what I say he will filter through the lie that he is always being persecuted. I told him I would tell the kids to stop calling him their brother or cousin and that he needed to respect Squeaker's wishes and stop calling her by her birth name.

His parting shot was, "Why don't you just have your own kids? Then this wouldn't happen. Instead you have us as slaves."

Yep. Just not getting it. But I couldn't help it...I laughed out loud at that last bit. He actually thinks he's making our live so much easier because we've enslaved him by having him do a couple of chores a day?

I give up.

On Birthdays

Our birthday flowers from Friday are all dead so I guess it's official....the party's over and now we're forty.

Birthdays are always kind of sticky events around here. Drama Boy, Sparky, and often Squeaker have a difficult time if anybody gets anything that they do not get. They are of the mind that they are always getting gypped in some way if anybody else gets attention.

On Friday, we got cake and flowers and that was it but if Sparky had been here he still would have been a raging, cursing mess. Non-eventish as this one was we still did not get off scott-free. Drama Boy had a big crying fit when Ana would not drive him to his friend's house nor allow him to walk all the way across town to find him. He spent all afternoon blubbering over the phone book trying to find his friend's listing since he had neglected to ask for his phone number. He did okay at dinner then screamed at Squeaker when she asked him to come downstairs for cake.

We've had crying, screaming meltdowns on every birthday so far this year. This snarkiness is not limited to birthdays. Both the boys were on the receiving end of the "it's not all about you" lecture on Squeaker's adoption day last summer and Squeaker has already demonstrated that she will need it an upcoming adoption day next week. Drama Boy even cries when we take the other kids out to dinner while he is visiting his grandma.

And on the bright side, we were both pleased that no one had a major tantrum and no one called us ugly names which is how we celebrated the past few years. The girls not only wished us happy birthday, they also helped us clean the house before our family came for dinner. Lucky got Ana a card. One of the girls put up some streamers and gave us each a key keepsake on a shoelace (which we wore all day and I plan to wear on birthdays and new year's from now on). I bought a mix and the girls made and decorated a cake. That's more than any of our kids have ever done for us and was entirely sweet of them.

Ahead: The Boss, Lucky, and Drama Boy all have December birthdays. Since DB particularly dislikes the other two we'll be bracing ourselves for plenty of nastiness and bad attitude on their days.

Out and About

On Saturday we all went to an Oktoberfest at the local animal shelter (where we previously got two of our four dogs). Lucky and Squeaker were to perform with their cheer group with Squeaker on stage again later with her school choir.

Outings with all of the kids are always an interesting challenge. For starters, the kids are a wide range of ages so interests and attention spans vary greatly. Also, the kids are not really bonded as a group so taking the whole herd out often means having to deal individually with all the kids rather than enjoying the camraderie of being out together as a "family" of even a bunch of friends or even friendly acquaintances for that matter.

I hate to say "I told me so" but Saturday was a typical day out for us. The first hour was fine because there were animals of all kinds and booths to look at. Everyone maintained pretty well for the cheer performance. Then we walked a few blocks to get lunch and so Squeaker could change from her cheer uniform to her choir outfit. The day inclined slightly downwards from there.

Drama Boy and The Boss begged for money and tickets. Lucky made a connection (her words) with an ugly little dog at the shelter and then fell apart when she couldn't have him, leading Drama Boy to tease her in the car on the way home.

The general crabbiness continued at home until DB and Squeaker were shouting at each other and slamming doors while Lucky continued to cry over her dog. I talked to Squeaker and I sent DB to Ana. He made the common Squeaker mistake of turning his anger and shouting on the adults instead. Total meltdown ensued when he was sent to his room to get some self-control.

Knowing the emotional overwhelm would continue unless we got back into more of our regular routine, we canceled dinner plans that we had for the evening. Disappointing since it had been a very long time since we had a kid-free night out but it seemed unfair to dump a bunch of grumpy kids with the cousins even for a few hours and part of our childcare plans had already fallen through that morning.

And they wonder why we rarely go out and do "stuff". Ana and I both agreed, as we often do, that we would have enjoyed the event a lot more if we had been there without all the kids.

24 Hours

Squeaker and Drama Boy got into a fight on Friday over what movie they were going to watch next. When it started to get ugly, I stepped in and told them they lost the privilege to choose so move away from the tv so I could put something on for the littles.

DB had to be told twice but finally shut his mouth and moved on. Squeaker, as she often does, turned the fight on me when she didn't get what she wanted. Never a good move. She can get pretty gnarly pretty quickly and it's impossible to get her to reign in her temper once she gets going.

I had her sit out for the remainder of the evening and she lost all privileges until she could go 24 hours without talking back or being rude to me or anyone else. Since her "time" was on Saturday she did it easily as we had no other plans that day.

She has maintained a pleasant demeanor through the rest of the weekend and this morning. I wish we could continue this way but her mood changes without warning and often with no apparent provocation. During the week is often the worst because her stress level is higher.

It's tough when you don't enjoy your kid very much a lot of the time.

Food Issues

Issues with food are a common theme with traumatized kids. Stealing, hoarding, gorging, not eating...we've seen it all as have many foster parents.

While not unexpected they can still be very irritating especially with kids who have been here a while and suddenly make it a control issue.

Squeaker frequently does not eat at school. Last year she got free breakfast and lunch so I wasn't that involved in it, knowing that she eats well enough at home. Except when the aides in her special ed classroom got concerned with how many times she did not get her free lunch and sent a letter in the mail about it. Again, she eats quite a lot at home and since we rarely allow junk food, it's a good variety of healthy foods so I wasn't overly concerned. This year she eats breakfast at home. Often she mopes first but if I insist she will eat. I gave her the responsibility of making her own sandwich for lunch. She often forgot her lunch or would eat the sandwich and stuff the lunchsacks with everything else into her sock drawer. She has made a sandwich only one day and even on that day she didn't eat it. I found two old nasty lunches in her backpack this morning. She gets angry when I ask about and says "Why do you care anyway? You never cared before. It's none of your business." Whatever. She'll get a consequence for her snotty tone but not her words because she's right. I don't care. I'd rather have her not pack anything than take something and waste it. I can't make her eat it and she's not even close to starving herself. I remind her that she'll be in better emotional control and learn better if she feeds her body and her brain but if she's not going to I can't force her.

Drama Boy spent too many mornings snuffling and crying over what was offered at breakfast so he is not allowed to eat it at home any more. He eats free breakfast and lunch at school. He's pretty picky but we've gotten him to expand his food horizons a little bit. We eat vegetables or salad at every meal and usually he can get through it now without difficulty. Other times he drools, gags, and pretends he's going to vomit. He's a food stealer. He takes food and sometimes eats it but other times he'll throw it under the sink in the bathroom, under his bed or in a drawer. Last night I got sent a text message "There's cheese in the toilet". DB had taken four pieces of string cheese and threw them, plastic wrappers and all, into the downstairs toilet. He ate one of the containers of yogurt that I was saving for breakfasts. He ate a good-sized roll and left the bag open. He ate directly out of the fridge from the leftover spaghetti leaving curly noodles dropped all over and the spoon still in the refrigerator sticking out of the container. Sigh. He says he's getting enough to eat but sometimes he still wants more. Fine. Ask. And for goodness sake DON'T WASTE FOOD. It's driving me up the wall. Some foster parents keep a stash of snack food that the kids can eat whenever they want so they will always feel secure that there will be enough to eat (many neglected kids including DB were left home alone with no food in the house). We tried that. A cabinet for snacks they could have whenever they felt hungry. They ate it all in one day. So now we offer snacks and meals and if they don't like what's offered then they must wait until the next one, but they may eat fruits or vegetables any time they are hungry.

Lucky doesn't like vegetables at all but is otherwise a pretty good eater. But she keeps up a running commentary so we'll know when things are not up to snuff. Last night she ate all her dinner and seconds but still said, "You know what sounds good right now? Pizza. Cheese pizza. With pineapple. Doesn't that sound good right now? I feel like eating that now."

The Boss eats almost like a real person now after years of chicken nuggets and yogurt.

We try not to make a big deal over the food issues. Our dinner rules are if you don't want to eat it that's okay but don't complain about what you are served, if you serve yourself you must eat it all, on nights we have dessert you must eat veggies first. Outside of dinnertime it is much harder to impress upon the kids how we can little afford so much food being wasted all the time.

Absence of Malice

Drama Boy is gone for the next four days on a parent/child rehab program with Sparky and his mom. Interestingly, the usual underlying unease (unintended use of alliteration) that we are accustomed to living with has been absent since he left last night.

The rest of us went to the new popular eatery in town for cherry limeades and slushes. Lucky was loud in Ana's ear, Squeaker and The Boss wrestled together jostling the table annoyingly, but still it was a fun time out together.

The pleasant atmosphere continued today with happy banter and good-natured kidding at dinner and then later as we made ice cream sundaes. Normal family time for most people, I'm sure, but very unusual for us to have everyone not only enjoying themselves but also the company of one another. Someone mentioned it was fun because Drama Boy wasn't there to kill it. Not a very nice commentary on DB but not far from the truth.

This afternoon Squeaker had some problems on the bus when she "got into it" with an aide and the bus driver. I know I shouldn't lecture but I couln't help a tiny one since she always feels like she has good reasons to be disrespectful and defiant.

For now, we're looking forward to a relaxed weekend. Tappy will come for respite. We'll go to pizza night with our sister's family, a harvest festival in town, and enjoy peace while we have it to enjoy.

At the Breakfast Table

Breakfast conversations can be interesting because we do not always sit down with the kids to eat but are always in the general area. My computer is near the dining room so when I am working in the mornings I often jump in if the exchange between kids gets out of of hand.

A few days ago, Drama Boy and Squeaker had an interesting conversation which I chose to stay out of because Squeaker handled it pretty well on her own.

She started by saying something about being like "my mom".

DB: "Well, I don't know because I never met your mom."
SQ: "I meant that mom right there. If I was talking about my other mom I would have said (birth mom's first name)."
DB "Why are you so mad at your mom?"
SQ: "I'm not mad at her any more. But right now we share DNA and that's about it."
DB: (starting to get upset) "I just don't see why you hate her so much."
SQ: "I don't hate her. I just have a new family now. Why are you getting so angry about what I call my birth mom?"
DB: (still agitated) "I'm not mad, I'm just saying. I would never hold a grudge on my mom."
SQ: "Just because I call her by her first name now doesn't mean I'm holding a grudge. I don't see why you are getting so upset. It doesn't have anything to do with what you call your mom."
DB: "I would just never do that to my mom."

Squeaker handled the whole thing surprisingly well, not getting angry or putting on a big dramatic emotional display as she usually does. I don't know if Drama Boy thinks we want him to denounce his birth family or what. Not only does he constantly imply that adoptive relationships are not real but also that the adoptees are disloyal to their orginal family even, as in the case of Peaches, they are still very much connected to them.

Yesterday, he intentionally referred to Squeaker by her old last name just to bug her. That time she did get angry especially when he continued to do so after she corrected him.

This messy mix of dealing with fierce devotion to families of origin while creating a whole new family through older child adoption is an interesting road to travel. Especially with kids so bent on finding ways to hurt and annoy.

Recall

And I thought some social workers had way too much power over kids' lives....

The judge rewarded Sparky and DB's birth mom again despite the fact that she's not playing by the rules. She will be allowed to take them out of school (for Drama Boy it's testing week) to a three day parent/child rehab program. This is before she is even permitted unsupervised or overnight visits.

Yeah...ooooookay. After four years they suddenly need to be involved in her rehab? As the social worker said, it's her addiction not theirs and they've been removed from it for a while.

I'm just not gettin' it. Maybe it's just me.

Almost Too Easy

After dealing with Sparky's daily antics for so long it's almost hard to know what to do with peace...okay semi-peace. Drama Boy still takes every opportunity to have a go at Lucky while she continues to put herself in the middle of everyone else's disagreements. Seamonkey and The Boss argue all the day long. Squeaker has an hysterical edge to her voice when talking about math class and has been more irritable than usual since school started. (After talking to her special ed teacher, it comes as no surprise that she is creating the problems for herself in math class.)

Still that's a far cry from over-turned furniture, kicking holes in doors and walls, screeching to annoy, and outright defiance.

Sparky did come for the weekend and was friendly, helpful, generous, appreciative, and entirely pleasant. We hope this keeps up on visits so the boys can see each other regularly. It was an easy weekend for a visit since three of the other kids were gone visiting different family members.

Court again today for the boys but Ana couldn't go because Lucky had a doctor's appointment at the same time. Can't wait to hear what the judge decides to do next especially in light of their mom and grandma's obvious disregard of his instructions last time.

Button Pushers

Admittedly, I am a bit stressed out lately and I am allowing my buttons to be pushed in a major way.

The control button: What is it about kids and food these days? Drama Boy has been trying to turn meals into a stand-off over what he refuses to eat. The problem is there's no telling what will be offensive to him at any given meal. Squeaker eats like a horse most of the time but when she's feeling particularly emo will stare moodily at her food, daring someone to tell her to eat it. So I do. Dang buttons. Both the little boys have been kind of iffy eaters and now eat almost like normal people. But when they don't like something they aren't shy about saying so or going into full blown whining hysteria if denied dessert when dinner is uneaten.

The eject button: Drama Boy's exit campaign is just irritating this time around. He hates his social worker because he always does the opposite of what DB wants. This line was also spun by Sparky even though they both got what they asked for last time: Sparky got to go and DB got to stay. He did ask Ana this morning, as did Sparky when he left, that if he moved could he still come to visit? Too bad we're so mean to them that they can't wait to get away from us.

The escape button: We have dogs, you know. If you stand there with the front door open they will run out and disappear. This is a theory that the kids test repeatedly.

The insert button: Is it possible to have an adult conversation without Squeaker or Lucky butting in? I don't think so.

The caps lock button: SQUEAKER! THE VOLUME! THAT TONE!

The backspace button: I keep getting shot in the face by The Boss's double-barreled index fingers. Step off, space ranger, you're in my bubble.

Not sure what's going on with the other finger there. He doesn't stick that one in my face, at least.

The delete button: We have some sort of magic mind eraser in our house so that whatever you told a child to do two minutes ago must completely escape his or her brain. Unfortunately it works on adults too. That has to be why I have to stand on the stair landing and try to remember why I was going up there in the first place.

The panic button: Not that one yet, thank goodness.

File Under "Shoulda Known"

Drama Boy called his social worker today to ask if he can move from here, stating that he "really missed {Sparky}". Funny that he didn't "really miss" him until a weekend visit when his mom and grandma could go to work on him. Both boys said they wanted to live apart and DB was going to move too but begged to stay. Now all of a sudden he is clawing to get out and back in the group home. Maddening.

Even though he promised that if he stayed his "getting out" behavior would not continue, it flared up today with a half hour of gagging and crying at breakfast about scrambled eggs. He decided that we were making things he didn't want to eat on purpose just to be mean. Although to be fair, I did tell him maybe I needed to cook foods that weren't his favorite so he could learn to eat them politely as that is an important social skill to develop. I forgot for a moment it is his God-given right to eat only foods that are entirely pleasing and delicious to him.

He was finally excused from the table and then wailed and slammed his dishes around because he is so persecuted. For crying out loud, kid....you won that battle. Does it have to turn into a big drama about how much you hate everybody?

He started in on Lucky again and he keeps asking Ana how soon he can move. He can't seem to understand why that is somewhat irritating after his big, weepy campaign to stay. Ana had to remind him that he is here by his choice and if he wants to leave he needs to be the one to tell his social worker and attorney. Now back to the chore of getting him to do so without his feeling the need to be hateful and make false allegations to get what he wants.

No matter how much he might have wanted to stay, we knew that eventually he would cave to the pressure that his family continues to put on him. He was cooperative and happy for a few weeks after Sparky left and then as soon as he had an unsupervised visit he was back at the same old family line, parroting their exact words. Wrong of them but we're pretty tired of getting jerked around by him even though we know it's a direct result of his family jerking him around.

I think this time we've learned our lesson.

Different Day, Same Old Stuff

Quiet weekend with Lucky and Drama Boy gone on visits.

DB's mom and grandma must have been working on him the whole weekend. The first thing he said to Ana when he got in the car was "Can I go live with {Sparky}?". At dinner he asked Ana "When can I move?" and then laid his head on the table and moped when she said she could not discuss it with him so stop bringing it up. Here we go again. The social worker predicted that he would return from the visit asking to move after spending time with his family. The judge quite severely warned them to stop discussing the case, including placement, with the boys. But they have blatantly disregarded the judge's instructions and rulings for months now.

Lucky and Squeaker were wild and loud at bedtime, Squeaker smart-mouthy too so I hope they enjoy their earlier bedtime tomorrow.

The Boss, while somehow calm and well-behaved at Auntie L's house, has a complete inability to be still or quiet at home. He squirmed all over the seat at dinner then bounced all over the room while getting in his jammies and then flipped, kicked, wiggled and somersaulted all over the bed before finally falling asleep. I was laying on the bed with him reading until the constant bombardment of his flailing hands and feet about drove me batty. That kid needs to get over his fears and sleep in his own bed before he sends me completely 'round the bend. I keep piling up pillows and telling him not to cross them but the little furnace tells me he wants to be right next to me and rolls right over the top crashing into me, stuffed cats, dogs, and bears tumbling behind him. Then he says in his sweetest voice "Sorry mommy for kicking you and bumping you." and "I'm not scared when I'm with you."
Awwwwww.....okay, one more night. I'm such a sucker for those big brown eyes.

Clock Watchers

That's what we are every weekday morning. Is it 8 o'clock yet? How long before they're out the door?

I was thinking about how nearly every post is about a negative episode although most such episodes have a humorous twist (or our twisted humor allows us to see it that way). So I have been considering what might be posted that is entirely positive.



{cricket sounds}



Nope. Got nothin'.
It is called Snark Bait for a reason.

While our kids are great people and have many positive qualities, I can't think of a day that included all of our kids which did not have some snarky, oppositional overtone. That's not to say that we don't enjoy them and enjoy most of our days but it is what it is. We don't have nearly the stress, turmoil, and heartache as many of our fellow adoption bloggers who we read daily, but it is there. Older adopted/foster children bring in all the hurts, injustice, confusion, and pain of their pasts and dump it everywhere nearly every day. Because of their traumatic backgrounds, lack of consistent parenting over the years, emotional immaturity, and a combination of emotional and brain disorders, we just deal with a lot of stuff relentlessly (they do sleep sometimes!).

This morning was no different.
They woke up arguing with one another and it went on from there.

Squeaker came out in an article of clothing that belonged to Lucky and then lied in my face when I asked her about it. When I told her to change, she came out in something that doesn't pass dress code. When I told her to change, she snarled, slammed, and stomped her way upstairs after arguing with me that it was acceptable. That's the "lite" version. Her rudeness and snarky asides continued until she walked out the door.

Drama Boy responded to her snarky attitude with one of his own and when I told him to knock it off he told me to tell her......you get the idea. Then he whined, grunted, grimaced, and sighed because he didn't like what was served for breakfast. How can all these kids have gotten to their ripe old ages without learning how to "wash it down" with some water? That's a crucial life skill. He also put a half chewed sausage back on the serving plate and then lied in my face when I asked him about it.

Lucky had a pretty good morning after I asked her and Squeaker to bag their early morning gossip-fest. She forgot her hairbrush at her mom's house and had to borrow mine and asked me repeatedly what time it was and said over and over "I can't believe you changed your hair color".

I let The Boss sleep in to minimize interactions. Since I've gotten him up, the littles have quarreled without coming up for air.

And yet, for us that's a pretty okay morning so I guess that's the positive. Despite their rough backgrounds and the fact that we all came together under less than ideal circumstances and the oppositional, destructive behavior, we manage to have mostly okay days and plenty of pretty good ones too.

Dress Rehearsal

We are rearranging rooms again so Ana was cleaning up piles of trash in Drama Boy's room. She came across a script that Drama Boy had written called "Plan to Get Out!!!". Yes there really were three exclamation points. It listed my name and his and Squeaker's and had lines for each of us.

A few weeks ago I had sent he and Squeaker up to their rooms for some snarky argument. It usually is pretty loud and pretty mean if I send kids to their rooms. Later they both came down together and asked if they could talk to me because it had all been a big misunderstanding so could they please come out.

It went down word for word as it was written in the script. Hilarious.

Except that I didn't really buy it at the time and sent them back upstairs.