Downsizing

It definitely felt like we were in an alternate reality today when we walked into Killer Pizza From Mars and ordered only one "Family Meal" and nobody had to share. For the past five years we have had to order 3 of the four-person meals and even then sometimes we had to split salads and buy extra drinks.

Yesterday we took the kids to the movies and could still afford to buy some popcorn. The last time we went to the movies, we took up an entire row.

Four years ago we drove both an SUV and an eight-passenger van and every seat was filled. Today we can fit all the kids in a sedan and the SUV has an empty row.

Every person in our house finally has their own bedroom. We actually have enough room for everyone to sit together on our only couch but we can barely reach each other when we join hands around our large dinner table. Our 3000 square foot house seems absurdly huge now (to us anyway...we still have 3x as many people living here as the previous owners!).

We have so much more space--and time--now. This is the longest we've ever gone without filling that space up again.

Secrets

Why is my girl so compelled to withhold the truth even when it seems completely obvious and not even all that bad? I usually have figured out what is really going on way before she lies to my face. Asking only confirms because she is such a bad liar. I'm pretty good at reading signs (and My Sp*ace...it is public, after all, not a diary) and I don't usually get taken by surprise. But what's with all the secrecy about every little thing? Maybe it's a control thing or something. Maybe she thinks I'll disapprove or ask questions or try to give advice or in some way actually try to be a part of her life. Who knows? I do know that all of her relationships and activities outside of this house are what she considers her "real" life and she shrouds it all in secrecy and doesn't let any of us in.

Headcounts No Longer Needed

Quiet days here with so few kids in the house. Sorta-adult daughter is often gone so it's just the middle girls and The Boss hanging around most the time, although Lucky is gone to her mom's almost every weekend. Seems weird to be planning the holidays knowing only two kids will be at home. But on the up side, we are nearly done with Christmas shopping with a lot less strain on the budget than we normally experience.

Squeaker hasn't had a major blow-up for several weeks which is great. Most of the eye-rolls and snorting I'll just chalk up to "normal" fourteen-year-old girl attitude. Still some big concerns with both girls over their dishonesty combined with extremely poor judgement. Lots of supervision is required at all times which they appreciate less and less as they get older. Lucky will be thirteen next month and Squeaker fifeern in February. Still, they cannot stay home alone even for a few minutes, cannot be dropped off anywhere, and absolutely under no circumstances can they ever be left alone with the Boss even if we are in the next room. This makes it a bit challenging for us to make an escape for a kidless evening. It is fairly easy to find a babysitter for a kindergartener but much less so for middle and high schoolers especially with all the extra cautions and caveats. (except when oldest niece is available for teen-watching....she's the bomb!)

We're looking forward to lots of free and low cost holiday activities in our small town. Such a kick to find so much to do since we are pretty content with simplicity and low tech entertainment.

Pete and Repeat

Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete jumped out. Who was left? Repeat. Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete jumped out. Who was left? Repeat. Pete and Repeat were in a boat...

Why don't I just make a recording of myself saying the same things over and over? For the sake of those with brain disorders living under our roof, our days are very structured, reeking of routine and tediously boring repetition. So how come no one can remember to even brush their teeth without being told?

Sheesh.

Thanks for the Heads Up

It's weird to find out MAJOR news about one of your kids from their status on My Space. I'm not really supposed to know it but I do tend to use whatever little ways I can to keep informed although I know my place is only on the fringe of a secret life.

When I actually am allowed to be let in on the secret directly, I'll bet you ten bucks it'll be delivered in a text message.

Some Day When The Kids are Grown and Gone...

...we'll get to finish our own sentences.

Our Little World

Squeaker had a rough start to the weekend on Friday night. Lucky had a little end of the year party with a few friends then we took the middles and The Boss to get a pizza to take to the park. Squeaker got into a minor spat with The Boss and then would not let it go, back-talking and noncompliant all evening and into Saturday morning. I took her for a walk on Saturday to talk about how she is choosing to heap consequences upon herself by letting small incidents turn into full-blown temper tantrums. She is in the third week of minimal privileges which started out by her being annoyed that I called her in to do chores and ended with name-calling, door slamming, destruction of property, and violent throwing of heavy objects. The walk and talk seemed to help with conduct and demeanor improving for the rest of the day.

Her stepdad and birth sister stopped by in the afternoon and I allowed her to be outside and play for a while. Her sister will come back today to go to church with us and spend the day. She and her dad are moving out of state in the beginning of July so I expect high emotions when we say our good-byes tonight.

The bigger kids have been making themselves scarce and hardly talking to us when they are here so it's been a relatively quiet weekend apart from The Boss lamenting that he has nobody to play with any more.

First Lost Tooth

The Boss lost his first baby tooth today just in time to show Grandma and Grandpa....not the tooth which will be much to Grandma's relief, just the empty socket. The Tooth Fairy comes tonight. The Boss was not thrilled with the idea of the Tooth Fairy rooting around under his pillow while he was sleeping (she wasn't too thrilled either) so we decided to tape it to the door with a big sign so she'll be sure to find it. The Boss worded the sign himself. It reads, "Right There!" with a big arrow down.

Incidentally, we tell him that the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus are pretend just for fun characters, but he insists they are real and keeps trying to convince me. I think the characters from Lord of the Rings are real so who am I to say?

I've been pestering him to work that tooth out because his big snaggly adult tooth already decided to appear right behind it. Same for his other bottom tooth but it's pretty close too. Perfect timing since he has almost enough money for the toys he's been saving up for.

Crybaby

Definitely need to get some sleep. I'm tired and cranky. My back hurts and I've had an earache for a week. Every time one of the kids asks for something I get irritated especially when I'm already in the middle of doing something for somebody else. And while I'm wallowing in annoyance and self-pity it's really bugging me when somebody says "mom" and before I even get a chance to answer they start in on "mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM!" (substitute "granny" at least one third of the time). Also, that whole call my name or start telling me a story when somebody else is already telling me a story that I can barely hear anyway? Getting old, too. And right now The Boss is in bed making moaning noises because I said he couldn't watch a movie because he was acting like a turd pie and then saying no when I tell him to stop. And while I'm on it, why does everyone have to be so loud and/or shrill all of the time? They all have an entire week of for President's Day. Why do they call it President's Day if they're going to give them a week off? What am I going to do with all of them for a week? Hope they like the park and the library. Hope it doesn't rain.

As you see nobody is acting horribly at all but still my last nerve is ground down to a nubby stump. It's not them, it's me. (I'm not dumping them, don't worry.) Plus, I miss Ana and I'm ready for her to come home now. Stickers has asked me twice if it's harder not having Ana here. Except for a few logistical challenges, it hasn't been all that hard but it has been a lot more boring.

Forget sleep. I think I need a little vacation. Thankfully, I hear The Boss' honking snores so at least he's down for the night.

Help Yourself

On Sunday I didn't cook at all. It was cereal for breakfast, bbq hamburgers at church for lunch, and scrounge your own dinner from the week's leftovers.

It seems ice cream was a popular supper choice. When I emptied the dishwasher on Monday morning I counted 23 spoons and only three forks in the silverware basket.

Sleepy Boy

Last night The Boss and I were flopped sideways across my bed, he watching Macgyver dvds and me reading a book. After he fell asleep I picked him up to put him to bed. As I lay him down, he arched and cried with eyes still shut, "I can't! I can't! I can't!" I asked, "You can't what?" while rubbing his hair.

He settled down into his pillows, still asleep, murmuring, "I-I-I need Transforners."

In case you ever wondered what five year old boys dream about.

Lull

We're experiencing the customary calm after the storm. Squeaker has gotten into a few spats with the little kids but otherwise has been fine. She called her little sister's dad and got her older sister's phone number and talked to her for a while. That was the only phone call between them in a long time that did not end with Squeaker slamming the phone down. Big sister had heard from her bio-mom so she got an update on that situation too.

Tomorrow is a holiday and Friday everyone has off because it is the end of the semester (Why, why, why is the school district doing that to me? Yes, It's all about me.) The high schoolers also have short days on Wednesday and Thursday because of finals so I'm trying to figure out if that kills the plans I had for Wednesday.

It must be Sunday morning around here because someone is whining and The Boss is refusing to take a shower before church.

Many Moods

It's my house after all.

Squeaker left the house cheerful and called me from school cheerful. Then we picked her up from an after school math class and Lucky was sitting in the front seat and I didn't make her move to the back so Squeaker could have the front. She got in glaring and snarling and then slammed both feet into the back of Lucky's seat. When I told her to put her feet down she bellowed about how it's not fair and Lucky isn't even old enough to sit in front (she is) and finally shut up when I told her she could sit in the back from now on if she continues to act like that.

She was cheerful by the time we got to the house and invited Lucky to jump on the trampoline with her and then they went for a run.

When she got back the eye rolling began when I told her to get her book to do reading but first change out of her school P.E. shorts. When one of the other kids mentioned to me that she was kind of stinky I remembered that she was supposed to take a shower directly after a run so went to remind her to do that.

That didn't go over too big and the stomping, slamming, fit-pitching began. I guess I confused her with too many different requests. So I outlined it for her: 1. Take a shower. 2. Clean up your room. 3. Get your book and read. 4. Stay in your room until I call you to help in the kitchen.

She decided she did not have the kitchen chore that day (she did) and said over and over "I'm not going to do something that's not my chore." I walked away to the tune of two more door slams (bedroom and bathroom).

She came down later so I called her over to set the table. Cabinet door slam. Plates on the table slam. So I told her forget it, just go on back up stairs until I call you for dinner. That's when the "Oh MY GAWWWWWWWD!" began and my favorite response when I tell her not to talk like that to me, "I just did." Sweet. Go. Up. Stairs. Now.

She made sure to call be a nasty name on her way out of the room so I called her back to tell her again not to talk to me like that which brought my second favorite response, "Whatever."

Later while I was making dinner she brought me a tiny scrap of paper torn from her report card so she could give me my grade as a parent: F

I actually think I've pulled it up a bit since last time she graded me. Yea me.

She left the room screaming about how I'm so busy ruining her life that she can't tell me the truth about her birth mom.

By dinner, she was cheerful again and asked if she could talk to me about her mom after dinner.

When she told me what was going on with her birth mom and then we prayed about the situtation, she cried on me and hugged me.

She then went cheerfully off to bed even after I told her she needed to uninvite her friend this weekend since any week in which she calls me a b***ch does not end in her having a friend spend the night.

So many moods, so little time.


P.S. And a big ol' thanks to Shorty for stepping in to set the table.

Am I in the Wrong House?

Yesterday was a pleasant day and not a single kid was noticeably angry for any part of it (which is quite the feat around here). I did household chores like crazy all morning and then took the middles and littles to the park in the afternoon. We had pasta bake and garlic bread for dinner which the kids all seem to really like although it's not my favorite. I just loaded up on salad. Sometimes I make "kid food" dinners so all the kids can eat and enjoy without picking things apart. Everyone finished up chores without a fuss and the older girls did a few extra jobs in the kitchen. Squeaker and Lucky even went into their room early for the night. Peaches gave the little boys a bath and watched a movie with them in her room. Stickers and Shorty snuck out for ice cream and brought me one too. Very nice.

Makes us sound almost kind of normal doesn't it?

Most of My Brain Still Functioning

The first day after Ana's departure started off a little more hectic than I had hoped. Lucky had an appointment an hour away so I had to rush the middles and littles to get moving.

The Boss pouted and refused to dress himself because I had to leave him alone in the room to get ready because he wasn't moving fast enough. Then he got into a flap with Squeaker on his way downstairs. She said she didn't do anything but I think he was still scared to pass her since she often says mean things to him. Squeaker needed last minute instructions for a class she's struggling with and Shorty needed quarters. I'm not sure if he'll end up with lunch today because I haven't turned in his lunch form yet and I didn't have cash in small enough bills. I told him to make a sandwich but I'm not sure if he did. The fridge is jam-packed so no one should go hungry but sometimes the kids do if someone doesn't make it for them. He's going to a friend's house after school and Lucky is inviting several friends over to ours. After we left, Stickers stayed with Squeaker until her bus came and since I heard her loud self in the background when I was talking to her teacher today, I know she got there okay.

Anyway, everyone got where they were supposed to. I remembered to pick up Lucky's meds before getting to tomorrow morning and finding an empty bottle. The Boss, Seamonkey, and I are about to go for some outside time, them on the trampoline and me picking up the bushes I cut last time I took them out to jump. Yardwork is a long, fluid process but I get there eventually.

I already packed up more stuff for the Salvation Army truck (which hasn't come yet), I've done some laundry and some kitchen work, took a call from Squeaker's teacher, remembered to bring the dogs in and out on schedule, I've checked the chore list to see what jobs Ana would be doing today so I won't forget those....and I ate lunch all by myself which I hate to do.

I can do this...for a couple months anyway.

Misunderstood

Lizzy: “Your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.”
Mr. Darcy: “And yours is willfully to misunderstand them.”


CAUTION: Rant Ahead.

Okay then, you were warned.

Ana leaves in a couple days and I am beginning to feel a little apprehensive at being left behind. I, in fact, have suggested to her that the solution may be for her to stay and me to go. I'm pretty sure all the kids would like that better....except for The Boss but he could come with me since he's not in school. Anyway, I dream.

It's not being left alone with the appointments and the chores and the constant "What am I going to make for dinner this time" without end or back-up. It's not even the yelling, stomping, door slams, and eye rolls. What is actually getting to me these days is the backyard or behind-closed-doors (even though they are not allowed in each others rooms) behind-my-back b***ch sessions that are constantly going on.

Often I have kids being relatively friendly to my face or even reluctantly cooperative after a blow-up and I think we're in the clear and then they spend the next few days griping, ranting, and trashing me to the other kids. Thanks so much.

My kids are stewers (is that a word?) building up resentment and anger until it blows everywhere. And it seems that no matter how I respond it will not be in the way that they want and lately no matter what I do or how much I do it is not enough for them. There is always a long list from them of what I should be doing or how I should have done things differently. Of course, the lists are different. One wants to run away because I'm "hard to talk to" even though I have been supportive and non-judgmental when she has chosen to talk to me. One is a huge talker and if I try to help her work through her jumbled emotions and distorted hate-the-world thinking, I am "Always lecturing". I can't win. Can Not Do It. That's my fault because I'm just the mom here....and the replacement mom yet, I'm reminded.

Teenagers think they are the ones so misunderstood (and seem to relish the role). I contend that it's really adults who are misunderstood (and willfully so) by teenagers.

That's why the most difficult part of Ana being away for a while is losing the other person in the house who does understand, which some days is what makes it all okay. Or as Uncle Monty says in A Series of Unfortunate Events, "I may know better than anyone what you're going through. But it's gonna be alright. We'll be with people who can understand us. People who are like us."

Just don't answer the doorbell.

"Watch Your Mouth, Kid, or You're Gonna Find Yourself Floating Home."**

The Boss has been rude and smart-mouthy the last few days. He snorts, stomps, crosses his arms, rolls his eyes, and heaves huge sighs when I ask him to do anything. C'mon kid, one thirteen-year-old-girl-attitude in this family is enough right now and five is a little too early to be starting the "mom is an idiot" phase.

When I was sending him to time-out this afternoon I told him to remember that he was acting this way now so he can just skip right on past it when he gets older.

I was trying to get out the door but he wouldn't cooperate and come out of time-out so I had to leave him with Ana while I took Shorty shoe shopping. He screamed, cried, kicked, hit, and pinched for an hour and half while I was gone. The Boss, that is, not Shorty.

When I got home he said, "I'm not crying any more, mom." and immediately started asking for chips, jumps on the trampoline, and drinks of my coke.

Glad he recovered so happily. Ana looked wiped out for the rest of the evening. I'm sure they'll both sleep soundly tonight.

**Han Solo to Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars, of course.

Scapegoat

The kids are back in school today and I am relieved. It was a rough two weeks. Amazingly, the actual holidays were very nice but all the in-between days were pretty awful right up until the end.

Each of my kids had at least two ranting, angry tantrums. That's two tantrums times three kids in two weeks minus the holidays so twelve days which means on average it was a tantrum every other day.

And I, apparently, am the cause of all that is wrong with their worlds. Among the triggers for said tantrums were saying no to a movie at bedtime, asking someone to put something away, putting something away for someone, correcting rude behavior, and showing irritation when I was irritated.

And for such unconscionable acts I have been cussed at and about; have had to listen to, "I don't like you", "I want to run away", "I wish I was never adopted", "I'm out of here as soon as I turn 18", "I have to do everything myself". I've been accused of not doing enough, giving enough, buying enough, loving enough. According to my kids, I'm the reason why everyone is so angry and rude and the default cause of brattiness in three-year-olds.

Of course, they seem to recover relatively quickly and move on to other things until the next explosion and I'm the one still aggravated. Usually it's another day, another snark...I indulge my annoyance with an after bed-time gripe session with Ana and then I'm fine. But for some reason the barbs are sticking this time around. Maybe it's my annual wistful hope for a warm, fuzzy holiday season with my kids which will likely never happen.

So I'm grateful for the space and quiet this morning. And I'm sure they are glad for the chance to get back to school and away from me too.

Conundrum

Why is it that when teenagers around here demand to be given more rights, respect, and freedom it is usually when they are having a "teen tantrum" and acting the most childishly selfish and petty?

Entropy

The breakdown begins. Lack of routine, too much sugar, too little sleep, and too much time together is starting to take its toll. Only a few cracks at present and we'll try to hold it together Macgyver-like with duct tape and Christmas ribbon until school starts next Monday.

Squeaker enjoyed her phone call with her sister then stayed up to late and broke down at bedtime because her sister is moving to Texas in the summer. Logic not being in great supply after midnight, she cried that her little sister is the only family member she stays in contact with and gets to see regularly. While she doesn't see any family members often, she has not seen or spoken to her sister since her mother's parental rights were terminated almost four years ago. Several of her family members including her sister's father are permitted to contact her, but sadly they never do. She is the one who maintains periodic contact with aunts, grandparents, sisters, and even her birthdad. This is the family that she would return to in a heartbeat if she could.

The Boss is having a post-shower meltdown this morning. He has discovered that if you repeat the same thing about a zillion times that it drives every grown-up within a ten-mile radius completely round the bend.

Lucky and Squeaker have been getting along reasonably well since Lucky has been gone for a good chunk of vacation. They have been doing each other's hair and nails and shrieking and giggling a lot. Lucky is a pesterer and that gets old pretty quick. She leaves tomorrow to visit the aunt and uncle that she lived with before she came here. They do a big New Year's shin-dig which we definitely don't, so I'm sure she'll be happy to go off to that while we play board games and eat cinnamon popcorn here. We'll enjoy the break from being asked every five minutes what we are doing today, what can she do now, can she take the dogs for a walk, can we go to the store, what are we having for dinner, do you have any more batteries.....?

The Boss is turning purple screaming "I want my puppy" so I guess it's time to go see if he needs any medical intervention.

Update: The Boss just switched to "I wanna get off the bed". Change is nice.