Sex Education

One of the challenges of parenting older adopted and foster kids is that you don't always know where the gaps are. There can be gaps between chronological age and emotional age, gaps in the child's history--sometimes even between what the social workers know and what they actually tell you. There are often educational and developmental gaps due to numerous or sudden moves, neglect, trauma, genetic or organic factors.

And then there is the big communication gap: they don't know what they don't know and you don't know what they don't know until you find out that some important information fell through the cracks.

The other day, Sparky used a word he shouldn't have and then admitted that he didn't even know what it meant. I gave him the definition of the word but first had to give him some information about sex, asking him if any other caregiver had ever talked to him about it before. Nope. All his (mis)information had come from other kids, movies or TV. I gave him the basics...just what I felt was appropriate for his age and the situation. I then told him it wasn't a very good idea to use words when he didn't know the meaning and that he could ask me what any word meant and I would tell him. His response? "Yuk! I don't even want to know!"

Just a few days earlier, Drama Boy had been asking how twins are made. Monica asked him, "Well, do you know how babies are made?" and he said, "You mean you have to do it twice?" When he asked my mom about it later, she tried to explain it this way, "Sometimes one egg will split in two..." he interrupted, "Eggs? You mean we're not mammals?" To everyone's laughter, he bemoaned the fact that he missed "The Movie" at school.

That conversation was about to become too involved for our family barbecue so I assured him that when he asked me later I would explain the entire process. From the beginning.