Amateur Extortionist

In many cases, the result of placing children in out-of-home care against their will (albeit for their own protection) is their need to control and manipulate. Their lives feel so out-of-control that they need to control whatever they can. Toileting and eating issues are common. Lying, stealing, triangulating, tantrums and defiance come with the territory.

For 6 1/2 years (with over 300 foster kids in our homes) we have had kids try to gain control by threatening us and other children in the home. Threatening self-harm. Physically and verbally attacking us. "Trashing" our house. Stealing and destroying property. Posturing. Lying. Making allegations. Refusing to eat. Eating until they vomit. Refusing to use the toilet. Urinating on the carpet, furniture, other people's belongings. Running away. Refusing to buckle seatbelts. Unbuckling seatbelts (their own and others) and carseats while the car is in motion. Shoes have even been used to control situations quite often. Who would have thought?

Sparky and Drama Boy have taken control to a new level, announcing their intentions: "If you don't let me do this, I'm going to be bad." or "Since you didn't let me go to my friends house, I'm going to be bad all day since I'm not supposed to be here today." and "We're going to act bad until you send us somewhere else."

And my all-time favorite: Sparky had a particularly difficult morning, becoming hostile and verbally abusive, throwing his belongings into the hallway. A little while later, in a calm moment, he asked if he could go to his friend's house to spend the night. I asked him why I should let him go. His reply? "Because I'm being bad and if I go to my friend's house you'll be able to get rid of me and when I come home, I'll be happy again."