Allegations Part 2 and Parties for 2

Stickers moved back in on Wednesday. She has always visited frequently and for long periods of time so right now it feels like a visit except that she brought her dog and has been hauling stuff upstairs and has already done a load of laundry. She needs to enroll in college classes here and has a job in a nearby mountain community lined up for after Christmas. Seems like she has things well in hand. Her 16 year old brother (who also lived with us five years ago) will come on Monday and spend Christmas with us.


We had another CPS investigator out here yesterday, this time asking questions about an incident more than three years ago that none of us knew about (if it even ever happened) due to allegations of a child we don't really even remember. Remember, we did crisis care and had hundreds of kids through our homes some staying only overnight and some for months. Thankfully, the allegations were not against us. Nothing came of it except that we stressed for an entire day from the time she called to her actual visit since they won't tell you what they are investigating. We cannot think of any way such an incident could have occurred with any child in our home. She questioned our older kids but Squeaker was the only one around at that time and of course she knew nothing either. Totally ridiculous. And they wonder why they don't have enough foster homes.

Tonight we celebrate Lucky's birthday (12) which is actually tomorrow. Tomorrow we celebrate The Boss' birthday (5) which is actually Monday. School is out today so let the holiday/birthday partying begin!

Haircut Hysteria

Drama Boy came back from his visit last weekend with bleach-orange hair and a weed-hacker haircut that he did himself. The deal Ana made with him was that if he wanted to dye all of his hair then he needed to trim up his shaggy, Disney-channel 'do.

So Ana went out with him to get his hair cut. He went agreeably enough. But in the car he started having a fit, cursing and crying and carrying on finally telling Ana if she made him cut his hair he would kill himself but make it look like she killed him.

Who says we don't have sweet children?

So she brought him back home and sent him to his room.

Then she decided to take Lucky to get a trim instead and so, naturally, DB had to freak out that she gets to have a haircut and he doesn't.

He fussed and whined and screamed about the unfairness of it all. You see, it's not that he didn't want a haircut it's that he didn't want a haircut from that particular hair cuttery. He ranted and rambled into the subject of unfair allowances and other imaginary injustices and discrepancies that litter his muddled little brain.

So then Ana agreed to take him for a haircut when she took Lucky.
"WHY?!?", says I. (Aren't I the supportive one?)

Well, I guess it's better than another false allegation.

Punk.

Amateur Extortionist

In many cases, the result of placing children in out-of-home care against their will (albeit for their own protection) is their need to control and manipulate. Their lives feel so out-of-control that they need to control whatever they can. Toileting and eating issues are common. Lying, stealing, triangulating, tantrums and defiance come with the territory.

For 6 1/2 years (with over 300 foster kids in our homes) we have had kids try to gain control by threatening us and other children in the home. Threatening self-harm. Physically and verbally attacking us. "Trashing" our house. Stealing and destroying property. Posturing. Lying. Making allegations. Refusing to eat. Eating until they vomit. Refusing to use the toilet. Urinating on the carpet, furniture, other people's belongings. Running away. Refusing to buckle seatbelts. Unbuckling seatbelts (their own and others) and carseats while the car is in motion. Shoes have even been used to control situations quite often. Who would have thought?

Sparky and Drama Boy have taken control to a new level, announcing their intentions: "If you don't let me do this, I'm going to be bad." or "Since you didn't let me go to my friends house, I'm going to be bad all day since I'm not supposed to be here today." and "We're going to act bad until you send us somewhere else."

And my all-time favorite: Sparky had a particularly difficult morning, becoming hostile and verbally abusive, throwing his belongings into the hallway. A little while later, in a calm moment, he asked if he could go to his friend's house to spend the night. I asked him why I should let him go. His reply? "Because I'm being bad and if I go to my friend's house you'll be able to get rid of me and when I come home, I'll be happy again."

Working the Plan

Drama Boy and Sparky came back from a visit to grandma's house with a plan.

The plan is, of course, to get themselves removed from here which they (mistakenly) believe will result in them being returned to their mom. They are attacking on multiple fronts. Tactic A is to behave so badly that we will say they need to go so they will get moved. Tactic B is to behave badly hoping we will over-react and they can cry abuse so they will get moved. Tactic C is to behave badly AND cry abuse no matter how we react so they will get moved.

It's not a covert operation. They have both admitted to it. They are good at what they do.

Interesting, maddening, and pitiful all at the same time.