Peace

Finally a day with no screaming and slamming. A little backtalk and a kicked toy is all. I can live with that.

She keeps giving me a hangdog look and "I apologize" when she thinks that it will get her off the hook. I told her she can stop apologizing and show me with improved behavior if she is truly sorry. We'll see.

I have no idea what to do about visits with her sister since just one afternoon threw her totally out of whack. I'm leaning toward one overnight with her sister here this weekend but no overnight visits at her sister's house since that's where she used to live with her bio mom. I told her that she needed to live in reality and not start to think of the old apartment as home. She agreed but I don't know if that was real agreement or just "give mom whatever she wants to hear so I'll get what I want" agreement. Again, we'll just have to wait and see how things play out and if we can reestablish contact without losing major emotional ground.

One thing I definitely need to do is get her back into counseling. She has done much better without it but now I think it might be beneficial again. When I brought it up to her she screamed at me that she wasn't a "psycho b****" and didn't need therapy. I fined her a dollar for cussing and said I would schedule an appointment anyway.

Happy Birthday Squeaker

Squeaker turns fourteen today. She had a very rough week but, after a confrontation on Wednesday, really pulled it up yesterday. She is off the hook from doing my chores, although still grounded next week. We've had some rough times for the past four years but I think she's actually going to be the one who comes out of her teen years with some wisdom and maturity. We work on her issues a lot and she is often forced to face her behavior and accept responsibility. After some major drama and rage, she usually rises to the occasion and attempts to make positive changes.

Her younger birth sister is coming to stay the weekend with us. She hasn't seen her in four years and is very excited about it. I'm glad her sister's dad is letting her come. She is back in contact with her older birth sister who is now married with a daughter of her own. Yesterday she found out that ther birth mother desires to have contact with her again. I am apprehensive about it because of how horribly her mom treated her at their last phone call, but I am going to allow it with supervision because Squeaker misses her and has been wanting to talk to her for some time.

I am so proud to be this girl's mom. I keep trying to tell her that she is so much more than her diagnosis and her rotten past, so much better than the negative self-talk and victim status that she spends so much time thinking about. Some day she's going to believe it and she's going to be great.

Doings and Goings On

President's Day WEEK is going as vacations do.

The littles quarrel and tattle constantly but still play together all day without pause. Yesterday one of them closed the stopper on the sink and left the water running, flooding the upstairs bathroom. It ran down the vents to drown the downstairs bathroom as well. I put towels down to soak up the mess. The older kids freaked out when they went to wash hands for lunch thinking the flood might have come from a more unsavory source.

Shorty had a doctor appointment this morning which meant a lot of time in the car as we still go to the next county. Tomorrow I will drive him down to a friend's house about an hour away and then head a half hour's drive to pick up one of the kids from a friend's house before making the hour long trip back home. We don't really live in the boonies but it seems like it sometimes. Squeaker has already started rolling her eyes and snorting so we're all kept informed on how put out she is to have to be in the car again.

Lucky brought home an mp3 player belonging to her godfather's seven year old daughter. She asked me to charge it so I did, then promptly confiscated it. I had to explain to her that we don't allow young girls in our home to listen to music filled with profanity and nasty references to cheap, dirty sex. She borrowed that from a seven year old? Good grief.

Squeaker got into several little spats with one of the littles yesterday then yelled at me about how he was acting when I got on her about it. Does she really want her behavior compared with that of a three-year-old?

Today she went a little too far with snarky, rude comments about my messy room after I had spent all day yesterday and part of today on the rest of the house. Actually, way too far. So I made her a detailed list and she is taking over all my household/yard/pet chores so I can have the luxury of tidying my room to her satisfaction. She managed to get through cooking and cleaning up dinner, doing dishes, sweeping, and folding a load of laundry before admitting she was ready to pass out. That was only part of the evening chores. Tomorrow should be fun since she'll be privileged to get up early and put in a full day of it.

I've been having Lucky work a little each day on her science fair project which is due next Monday. It's been going okay but tomorrow she starts working on the report part of it. Writing is a challenge for her but she seems to have a good grasp of the experiment and the result so I'm hoping it will go easily for her.

Stickers finally gets back into her college art classes tomorrow after a long break. That will be good since I think maybe we've given her some sort of creative block. I've commissioned her to paint a new piece to go above our fireplace since she keeps mercilessly criticizing the one that is there now. Yes, she painted that one too.

Crazy Love

Just finished this very intriguing book by Francis Chan.

I've been outside of my comfort zone so long that I've been spending too much time recently missing my safety "bubble". No more! My life is far too comfortable and not radical enough.

Ana and I sold our house and quit our jobs so we could commit our resources and time to meeting the needs of hurting kids in the foster care system. Our finances and ourselves got pretty used up and beat up along the way. We've done what we could but so far haven't been doing it long enough (only eight years) to even have any success stories. Most of the kids have moved on and we will never know the rest of their stories. We've given our lives to caring for and loving kids who often hate us or steal and destroy our stuff in return.

When we began to feel resentful that our stuff was getting ruined we sold it or gave it away so that we would not be tempted to love stuff and comfort more than the kids. We needed the cars so we couldn't get rid of those but now we view them as "just stuff" too, tools to be used to help others. The intentional scratches, dents, and dings inflicted by the kids on my once-nice car bear witness to the troubled, angry kids that God has allowed us to care for. When we heard through our church that a recently widowed young woman with six children had lost her van we were able to give her one of ours....because it wasn't really ours any more anyway. We gave it over to God for his use and purposes as we did with all of our remaining belongings.

I like to take charge and be in control of my surroundings and Ana loves peace and hates conflict. How did we end up living lives of such constant conflict with situations over which we have no control? And to be honest, most days it doesn't feel like we're all that great at it. Nothing showed me more vividly what a wretched person I can be than having to live with and love people who are hateful, mean, destructive, and often give nothing back at all. It was so easy to love those in my "bubble" who loved me back (or at least pretended to). The "bubble" was such a nice place to live, work, and play. If not for the love of God and the desire to do what he commands, I'd be there still. I once visited a church that had a sign over the door going out into the world that read "You Are Now Entering Your Mission Field". I need that same sign over the door going into my home.

Crazy stuff. But not crazy enough to match the amazing, overwhelming, radical love of Jesus. What else can I do or give up so that my kids will know how crazy God is about them? How can I reach more kids? How can we help families who have taken in these hurting kids and had their lives turned upside down because of it?

I can't wait to find out.

Sadie Hawkins Dance

Found this on Claudia's blog. Pretty funny especially if you're a little behind on sleep. Try it.

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got the note from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Walking on Sunshine

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Beautiful Day

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Nothing Without You

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Laughed Until We Cried

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Simple Things

WHAT DO YO UR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Some People Change

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Heart of Life

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Walk This Way

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Take it All

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
See the World

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Margaritaville

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
She Bangs the Drums

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
A Kiss to Build a Dream On

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Play Me

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
My Life

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
If You're Going Through Hell

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Shop Around

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Through the Fire and the Flames

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Give Me Your Eyes

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
The Dance

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
How to Save a Life

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
House in California

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Sadie Hawkins Dance

All Worthwhile

Squeaker just knocked on my door and handed me an envelope. Inside, on a thank-you card, was this note:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for all you've done for me and everyone else. I love you and by just watching you you've taught me that there's no way to be a perfect parent but a million good ways to be a great one. You are about as good as they get and I wouldn't trade you for the world. I love you lots. Thank you.

Love,
------- - -------

I don't know if she swiped that from a Hallmark Card or if they should pay her to write for them, but that's about the sweetest note I've ever received.

School Meeting

The IEP meeting at Squeaker's school went about as expected. Her math teacher Mr. B came down pretty hard on her but did it in a kind way. Her failing grade is due solely to missed assignments not test scores. She will have to repeat alegebra 1 as a freshman. No surprises there. She tried to act surprised and indignant but her special ed teacher jumped on it right away telling her to let Mr. B finish talking. I also reminded her that we already had the discussion at home that she will likely repeat math next year. If she continues to complete the work this year she will have a jump on it next year.

Her behavior has improved tremendously and her teacher had all good things to say about how hard she is trying and succeeding at containing her anger at school. She has an A in her general ed english class and is doing well in all subjects but math where her emotions and attitude are her downfall.

She'll attend summer school through the special ed program on the high school campus and will receive credits. We'll try the public high school for next year as it reportedly has an excellent special ed program and hope to move her into all mainstream classes by the end of her freshman or sophomore year.

Those were much better reports in an IEP meeting than we have received before so I am guardedly optimistic that she will continue to progress positively in both behavior and academics.

Crybaby

Definitely need to get some sleep. I'm tired and cranky. My back hurts and I've had an earache for a week. Every time one of the kids asks for something I get irritated especially when I'm already in the middle of doing something for somebody else. And while I'm wallowing in annoyance and self-pity it's really bugging me when somebody says "mom" and before I even get a chance to answer they start in on "mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM!" (substitute "granny" at least one third of the time). Also, that whole call my name or start telling me a story when somebody else is already telling me a story that I can barely hear anyway? Getting old, too. And right now The Boss is in bed making moaning noises because I said he couldn't watch a movie because he was acting like a turd pie and then saying no when I tell him to stop. And while I'm on it, why does everyone have to be so loud and/or shrill all of the time? They all have an entire week of for President's Day. Why do they call it President's Day if they're going to give them a week off? What am I going to do with all of them for a week? Hope they like the park and the library. Hope it doesn't rain.

As you see nobody is acting horribly at all but still my last nerve is ground down to a nubby stump. It's not them, it's me. (I'm not dumping them, don't worry.) Plus, I miss Ana and I'm ready for her to come home now. Stickers has asked me twice if it's harder not having Ana here. Except for a few logistical challenges, it hasn't been all that hard but it has been a lot more boring.

Forget sleep. I think I need a little vacation. Thankfully, I hear The Boss' honking snores so at least he's down for the night.

That Explains A Lot

Last night The Boss and I were sitting together on my bed watching a movie. Well, I sat. He bounced and jerked, flailed his arms, kicked his feet, and repeatedly thwacked his head against the pillow. No, he wasn't having a tantrum. That's just how he sits.

My repeated requests for him to be still and stop moving were met with "okay" but little movement reduction. Finally exasperated after getting elbowed again I said, "Can you PLEASE knock it off? Why do you do that?"

He laughingly replied, "Because I'm a kid."

Oh. Of course.

They're Good Kids, Really

Despite the fact that the kids are driving me a bit buggy, I am feeling especially fond of them all this week.

Hello Young Lovers

I've been reminded by a few people that I haven't blogged in a bit so here I am. It's not for lack for things going on but because I'd been so annoyed for quite a bit of last week.

I've mentioned before about the massive amount of lying that goes on around here. Recently I've been amazed and aggravated at how much time is spent by the kids trying to deceive me. Right now we're in a "secret boyfriend" phase starting right at the twelve year old. Oh, but her birth mom says it's okay so I guess that one is supposed to be all right.

Last week one of the secret boyfriends actually got up the decency to come to the door and talk to me and ask (and apologize) if I had a problem with him. I told him that I had been pretty clear under what conditions he could see one of my girls. Neither he nor she had honored those conditions choosing instead to sneak around and have a relationship in secret and so, yes, that was my problem with him. If he does what I asked him to do then he may come and visit and continue to see her.

We'll just have to wait and see on that one and in the meantime I'm going to have to confront all the sneakiness. The middle girls are also sneaking each other's clothes to school and changing there so I won't know, sneaking into people's rooms to take their things, and asking to go for "walks" every day. Right. It's extremely irritating because now whenever they ask to do something I assume that they have other motives and may not actually be going to the place that they tell me. I won't even get into the covering up for one another, only outdone by the ratting each other out.

And now Valentine's Day is coming up. More drama I predict. Sigh.