You've Gotta Be Kidding

Squeaker left the house this morning to walk to summer school before I got downstairs to give her meds. I had to jump in the car and intercept her. She was wearing a shirt that was not hers and decidedly not dress code or allowed by me either. She had to come back to change clothes and, of course, take meds. I have to watch her swallow them since I found she had stashed some in a dresser drawer instead of taking them.

She tried to argue every which way that the spaghetti strap shirt was allowed (No...even if it wasn't several sizes too small) and that she did wait for someone to give her meds. She is not allowed to leave the house without permission, without taking meds, or without checking in with me or Ana to make sure she is appropriately attired. I told her that she knew her actions were wrong and to stop trying to justify it. Her response, "Like I AM?"

She needs a dictionary or I need to stop using big words, I guess.

Summer

It's not really feeling like summer around here. It's been unusually cold which we have been enjoying especially since only five plants from my garden succombed to the heat before things cooled down. That's not all that impressive though since I hardly planted anything this year. We are daring the weather with another planting hoping the late starters will have a chance to establish before our usual hot desert summer realizes that it overslept.

High school, middle school, and elementary school graduations under our collective belt, we'll spend a busy few months helping the kids prepare for the next phase of their lives.

Squeaker starts summer school tomorrow. She has been handling the last few weeks of minimum privileges beautifully. What're a few snorts and eyerolls among friends? I'm very happy with how she has been able to pull it together and comply with the restrictions she so clearly earned. Fewer choices and freedoms actually do make it easier for her to maintain control of both her anger and her giddiness so I'm hoping when we let out the tether a bit next week she will continue to be pleasant and cooperative.

The older teens are all on job hunts (or should be). Not only do they need their own spending money but they need to get out of the house doing something productive so I'm happy to drive them wherever they need to go in the quest for employment.

The task remains to find somewhere for Lucky to get out and have something to do. Our "new" town does not have the resources that we were used to before our move so it can be a challenge to find suitably enjoyable and appropriately supervised activities.

I pulled The Boss' second wiggly tooth so today we are off to the store to buy the Stargate action figure he has been saving for. Yes, I know I am raising him to be a sci-fi geek like his mommy, what's your point?

No lazy days of summer around here. Everybody get out and get busy!

It Doesn't Hurt To Ask

I guess that was Squeaker's philosophy when she asked if tomorrow, instead of taking the bus, could I just take her to school when I go in for her transitional meeting. At 11:30.

Let me think hard about that. Um, NO. No, not really.

Stony look. Stomping. Door slam (twice). "Leave me alone!. Get away from me!"
I'm not sure that she was expecting anything different on that one.

Meanwhile, The Boss is earning quarters like crazy by picking up someone else's toys whenever they are left out at bedtime. He counts his money every day to see if he has enough to buy the toys he has his eye on. He's got better money management skills than most.

Do Over

Got a call today from Squeaker's teacher letting me know that she has Saturday school due to some poor behavior choices. As often happens when she is upset, she had a hard time maintaining control and the situation escalated to increasing defiance and disrespect. Her teacher called back to say she was dangerously near a suspension but that I could pick her up early so she could calm down and avoid going too far in the wrong direction.

She came home around lunchtime, made herself a sandwich, and then I told her she should help me with the chores I was doing today. She worked alongside uncomplainingly from 1pm-6pm and then cleaned the rabbit's cage after dinner. Wednesdays are usually her "day off" from regular chores so she could have gone the other way and been angry about it.

This evening I thanked her for her help and she said you're welcome and thanked me for picking her up from school.

Have we ever come a long way from several years ago when a day like today would have resulted in raging, throwing stuff, and running away. Mercy from her teacher, an opportunity to settle down and try again, a day redeemed, and a fresh start tomorrow.

I like it.

Playing it Cool

Squeaker's teacher called today to let me know she had gone missing for a while at P.E. He and the classroom aides had to look for her. She reappeared shortly after confessing that she had gone to play basketball with the lunch kids. She got snarky with one of the aides on the way back to the classroom and walked off again, earning two days of lunch detention and a drop in privilege levels in her special ed classroom.

She got off the bus and came in the door after school already on the defensive and speculating loudly to Stickers about what her punishment might be. I surprised her by saying nothing about the incident and asking her to change clothes and bathe one of the dogs. She was pleasant from then on.

It could have been an ugly afternoon. I figure there is nothing to be gained at all by telling her again that she needs to be where she is supposed to be. Her teacher imposed appropriate consequences which can be dealt with entirely at school without increasing tension at home.

I am curious to see if she brings up the event to me. She has a hard time keeping things to herself so I know that before too long we'll be able to discuss it in a calm way without her going on the attack because I'm "lecturing" again.

UPDATE: Well, she did sort of bring it up. While helping clear dishes with the other kids after dinner, she walked back into the dining room, gave me a look and said loudly in a babyish voice "I was a good girl in P.E. today." I still made no comment and she dropped it. Weird.

Pardon Our Dust

For those of you who actually noticed we were gone briefly, please excuse our absence. By request, I had to do a bit of deleting of posts and pictures mentioning particular individuals. Onward we plow although minus identifying pictures from now on.

On my back and forth considerations of what to do about next year, I guess I'm back again. Squeaker is overly anxious about going to high school next year and heartbreakingly pained about her lack of friends at her current school. Exacerbated by the fact that she has been repeatedly told that she is going to get beat up in high school and that nobody will like her if she doesn't change how she acts. Ever so not helpful.

Her special ed teacher called me about an upcoming transitional meeting and when I asked how things were going there he said, "She said her birth sister died and she just hasn't told you yet." Um, no. Not even close to reality in fact she does not have any contact with birth family that I do not know about. He also said that she had a rough day when I got back from my trip because I had let her sister stay home from school and not her. Again, no. In fact, she was the only one I saw that morning before school.

Makes me continue to think she is not quite ready for mainstream classes and her extreme anxiety and social difficulties make me wonder again if she should be in public school at all. The only thing that makes me want to send her there instead of homeschooling her is my own self-preservation instincts. A twinkie response on my part that I do not want to put myself through the emotional challenge of being with her all day without break. However, on my "back" reflections and research I am now considering the fact that she has to work extraordinarily hard to keep herself in check at school which may be part of the reason that she falls apart sometimes at home where she is much more comfortable.

And while I'm back again...the public schools here seem fine. The curriculum is pretty good. The teachers seem okay (except during political season...don't get me started). But the kids....oy! They seem pretty mean in every school we've encountered so far. I'm not sure I want to send the Boss into that environment either.

I'm giving myself a week to decide because I have to enroll the Boss and decide whether or not I will require Squeaker to take summer school classes.

Verify

Squeaker has been trying to spin an elaborate lie for over a week and it finally bit her in the butt today.

She had tried out for the school soccer team about a week and a half ago and said she made it to second cuts (despite not having played before and not being particularly athletic). Somewhat skeptical, I allowed her to stay for the second tryouts last Monday.

On Tuesday she left me a rudely hyper phone message (after she had already missed the bus) saying she had to stay after school for soccer practice. I picked her up instead and she informed me that she had made the team. I congratulated her but told her that was not an excuse to miss the bus without permission. Based on previous experience with her flexible idea of the truth, I said that she would need to bring me something with the practice times and the coach's name and number before she would be allowed to stay after school for practices.

Yesterday things started to get more complicated for her. She told me the coach quit and they had a new one now. She gave me a name and number and a list of practice times.

It turned out to be the phone number for the mom of one of her classmates who does not even work at school.

Digging herself deeper, she called from school to say that "Ms. P has a sub today so practice is cancelled so can I go to my friend Danielle's house?" Her phone messages and calls from school are not in the range of "normal". Ever. Ana listened to a message and said "It sounds like she's on drugs." Manic. Rude. Nonsensical. I had to tell her to knock it off today during her phone call because it was so completely disrespectful as if she were a hyperactive monkey talking to an imbecile.

Deeper still, she called right back because her special ed teacher wanted to verify that she was allowed to go home with a friend. I asked him if she made the team. He said "The ***school name*** team? No, she didn't make the team. She didn't even make the first cut!"

Oops. Busted again.

I guess she just wanted to stay after school and hang out with friends. I ask you....does she really think I won't check up on it? Nearly every word that has come out of the mouth in the past three months has been a lie. I always check up.

I'm Off

Squeaker made the school soccer team but didn't make the school bus on the way home to stay for practice. After the bus had already left her phone message was, "Mommmmmmeeeeeee, I have to stay after schoooooooool. Yeah, and I don't like you. Bye." No, she didn't stay for practice today. I went and picked her up. But, yea that she made the team and is pulling up her algebra grade....finally.

I'm leaving tonight to drive up to Oregon with my other sister to pick up her daughter at college. Can't wait to see her. Plus, no kids for two days....freedom!

Ana is back from Washington D.C. She might blog. She might not.

School Meeting

The IEP meeting at Squeaker's school went about as expected. Her math teacher Mr. B came down pretty hard on her but did it in a kind way. Her failing grade is due solely to missed assignments not test scores. She will have to repeat alegebra 1 as a freshman. No surprises there. She tried to act surprised and indignant but her special ed teacher jumped on it right away telling her to let Mr. B finish talking. I also reminded her that we already had the discussion at home that she will likely repeat math next year. If she continues to complete the work this year she will have a jump on it next year.

Her behavior has improved tremendously and her teacher had all good things to say about how hard she is trying and succeeding at containing her anger at school. She has an A in her general ed english class and is doing well in all subjects but math where her emotions and attitude are her downfall.

She'll attend summer school through the special ed program on the high school campus and will receive credits. We'll try the public high school for next year as it reportedly has an excellent special ed program and hope to move her into all mainstream classes by the end of her freshman or sophomore year.

Those were much better reports in an IEP meeting than we have received before so I am guardedly optimistic that she will continue to progress positively in both behavior and academics.

Where Credit is Due

Last Sunday I felt some twinges of guilt and regret as our pastor talked about honoring others and gave an example of honoring your kids. Ouch. Often I feel very dishonored by my teenaged kids, especially my middle child. I go into "survival" mode and it becomes difficult to honor the good things about them the way I should. I decided last week that I would do better at that even when it is not reciprocated.

So Squeaker went ahead and had a gnarly, hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it week as if to put my fledgling commitment to the test.

She screamed, stomped, sassed, cussed, slammed, eye-rolled, over-reacted, ignored, cried and even got kicked out of after-school tutoring after just three days for her "nasty, negative" attitude.

However, this week she also reconciled with her adult sister, offered to help out in the kitchen, got along with Lucky, recovered from a tantrum and improved her behavior, pulled a failing grade up to a passing one, got an A on project that she completed without any prompting, did all of her chores every day, and braved school each day even though she hates half her teachers and she feels like she has no friends.

I'm pretty proud of her.

Lull

We're experiencing the customary calm after the storm. Squeaker has gotten into a few spats with the little kids but otherwise has been fine. She called her little sister's dad and got her older sister's phone number and talked to her for a while. That was the only phone call between them in a long time that did not end with Squeaker slamming the phone down. Big sister had heard from her bio-mom so she got an update on that situation too.

Tomorrow is a holiday and Friday everyone has off because it is the end of the semester (Why, why, why is the school district doing that to me? Yes, It's all about me.) The high schoolers also have short days on Wednesday and Thursday because of finals so I'm trying to figure out if that kills the plans I had for Wednesday.

It must be Sunday morning around here because someone is whining and The Boss is refusing to take a shower before church.

Ignorance is Bliss

The weekend was made better by the fact that I missed a call from Squeaker's teacher on Friday letting me know she had a "rough" day on Thursday when he was out sick. On Friday when he was going to impose her in-school suspension, she flipped out and thoroughly cussed him out and had to be sent to the counselor's office. Didn't get that message until last night.

I had a lot on my mind last night regarding a few of the kids, but decided to put off worrying about it until the next day. So instead all the situations I was thinking about invaded my dreams in much worse scenarios than they actually are in real life. Hardly a restful night.

This week I get to do all the little errands and unpleasant chores I have put out of my mind and have been procrastinating on for too long. At least I won't have to keep trying to figure them out while I'm sleeping.

I Caved

But only on the not going to school part.

She took meds this morning and was reasonably cheerful and cooperative. I had some errands to do including changing Peaches' name at the school district office and getting out to vote. Plus the borrowed computer I'm on is a bit on the painfully slow side so it takes me longer to get work done. I really was just a big ol' wimp and didn't want to deal with rude and cantankerous while I had a lot to do today so I let her go.

I did tell her I was going to call her teacher and counselor and drop both the choir and teacher aide classes. Her only mainstream classes will be math and english. IF we add a third mainstream next semester it will be an academic class like social studies and that is only IF she is in compliance with rules at home and at school. She will also need to take her evening meds as soon as she gets home from school so it will be easier to make sure she is complying on that point.

I spoke with her teacher and he did not have the whole story either but agreed with me that she was manipulating everyone into getting what she wanted. He was trying to stall her so he could talk to me about the switch but she went directly to the counselor without a pass and got him to agree to it. From now on she will not be allowed to make any changes to her schedule directly with the school counselor. He thought it would be good for her to have the responsibility but I can hardly agree that it is appropriate for her to be traipsing around the campus when, even at home, line-of-sight supervision is required nearly all of the time.

She was not happy with how things worked out for her this morning but after all the lies were confronted she really wasn't in a position to continue to argue.

The Party's Over

Grandma left today and the old snarky Squeaker returned.

Three weeks ago she rearranged her school schedule to join choir. She called me and begged....please, please, please...you know I've always wanted to sing. I agreed hesitantly when she was on the phone. It turned into a bit of a problem because I had some reservations about her joining and when I did not show the proper amount of enthusiasm she turned it into an afternoon scream-fest. Her behavior addressed and sorted out, she started the following Monday. She neglected to tell me she had two performances that week. For one I had to take her early to school (she normally rides the bus) and the other was on a Saturday where we already had plans. She also forgot to mention that before those performances I had to buy her school choir shirt and make sure she had black pants and shoes to wear. Grumble, grumble, grumble....but I did it.

In the midst of this she also decided to join the basketball team at school. I had already said no to this because she is involved in cheer and too many activities for her are not a good thing. That turned into a rip-roaring, multi-day, screaming, door slamming tantrum.

Last week she had to be dropped off early again to be measured for the dress which we will need to buy for more formal concerts. Okay, did it, done. No, I cannot donate sodas for your fundraiser car wash, so sorry.

Then on Friday of last week she announced that she was dropping choir to become an aide in the office. Huh? What's up with that? Screaming, door slamming, F-word spewage, since you ask.

Today the real? truth came out. She had an incident with one of the girls in the class. Squeaker did nothing wrong, the girl just hates her. So she asked to get out of the class so she wouldn't lose it and get suspended. Her counselor really does want her to be an office aide though.

Wait, don't like that one? Well, the plan was to join choir because she needed an elective in order to become office aide. She only took the class so she could drop and become an office aide. Real-ly? So glad I scrambled around (on my birthday!) to get her to all her performances and bought her outfit and endured her tantrums about getting into the class.

Well, what if there's a problem as office aide? There won't be because the only other kid is her best-best friend. REAL-LY? And they get to go around together without a teacher to deliver notices to the classrooms. Oh, so fun.

So of course there won't be a problem. The only problem is that I won't give her a chance. I obviously just want to pick a fight since I am even questioning this move. She is going to trust her kids. I'm giving that the "Snark of the Day" award. So far she's lied and manipulated to get to be office aide and her counselor and resource teacher think it's a good move and I'm the mean, old witch because I'm not on board.

She acted like a horse's patoot all evening, muttered snide comments, told the dog "At least you're loved" and refused meds. SO looking forward to spending the day with her tomorrow because refused meds means no school.

I told her I appreciated her helping me by her actions make the decision about what she's ready for and what she's not. Her reply, "Bite me!"

Yep, so ready to run around campus without adult supervision.

Text Message

Ana is at cheer practice with Lucky and Squeaker. Here's our recent text message conversation:

A: i just got to meet mr. b--- (math teacher)so he could tell me {squeaker} is competing with another girl for the title of class flirt. nice.

M: Typical

A: he said she's doing much better but she just needs to buckle down cuz now the hard part is starting. she was cutsie and smartmouthy. not cute. he said she's not horrible anymore.

M: That's quite an endorsement

A: yeah. she was like "what?!" and he said "no your behavior towards me was horrible. you talked back to me and everything but that has improved in the last couple of weeks."

M: Was she there for the "flirt" part?

A: yeah. she said (dramatic gasp) "i am NOT!" yeah. right.

I'm glad her teacher is addressing that. She is so unbearably obnoxious and inappropriate around boys. Her poor teachers....wouldn't wanna be ya! She is the only girl in her special ed resource classes. I hope the silliness wears off somewhat before high school.

Every Day

We have a written schedule for the middles (ages 13, 11, 11) but every day we have to tell them to do things or they don't get done.

Every day we have to tell them to wash their hands before dinner, often after they've already sat down at the table.

Every day we have to tell them to get in the shower at shower time.

Every day we have to tell them to use soap and shampoo.

Every day (actually twice every day) we have to tell them to brush their teeth. And when they say they already did say, "No you didn't. Try again."

Every day we have to tell them to put clean clothes away and dirty clothes in the hamper.

Every day we have to tell them to make beds and pick up their rooms.

Every day we have to tell them to do chores.

Every day we have to tell them to start homework or reading time.

Every day we have to tell them to get out the door and go to school or wait for the bus.

Every day we have to tell lunch takers to make a sandwich....and then to put it in their backpack.

Every day we have to tell them to go upstairs for "room time" before bed.

Every day we have to tell them to turn off the lights at "lights out" time.

I know....logical consequences, love and logic and all that. But every day these things need to get done and I'm unwilling, at the moment, to deal with the stink and squalor and late night shrieking and giggling that would result if we didn't tell them to do these things. I guess we've picked our battles and these are not them.

School Dilemmas

It's still only September and I'm already fretting over decisions about school for next year.

The Boss will be old enough to start kindergarten, but it's doubtful he'll be ready. I've been thinking about homeschooling for him and even if he is ready to start, may go that route since I don't really want him in public school but cannot afford private. I don't want to delay a year because he would end up in the same grade as Seamonkey who does not struggle with the same difficulties and delays.

Squeaker is scared to death to start high school next year. She is concerned, with good reason, about her ability to regulate her emotions in the much bigger setting of public high school. She has asked me several times if I will allow her to be homeschooled. I actually think that would be best but I'm concerned, also with good reason, about her ability to regulate her emotions at home when the stress of schooling is added. I think she will do much better academically with a more customized lesson plan because she tests very high in most subjects but has low grades due to her homework and class work. She has been able to learn all the subject matter required while rarely turning in the work because she has an amazing memory and is an auditory learner. I would like for her to be able to attend a private Christian school too but no Christian school I've ever heard of will accept a child with emotional and behavior problems. She'd probably be expelled the first week.

I know that the potential for conflict and outbursts will be greater if we do decide to homeschool so for the remainder of this year my brain will be constantly running through pros and cons. The very idea of dealing with her behavior through four years of public high school gives me the shudders. So for today at least I'm definitely leaning another way on that decision.

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe

Every day I am resolved to handle things more calmly and patiently and not be drawn into the emotional chaos that the kids seem to constantly swaddle themselves in.

Yeah, so tomorrow that needs to go back on the top of my list.

I actually did pretty okay during Squeaker's melt-downs today but totally lost patience with The Boss. Lately his smart-alecky attitude and his frenetic bouncing, punching, drumming, and finger-shooting has been kind of tough for me to take. That's all on me and not him, but he's pretty exhausting sometimes. Ana rescued me a couple times when I needed a break although she got pummeled by fists and feet during one of his inexplicable screaming fits.

Squeaker has had several days of histrionics over her mainstream math class. I actually think her teacher is a bit of a jerk which does not excuse her behavior in any way.

Today she did not have homework because she "was not in his class long enough to get it". Every time I probed for more information she would scream at me so I had to walk away and try again when she was calm. She hates this guy and he doesn't seem to like her much either. He won't excuse her to use the restroom even though it is in her IEP that she may be excused as needed due to a medical condition. When he does let her go he teases her about the frequency of it. I'm not sure he'll think it's so funny if she has an accident in his classroom. He sounds pretty tough on all the kids and the way Squeaker talks about him I know he's getting major attitude from her.

Today's misadventure started during roll call. He called her name and she said "Here" with that tone. You know the one I mean. So he said "Here?" and she responded (I'm sure this time the tone was paired with the look ), "I said here but I wish I wasn't". So he told her to pack her things and head back to her resource classroom.

I get the tone and the look frequently so I can understand his irritation. She's probably being a major stinker for him every day. But, good grief, buddy....IEP...Emotionally Disturbed Classroom...Bipolar Disorder. And you were expecting what? This guy needs to get with the program and be part of the solution. Yes, she's hard to deal with but she's gotta get an education. Somehow we have to come up with a response that is less punitive and more about getting her to calm down and act appropriately so she can do the work.

She wants to transfer into the other Algebra 1 class and I want her pulled from mainstream math and back to the special ed class leaving her only with mainstream English and P.E. Math may be her best subject but it also the source of most of our school battles.

Although we don't yet agree on what action to take, I told her that she needs to stop letting her problems in her math class interfere with her relationships at home. She agreed to stop screaming at me when I ask her about her math. That resolve should last until about Monday, I would guess.

So we resolved away....and then my two troublesome babies and I went and checked out the new restaurant in town, finishing off with a Mile-High Mud Pie and three spoons.

I think The Boss ate most of it which might explain some if his bounciness tonight.

Dripping

The temperature has been in the 90-100 range and our AC decided to take a vacation. We miss it. It didn't even send us a post card.....wish you were here. Yeah, back atcha. We're all drenched by the end of the day but especially on Saturday chore days.

The Boss started his Pre-K homeschool. We do that after lunch so all morning while I am working he asks every few minutes, "Can we do my preschool now? Can {Seamonkey} take a nap now so we can do my preschool?" So far he is learning to use scizzors, hold a pencil correctly, identify letters and numbers (starting with his name and 1-4), recognize sequences and patterns, and is brushing up on counting, the alphabet, and shapes and colors. I had no idea he didn't know the color yellow and he still can't remember the name of it so I have to remind him it's the color of Bob the Builder's hat. His favorite colors are blue, black, and purple and mine are red, brown, and green so I don't think he's even bothered with yellow until now. Wait a second, Bumblebee is yellow.

Yep. I don't know how we missed yellow before now.

We are working on some motor skills too since he is delayed in that area. I hope we don't have to visit the emergency room before he learns to jump on one foot.

One Week Countdown

Final week before school starts! Yeeeeee-haw!

I wish it had been a more calm and enjoyable summer with the kids and I had mixed feelings about sending my babies back to school. But nope. Can't wait to get them all out the door and back into the routine.

This had promised to be a quiet week with the big boys at camp and just the girls and the littles home, but sadly, it looks like it's not to be. The girls have been meanly sniping at each other all morning. They have now made up and are shrieking through the house to put on swimsuits so they can run through he sprinklers.

We have to run around all week finishing up registration and last minute things for school. We have a "Team Decision-Making" meeting (TDM) tomorrow regarding the older boys. Usually I find these TDMs to be entirely pointless, but at this one we will discuss whether Drama Boy will stay and where Sparky will move. This should be pretty intense because bio mom will surely oppose DB staying even though he has stated quite strongly that that is his wish. Sparky is all over the map--one moment wanting to stay the next snarling his desire to leave. The social worker has asked that Ana consider keeping him here but safety concerns must rule on that score and we already agreed that we cannot do it. The TDM falls during Squeaker's registration so I will have to try to make it up later in the week. Just finding child-care for the girls and the littles while we are one county away took most of the evening last night. The results are not entirely satisfactory but the best we could do.

Okay, so NEXT week will be calm and peaceful, right?