Quiet days here with so few kids in the house. Sorta-adult daughter is often gone so it's just the middle girls and The Boss hanging around most the time, although Lucky is gone to her mom's almost every weekend. Seems weird to be planning the holidays knowing only two kids will be at home. But on the up side, we are nearly done with Christmas shopping with a lot less strain on the budget than we normally experience.
Squeaker hasn't had a major blow-up for several weeks which is great. Most of the eye-rolls and snorting I'll just chalk up to "normal" fourteen-year-old girl attitude. Still some big concerns with both girls over their dishonesty combined with extremely poor judgement. Lots of supervision is required at all times which they appreciate less and less as they get older. Lucky will be thirteen next month and Squeaker fifeern in February. Still, they cannot stay home alone even for a few minutes, cannot be dropped off anywhere, and absolutely under no circumstances can they ever be left alone with the Boss even if we are in the next room. This makes it a bit challenging for us to make an escape for a kidless evening. It is fairly easy to find a babysitter for a kindergartener but much less so for middle and high schoolers especially with all the extra cautions and caveats. (except when oldest niece is available for teen-watching....she's the bomb!)
We're looking forward to lots of free and low cost holiday activities in our small town. Such a kick to find so much to do since we are pretty content with simplicity and low tech entertainment.
Showing posts with label Lucky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lucky. Show all posts
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Missing
Stuff goes missing around here all the time. All kinds of stuff. Cheap stuff, expensive stuff, food stuff. The most recent missing items are a necklace, eyeliner, and some money.
The funny thing is that the adamant deniers are, of course, the ones who get busted (or blamed) for stealing all the time. They steal from each other and also very willingly throw each other under the bus when something comes up missing.
Lucky has been accusing Squeaker of stealing a necklace for weeks. Why she feels the need to keep confronting her about it with no evidence knowing that Squeaker can be meaner than a rattlesnake on a griddle is completely beyond me.
Lately, circumstantial evidence pointed to Squeaker as the snitcher of some money from someone's purse. She cries and denies but her history does not help her. She says, "But it's just that---HISTORY!" to which I can only answer that it is by no means ancient history; it is all too recent.
Last night, Squeaker stood in Lucky's doorway and loudly accused her (how else to tattle?) of taking her eyeliner. When I asked Lucky about it after sending Squeaker away she said, "She always accuses me of taking her stuff." Yes, just the same way you always accuse her of taking your stuff. Nice relationship.
When I followed up with Squeaker I told her that she had no evidence that Lucky took it just like it cannot be proven that she took the money. That's the end of it. Don't bring it up again.
Sometimes we recover stuff, sometimes we don't. And that's how it goes around here. If you want to keep it you better hide it, lock it up, or don't bother bringing it into the house at all.
The funny thing is that the adamant deniers are, of course, the ones who get busted (or blamed) for stealing all the time. They steal from each other and also very willingly throw each other under the bus when something comes up missing.
Lucky has been accusing Squeaker of stealing a necklace for weeks. Why she feels the need to keep confronting her about it with no evidence knowing that Squeaker can be meaner than a rattlesnake on a griddle is completely beyond me.
Lately, circumstantial evidence pointed to Squeaker as the snitcher of some money from someone's purse. She cries and denies but her history does not help her. She says, "But it's just that---HISTORY!" to which I can only answer that it is by no means ancient history; it is all too recent.
Last night, Squeaker stood in Lucky's doorway and loudly accused her (how else to tattle?) of taking her eyeliner. When I asked Lucky about it after sending Squeaker away she said, "She always accuses me of taking her stuff." Yes, just the same way you always accuse her of taking your stuff. Nice relationship.
When I followed up with Squeaker I told her that she had no evidence that Lucky took it just like it cannot be proven that she took the money. That's the end of it. Don't bring it up again.
Sometimes we recover stuff, sometimes we don't. And that's how it goes around here. If you want to keep it you better hide it, lock it up, or don't bother bringing it into the house at all.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Where Am I? Oh, Here I Am...**
It's semi-official with some precincts still pending...we have had one of the wackiest summers on record and that's saying something for us. The wackiness promises to continue for some time. We'll cope and adjust as always, of course, but who knew situations and people would go so crazily askew from what they were just six short months ago? Naturally, we're catching the blame.
I think our blogging hiatus is over as there is so much going on it's hard not to spill it out somewhere. This blog is public again so feel free to refer former readers back if they would be interested.
We've been taking advantage of all the free activities a small town has to offer: harvest kick-off, community theatre, free museum days, vacation bible school, movies and activities at various churches around town. Yesterday we went to the annual open house at our main fire station. The Boss sprayed a firehose, we got grit in our eyes and snowcone when the Mercy Air helicopter took off and we watched hunky firefighters crunch open a car. Everywhere you go in a smallish town you bump into people you know and yesterday was no exception, as the open house was kind of the "thing to do" for the day.
Afterwards we attended a free piano concert at the library next door and then walked around downtown until we found a new mexican restaurant to try. With only Lucky, Squeaker, and the Boss around most of the time now, our outings have been mostly pleasant. Squeaker always has some drama or attitude to take care of but for the most part it's all good. Ana even took us out to her driving route to work so we could catch some air over the huge rollercoaster dip in the road out beyond the dairy farms. No kidding, like fifteen dairies on her way to work. We count green tractors and sing the "Big Green Tractor" song. Rural hicks all the way by now.
Many more updates from the summer but I'll spread them out so you can catch up a bit at a time if you so desire. Meantime, your continued prayers are much appreciated for the older crew of teens as many life choices face them which, unfortunately, they often seem ill-equipped to make.
**Peter Lorre in "Arsenic and Old Lace", 1944.
I think our blogging hiatus is over as there is so much going on it's hard not to spill it out somewhere. This blog is public again so feel free to refer former readers back if they would be interested.
We've been taking advantage of all the free activities a small town has to offer: harvest kick-off, community theatre, free museum days, vacation bible school, movies and activities at various churches around town. Yesterday we went to the annual open house at our main fire station. The Boss sprayed a firehose, we got grit in our eyes and snowcone when the Mercy Air helicopter took off and we watched hunky firefighters crunch open a car. Everywhere you go in a smallish town you bump into people you know and yesterday was no exception, as the open house was kind of the "thing to do" for the day.
Afterwards we attended a free piano concert at the library next door and then walked around downtown until we found a new mexican restaurant to try. With only Lucky, Squeaker, and the Boss around most of the time now, our outings have been mostly pleasant. Squeaker always has some drama or attitude to take care of but for the most part it's all good. Ana even took us out to her driving route to work so we could catch some air over the huge rollercoaster dip in the road out beyond the dairy farms. No kidding, like fifteen dairies on her way to work. We count green tractors and sing the "Big Green Tractor" song. Rural hicks all the way by now.
Many more updates from the summer but I'll spread them out so you can catch up a bit at a time if you so desire. Meantime, your continued prayers are much appreciated for the older crew of teens as many life choices face them which, unfortunately, they often seem ill-equipped to make.
**Peter Lorre in "Arsenic and Old Lace", 1944.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Father's Day
Father's Day can be a difficult day for our kids...another painful reminder of what they missed out on, what should have been.
We took our bunch to church this morning and, as the pastor started his message entitled "God is Our Father", I glanced down the row. Not one of the six kids at church with us has grown up with their father. Most of the children we have cared for through the years have not had fathers.
Lucky cried through most of the church service and out into the parking lot. There's not much I can do for her except hold her and tell her I know how hard it is for her. I tell her that God is her Father and He will never abandon her. For some pain, there is no earthly comfort. Her wounds are deep and her feelings of rejection and abandonment define how she sees herself and how she views the world.
Recently, she participated in an author's fair at school. Her story was about a princess (whose name is a shortened version of her own name) and a guy (whose name is the same as her "crush" at school) at a ball. The first part of the story was a blatant rip-off of Cinderella and Snow White but the ending was original:
"Then something happened to her after that night. She appeared in a garden near the castle. She tried but she could not go back to the castle because her evil dad would not let her in. He was saying, "You are not my daughter. You are a fake." So she went back to (the guy). She asked if she could live with him and he said, "Yes." (The guy) and (the princess) lived happily ever after."
Daughters need their dads or they may end up like this princess, running to another man to provide what they are desperately needing. I can't change the beginning of Lucky's life. Her father abandoned her. That is part of her story. But the ending can be rewritten because God has promised to be a Father to the fatherless. He will not sit on His throne and turn her away. Instead, when she turns to Him, He will be filled with compassion and, like the father of the prodigal son, will run to her, throw His arms around her and kiss her.
And they will live happily ever after.
We took our bunch to church this morning and, as the pastor started his message entitled "God is Our Father", I glanced down the row. Not one of the six kids at church with us has grown up with their father. Most of the children we have cared for through the years have not had fathers.
Lucky cried through most of the church service and out into the parking lot. There's not much I can do for her except hold her and tell her I know how hard it is for her. I tell her that God is her Father and He will never abandon her. For some pain, there is no earthly comfort. Her wounds are deep and her feelings of rejection and abandonment define how she sees herself and how she views the world.
Recently, she participated in an author's fair at school. Her story was about a princess (whose name is a shortened version of her own name) and a guy (whose name is the same as her "crush" at school) at a ball. The first part of the story was a blatant rip-off of Cinderella and Snow White but the ending was original:
"Then something happened to her after that night. She appeared in a garden near the castle. She tried but she could not go back to the castle because her evil dad would not let her in. He was saying, "You are not my daughter. You are a fake." So she went back to (the guy). She asked if she could live with him and he said, "Yes." (The guy) and (the princess) lived happily ever after."
Daughters need their dads or they may end up like this princess, running to another man to provide what they are desperately needing. I can't change the beginning of Lucky's life. Her father abandoned her. That is part of her story. But the ending can be rewritten because God has promised to be a Father to the fatherless. He will not sit on His throne and turn her away. Instead, when she turns to Him, He will be filled with compassion and, like the father of the prodigal son, will run to her, throw His arms around her and kiss her.
And they will live happily ever after.
Our Little World
Squeaker had a rough start to the weekend on Friday night. Lucky had a little end of the year party with a few friends then we took the middles and The Boss to get a pizza to take to the park. Squeaker got into a minor spat with The Boss and then would not let it go, back-talking and noncompliant all evening and into Saturday morning. I took her for a walk on Saturday to talk about how she is choosing to heap consequences upon herself by letting small incidents turn into full-blown temper tantrums. She is in the third week of minimal privileges which started out by her being annoyed that I called her in to do chores and ended with name-calling, door slamming, destruction of property, and violent throwing of heavy objects. The walk and talk seemed to help with conduct and demeanor improving for the rest of the day.
Her stepdad and birth sister stopped by in the afternoon and I allowed her to be outside and play for a while. Her sister will come back today to go to church with us and spend the day. She and her dad are moving out of state in the beginning of July so I expect high emotions when we say our good-byes tonight.
The bigger kids have been making themselves scarce and hardly talking to us when they are here so it's been a relatively quiet weekend apart from The Boss lamenting that he has nobody to play with any more.
Her stepdad and birth sister stopped by in the afternoon and I allowed her to be outside and play for a while. Her sister will come back today to go to church with us and spend the day. She and her dad are moving out of state in the beginning of July so I expect high emotions when we say our good-byes tonight.
The bigger kids have been making themselves scarce and hardly talking to us when they are here so it's been a relatively quiet weekend apart from The Boss lamenting that he has nobody to play with any more.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Little Black Dress
Last summer, Lucky's grandma bought her a little black dress. Grandma asked Monica if she thought the dress would be appropriate for church. Hmmm...well, not our church. Maybe for a cocktail party but not for a (then) 11-year-old to wear to church.
Lucky brought the dress home. She wore it for Halloween with a pair of black wings. She asked to wear it to school. No. She asked to wear it to a party. No.
No. No. No. No.
It's not appropriate for school. In fact, I can't think of a single place where that dress would be appropriate for a twelve-year-old. Those were my exact words last week when she asked if she could wear it to school not once but TWICE.
Yesterday, she called her friend to RSVP to her 10th birthday party. She spoke to the girl's mom and, after hanging up, said, "Her mom told me I'm supposed to wear a black dress." (Ri-ght.) "Hey, I have a black dress."
Um, no. Again.
Lucky brought the dress home. She wore it for Halloween with a pair of black wings. She asked to wear it to school. No. She asked to wear it to a party. No.
No. No. No. No.
It's not appropriate for school. In fact, I can't think of a single place where that dress would be appropriate for a twelve-year-old. Those were my exact words last week when she asked if she could wear it to school not once but TWICE.
Yesterday, she called her friend to RSVP to her 10th birthday party. She spoke to the girl's mom and, after hanging up, said, "Her mom told me I'm supposed to wear a black dress." (Ri-ght.) "Hey, I have a black dress."
Um, no. Again.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Summer
It's not really feeling like summer around here. It's been unusually cold which we have been enjoying especially since only five plants from my garden succombed to the heat before things cooled down. That's not all that impressive though since I hardly planted anything this year. We are daring the weather with another planting hoping the late starters will have a chance to establish before our usual hot desert summer realizes that it overslept.
High school, middle school, and elementary school graduations under our collective belt, we'll spend a busy few months helping the kids prepare for the next phase of their lives.
Squeaker starts summer school tomorrow. She has been handling the last few weeks of minimum privileges beautifully. What're a few snorts and eyerolls among friends? I'm very happy with how she has been able to pull it together and comply with the restrictions she so clearly earned. Fewer choices and freedoms actually do make it easier for her to maintain control of both her anger and her giddiness so I'm hoping when we let out the tether a bit next week she will continue to be pleasant and cooperative.
The older teens are all on job hunts (or should be). Not only do they need their own spending money but they need to get out of the house doing something productive so I'm happy to drive them wherever they need to go in the quest for employment.
The task remains to find somewhere for Lucky to get out and have something to do. Our "new" town does not have the resources that we were used to before our move so it can be a challenge to find suitably enjoyable and appropriately supervised activities.
I pulled The Boss' second wiggly tooth so today we are off to the store to buy the Stargate action figure he has been saving for. Yes, I know I am raising him to be a sci-fi geek like his mommy, what's your point?
No lazy days of summer around here. Everybody get out and get busy!
High school, middle school, and elementary school graduations under our collective belt, we'll spend a busy few months helping the kids prepare for the next phase of their lives.
Squeaker starts summer school tomorrow. She has been handling the last few weeks of minimum privileges beautifully. What're a few snorts and eyerolls among friends? I'm very happy with how she has been able to pull it together and comply with the restrictions she so clearly earned. Fewer choices and freedoms actually do make it easier for her to maintain control of both her anger and her giddiness so I'm hoping when we let out the tether a bit next week she will continue to be pleasant and cooperative.
The older teens are all on job hunts (or should be). Not only do they need their own spending money but they need to get out of the house doing something productive so I'm happy to drive them wherever they need to go in the quest for employment.
The task remains to find somewhere for Lucky to get out and have something to do. Our "new" town does not have the resources that we were used to before our move so it can be a challenge to find suitably enjoyable and appropriately supervised activities.
I pulled The Boss' second wiggly tooth so today we are off to the store to buy the Stargate action figure he has been saving for. Yes, I know I am raising him to be a sci-fi geek like his mommy, what's your point?
No lazy days of summer around here. Everybody get out and get busy!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Day Two is a Bust
If Squeaker had managed (or bothered) to treat members of the household with even a speck of respect she would already be back to full privileges. As it is, she keeps resetting the clock by her snarky attitude and mean comments.
She started off reasonably well yesterday with only one small correction about her tone but by late afternoon she was off to the races again. She started in on the Boss again, repeatedly calling him a stupid baby until Ana asked Lucky to take him outside. That made her mad enough that she just would not shut up or stop rattling abusive names and chanting trashy rap songs.
I left Shorty cooking dinner and took her upstairs. I tried to talk to her but that was a complete waste of time resulting only in F-words and "I hate yous" (from her, not me). She also told me that she is going to become anorexic just to show me that she can, angry that I consider her threats to be attention seeking. She told me not to set a place at the table because she's never going to eat with us. Thirty minutes later she was at the table eating and dishing up seconds.
When I left her up in her room to cool down and be away from the others, she shouted names out the window at the Boss and a neighbor boy.
That window now has a lock on it so she cannot open it.
Another opportunity to take a fresh shot at it starts at 4 o'clock when she gets off the bus.
She started off reasonably well yesterday with only one small correction about her tone but by late afternoon she was off to the races again. She started in on the Boss again, repeatedly calling him a stupid baby until Ana asked Lucky to take him outside. That made her mad enough that she just would not shut up or stop rattling abusive names and chanting trashy rap songs.
I left Shorty cooking dinner and took her upstairs. I tried to talk to her but that was a complete waste of time resulting only in F-words and "I hate yous" (from her, not me). She also told me that she is going to become anorexic just to show me that she can, angry that I consider her threats to be attention seeking. She told me not to set a place at the table because she's never going to eat with us. Thirty minutes later she was at the table eating and dishing up seconds.
When I left her up in her room to cool down and be away from the others, she shouted names out the window at the Boss and a neighbor boy.
That window now has a lock on it so she cannot open it.
Another opportunity to take a fresh shot at it starts at 4 o'clock when she gets off the bus.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
That Happened
In what turned out to be a crummy end to an otherwise nice holiday weekend, Squeaker flipped out right before bedtime and launched into an hour's worth of backtalk and nonsense babble.
Unfortunately she is again demonstrating the fact that she is not ready for privileges that a normal fourteen year old normally enjoys. Last night a neighbor girl spent the night. When Squeaker has friends over, for whatever reason, it increases her rudeness and meanness to the other kids in the house especially towards Lucky and The Boss.
Tonight, while complaining that she's "not allowed to do anything", she also stomped, slammed, called me names, threw stuff at The Boss, mimicked him and called him "stupid" and "crybaby", and talked and sang loudly to herself when I finally parked her on a bench downstairs.
It is true that such immature, out of the blue, off the wall reactions do mean that she's not allowed to do much without supervision.
I wonder what it would be like to parent a "normal" teenager. I really have no idea.
Unfortunately she is again demonstrating the fact that she is not ready for privileges that a normal fourteen year old normally enjoys. Last night a neighbor girl spent the night. When Squeaker has friends over, for whatever reason, it increases her rudeness and meanness to the other kids in the house especially towards Lucky and The Boss.
Tonight, while complaining that she's "not allowed to do anything", she also stomped, slammed, called me names, threw stuff at The Boss, mimicked him and called him "stupid" and "crybaby", and talked and sang loudly to herself when I finally parked her on a bench downstairs.
It is true that such immature, out of the blue, off the wall reactions do mean that she's not allowed to do much without supervision.
I wonder what it would be like to parent a "normal" teenager. I really have no idea.
Friday, April 10, 2009
No Wonder I Don't Get Out Much
This evening we took Squeaker, Lucky, and The Boss to see the movie Hotel for Dogs. The girls had been wanting to see it so they were happy. I've been avoiding it as long as possible. We were aiming for Inkheart but got there a bit late so we decided to grit our teeth, mask our pain, and give 'em sweet potatoes (for you Zig Ziglar fans out there).
Now I feel a rant coming on.
SPOILER ALERT! If you are planning to see this movie I'm about to blow it for you. Stop reading now.
Not that you won't be able to decipher on your own the non-existent plot twists and painfully predictable characters in the first few minutes of the movie enabling you to jump to the inevitable warm, fuzzy conclusion and reclaim a good hour or so of your life by cutting out after the opening credits.
Okay, that was unkind. My kids liked it. Yours probably will to.
HOWEVER....
If I had known that it was about poor waifs in foster care I would not have bothered. True to form in the world of entertainment, the foster parents were depicted as stereo-typically mean, disgusting, self-serving jerks who take the money, mistreat the kids, and lock up the good stuff and feed the kids vile slop.
I've only ever seen two shows where foster parents were portrayed in a positive light. One was the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie Ellen Foster and the other was an episode of Touched by an Angel. Of course, on TBAA everyone thought the foster parents were baddies and it took an angel to show that they were actually caring and loving. Wait a sec, another pops to mind--Angels in the Outfield. The foster mom was a nice lady even though she made the kids sleep in sleeping bags instead of giving them sheets and blankets.
To be fair, in Hotel for Dogs the foster parents were not the only moronic adults. The cops and animal control officers were unsympathetic, snide, bumbling idiots who were dumber than all the kids and dogs combined. Pretty typical fare for child-focused movies.
As Ana commented, "This whole movie is a cliche."
It had some cute moments but they don't serve my rant so I guess you'll have to discover them for yourself. The girls got teary at one point and The Boss laughed out loud at the dog antics although he was bored any time people were on screen. By the time he had accidentally dumped two trays of popcorn and all his candy on the floor he just wanted to go to the lobby and play video games.
At least we went to the discount theater.
Now I feel a rant coming on.
SPOILER ALERT! If you are planning to see this movie I'm about to blow it for you. Stop reading now.
Not that you won't be able to decipher on your own the non-existent plot twists and painfully predictable characters in the first few minutes of the movie enabling you to jump to the inevitable warm, fuzzy conclusion and reclaim a good hour or so of your life by cutting out after the opening credits.
Okay, that was unkind. My kids liked it. Yours probably will to.
HOWEVER....
If I had known that it was about poor waifs in foster care I would not have bothered. True to form in the world of entertainment, the foster parents were depicted as stereo-typically mean, disgusting, self-serving jerks who take the money, mistreat the kids, and lock up the good stuff and feed the kids vile slop.
I've only ever seen two shows where foster parents were portrayed in a positive light. One was the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie Ellen Foster and the other was an episode of Touched by an Angel. Of course, on TBAA everyone thought the foster parents were baddies and it took an angel to show that they were actually caring and loving. Wait a sec, another pops to mind--Angels in the Outfield. The foster mom was a nice lady even though she made the kids sleep in sleeping bags instead of giving them sheets and blankets.
To be fair, in Hotel for Dogs the foster parents were not the only moronic adults. The cops and animal control officers were unsympathetic, snide, bumbling idiots who were dumber than all the kids and dogs combined. Pretty typical fare for child-focused movies.
As Ana commented, "This whole movie is a cliche."
It had some cute moments but they don't serve my rant so I guess you'll have to discover them for yourself. The girls got teary at one point and The Boss laughed out loud at the dog antics although he was bored any time people were on screen. By the time he had accidentally dumped two trays of popcorn and all his candy on the floor he just wanted to go to the lobby and play video games.
At least we went to the discount theater.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Geek High Five
So much going on with all the kids that I haven't been able to get my head straight to blog any of it. I feel like thoughts and ideas and worries are flying around in my brain but none of them connecting. When I described the feeling to Ana, complete with a demonstration of my index fingers shooting past each other but not meeting, she said, "Like a geek high five."
Two challenging kids back to line-of-sight supervision to protect property and the neighbors, daily lies and misdirection, irrational fears and unexplainable fits from the five year old (how will he go to kindergarten in the fall when he cries for 45 minutes because he has to go to the bathroom by himself?), keeping the littles safe from the meanness of the middles, navigating the complexities of older teens stuck somewhere in the crack between adult freedom and childish irresponsibility...all the while being constantly reminded that we don't communicate or do things like everybody's "real family". No wonder my head is rattled. These days I have no idea what I'm doing or what I've gotten myself into.
Squeaker is still acting a bit off even for her. She's cussing me out one minute and then acting super sweet and trying to engage me in coversation the next. She may be able to switch moods in 10 seconds flat but me, not so much. I don't even get how she can be so hateful and then come out and ask me sweetly for a privilege or favor while I'm still feeling freshly overhauled by her latest rage.
A renewed outburst of mean-and-nasty in which she pulled out every cruel insult and ugly word in her arsenal and shoved her bed in front of the door, resulted in her losing her activity for the evening and all privileges the next day.
I thought Saturday would be a toughy because that was the day that she was supposed to go either to Disneyland with her sister or to her cheer competition but her chronic temper had lost all privileges for the weekend. However, she did fine and was reasonably cheerful all day. I gave her a short hair cut as a fix for her hacking off big chunks from one side. She's been cutting/shaving/pulling snatches of her hair for years and I'm constantly taking her in to get it fixed so this time I did it myself.
Another cell phone went missing last week and, although I knew she and Lucky must have it, they kept it hidden for three days. I keep my bedroom door locked any time I am out of the room but this stealing thing has really gotten out of hand. shorty had set the phone down outside while he was on the trampoline and one of the girls just picked it up and slunk off unnoticed. Squeaker asked this week to go to the neighbor's house for the afternoon. Not hardly, little klepto.
Now the girls must ask permission to leave their room in the morning, go upstairs, outside or anywhere we can't see them. We must know where they are at all times even in the house. What a silly way to live. I don't want to be a jailor. Squeaker also frequently says mean things to The Boss when she thinks no one is around. But he's the biggest tattler in the house and then she hates him even more when he brings reinforcements.
As it turns out, keeping them close to home doesn't necessarily mean keeping the neighborhood safe from their obnoxiously inappropriate behavior. Monday night we got a knock on the door from one of our back-fence neighbors. Seems our sweet young ladies have been spending their time on the trampoline yelling naughty words, making fun of the neighbors in a racially disparaging way, and throwing bark and debris into their pool.
You know, I'm proud of my kids and I'm usually happy to claim them as mine but sometimes I want to say to people, "I didn't raise them that way! They didn't get that from me!"
Just sometimes.
Two challenging kids back to line-of-sight supervision to protect property and the neighbors, daily lies and misdirection, irrational fears and unexplainable fits from the five year old (how will he go to kindergarten in the fall when he cries for 45 minutes because he has to go to the bathroom by himself?), keeping the littles safe from the meanness of the middles, navigating the complexities of older teens stuck somewhere in the crack between adult freedom and childish irresponsibility...all the while being constantly reminded that we don't communicate or do things like everybody's "real family". No wonder my head is rattled. These days I have no idea what I'm doing or what I've gotten myself into.
Squeaker is still acting a bit off even for her. She's cussing me out one minute and then acting super sweet and trying to engage me in coversation the next. She may be able to switch moods in 10 seconds flat but me, not so much. I don't even get how she can be so hateful and then come out and ask me sweetly for a privilege or favor while I'm still feeling freshly overhauled by her latest rage.
A renewed outburst of mean-and-nasty in which she pulled out every cruel insult and ugly word in her arsenal and shoved her bed in front of the door, resulted in her losing her activity for the evening and all privileges the next day.
I thought Saturday would be a toughy because that was the day that she was supposed to go either to Disneyland with her sister or to her cheer competition but her chronic temper had lost all privileges for the weekend. However, she did fine and was reasonably cheerful all day. I gave her a short hair cut as a fix for her hacking off big chunks from one side. She's been cutting/shaving/pulling snatches of her hair for years and I'm constantly taking her in to get it fixed so this time I did it myself.
Another cell phone went missing last week and, although I knew she and Lucky must have it, they kept it hidden for three days. I keep my bedroom door locked any time I am out of the room but this stealing thing has really gotten out of hand. shorty had set the phone down outside while he was on the trampoline and one of the girls just picked it up and slunk off unnoticed. Squeaker asked this week to go to the neighbor's house for the afternoon. Not hardly, little klepto.
Now the girls must ask permission to leave their room in the morning, go upstairs, outside or anywhere we can't see them. We must know where they are at all times even in the house. What a silly way to live. I don't want to be a jailor. Squeaker also frequently says mean things to The Boss when she thinks no one is around. But he's the biggest tattler in the house and then she hates him even more when he brings reinforcements.
As it turns out, keeping them close to home doesn't necessarily mean keeping the neighborhood safe from their obnoxiously inappropriate behavior. Monday night we got a knock on the door from one of our back-fence neighbors. Seems our sweet young ladies have been spending their time on the trampoline yelling naughty words, making fun of the neighbors in a racially disparaging way, and throwing bark and debris into their pool.
You know, I'm proud of my kids and I'm usually happy to claim them as mine but sometimes I want to say to people, "I didn't raise them that way! They didn't get that from me!"
Just sometimes.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Busted
I got the phone back when I texted from an unfamiliar number and Lucky replied. Oops. Gotcha.
Squeaker had trouble in school today and called her teacher's aide a nasty name.
Still need to discuss consequences with both but we've definitely got some lost privileges to talk about. Squeaker's already in a majorly snarky mood so it should be a fun evening.
Update: That went about as expected with Squeaker although it could've been a lot worse. She refused meds and has been yelling down the hall at me but so far she's kept any profanity under her breath. Still, I don't see Disneyland in her future.
Update on the Update: Never mind. She just goes from bad to worse and comes up with endless mean, ugly, pointedly hurtful things to say. I sure hope I can get her to school tomorrow because I sure don't want to hang out all day with her. I managed to stay very calm but she is really getting to me lately. I need a break. For the next four years or so.
Squeaker had trouble in school today and called her teacher's aide a nasty name.
Still need to discuss consequences with both but we've definitely got some lost privileges to talk about. Squeaker's already in a majorly snarky mood so it should be a fun evening.
Update: That went about as expected with Squeaker although it could've been a lot worse. She refused meds and has been yelling down the hall at me but so far she's kept any profanity under her breath. Still, I don't see Disneyland in her future.
Update on the Update: Never mind. She just goes from bad to worse and comes up with endless mean, ugly, pointedly hurtful things to say. I sure hope I can get her to school tomorrow because I sure don't want to hang out all day with her. I managed to stay very calm but she is really getting to me lately. I need a break. For the next four years or so.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Consequences
Several days ago Lucky ran past my bedroom door with a small cosmetic bag tucked under her arm.
I said, "No nail polish upstairs."
She said after a brief pause,"It's not, it's, um, make-up." Right.
I said, "Okay, but no nail polish or you'll lose the privilege."
She said, "Okay."
A little while later I went to the girls' room to tell them to quiet down.
Sniff, sniff.
That smells like nail polish.
I said, "Hand it all over."
On Friday she was pestering me for the return of her cell phone to take it back to her mom's house, promising to delete her dad's number because she is not allowed to call him.
I said, "Here's the deal. You are not allowed to have a cell phone here but you keep sneaking it back into the house. I'm going to give it to you to take back to your mom's house but I never want to see it again. If you bring it back here you'll lose it for good."
She said, "Okay."
Last night Ana asked me why Squeaker was texting her from a cell with our area code. Turns out Squeaker had taken the prepaid phone that the kids use...the one I had been looking for all weekend to give to Peaches or Shorty while they were gone.
I went to her room and asked for it and on the second request she said, "It's {Lucky's}."
I said, "Give me the one that you stole from my room." She got the phone.
Then I said to Lucky, "Do you have your phone here?" She produced it from under the covers and I took that one too.
I said, "Good night. Lights out." and left.
I little while later I went back to their room to tell them to be quiet.
Sniff, sniff.
That smells like nail polish.
I said, "Who's putting on nail polish?"
Squeaker said, "Both of us."
I said, "Hand over all of it." She came up with two bottles.
Me: "Hand over all of it." She jerked open a drawer and gave me one more bottle.
Me: "Hand over all of it." She jerked open the same drawer and gave me four more bottles. I took the nail polish remover too and found two more bottles today. Squeaker likes to use her socks, quilt, and the rug to mop up nail polish spills so it is strictly forbidden upstairs.
I reminded them that they had now lost the privileges of using nail polish at all and said, "Good night. Lights out."
I thought I was pretty clear. Did they think I was kidding or that I couldn't figure it out? Or maybe they just don't care. I have no idea.
Anyway, this afternoon I noticed that Squeaker had scribbled on the sodoku puzzle she was working on last night "F--- ya!" and "Monica is a skanky hoe"(sic).
Yeah, that'll show me.
I said, "No nail polish upstairs."
She said after a brief pause,"It's not, it's, um, make-up." Right.
I said, "Okay, but no nail polish or you'll lose the privilege."
She said, "Okay."
A little while later I went to the girls' room to tell them to quiet down.
Sniff, sniff.
That smells like nail polish.
I said, "Hand it all over."
On Friday she was pestering me for the return of her cell phone to take it back to her mom's house, promising to delete her dad's number because she is not allowed to call him.
I said, "Here's the deal. You are not allowed to have a cell phone here but you keep sneaking it back into the house. I'm going to give it to you to take back to your mom's house but I never want to see it again. If you bring it back here you'll lose it for good."
She said, "Okay."
Last night Ana asked me why Squeaker was texting her from a cell with our area code. Turns out Squeaker had taken the prepaid phone that the kids use...the one I had been looking for all weekend to give to Peaches or Shorty while they were gone.
I went to her room and asked for it and on the second request she said, "It's {Lucky's}."
I said, "Give me the one that you stole from my room." She got the phone.
Then I said to Lucky, "Do you have your phone here?" She produced it from under the covers and I took that one too.
I said, "Good night. Lights out." and left.
I little while later I went back to their room to tell them to be quiet.
Sniff, sniff.
That smells like nail polish.
I said, "Who's putting on nail polish?"
Squeaker said, "Both of us."
I said, "Hand over all of it." She came up with two bottles.
Me: "Hand over all of it." She jerked open a drawer and gave me one more bottle.
Me: "Hand over all of it." She jerked open the same drawer and gave me four more bottles. I took the nail polish remover too and found two more bottles today. Squeaker likes to use her socks, quilt, and the rug to mop up nail polish spills so it is strictly forbidden upstairs.
I reminded them that they had now lost the privileges of using nail polish at all and said, "Good night. Lights out."
I thought I was pretty clear. Did they think I was kidding or that I couldn't figure it out? Or maybe they just don't care. I have no idea.
Anyway, this afternoon I noticed that Squeaker had scribbled on the sodoku puzzle she was working on last night "F--- ya!" and "Monica is a skanky hoe"(sic).
Yeah, that'll show me.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Humdinger
Squeaker and Lucky had a shriekingly loud go-at-it last night over a hairbrush. Lucky said Squeaker gave it to her but Squeaker was peeved about something and demanded it back. This is why we have very strict rules about not giving away or borrowing each other's possessions in this house. Also, when someone has something new we must often assume it is stolen.
Sadly, Squeaker allowed things to get to the point of threatening, bullying, wishing Lucky dead and then shouting me down and threatening to call a social worker to get one of them moved. Good luck with that, sweetheart.
She now must go 48 hours without threatening or disrespectful behavior to earn back privileges. Generally it takes about three or four days to get 48 hours straight.
And I have to go buy Lucky a new hairbrush.
Sadly, Squeaker allowed things to get to the point of threatening, bullying, wishing Lucky dead and then shouting me down and threatening to call a social worker to get one of them moved. Good luck with that, sweetheart.
She now must go 48 hours without threatening or disrespectful behavior to earn back privileges. Generally it takes about three or four days to get 48 hours straight.
And I have to go buy Lucky a new hairbrush.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tomorrow Will Be Better
Not a great end to the day for me.
The middle girls have been running around and shrieking since this afternoon and I have not been very patient with it. They didn't do the few things that I asked them to do before bedtime and their giggly shrillness is irritating every last nerve.
I was unintentionally snappish with Shorty on my way to shush them and put them back on task. Squeaker slammed the door twice when I told her not to go into the bathroom with Lucky and then told me she didn't slam anything, saying snottily, "You just hate everybody because your little kid got hurt." Yeah, whatever. She said I was mad at her all weekend and so I did tell her that I actually was pretty annoyed that she slammed doors and talked rudely to me repeatedly when I asked her to do things she should already know. This morning she slammed the door because I called her out on a lie. She lies and then she's the one who gets to slam the door? Unfair, I say.
The Boss is a horrible patient and I am a short-tempered nurse. He asks...or whines rather...for things all day long. When I'm lifting, carrying, holding him he immediately begins whining for me to do something or get something else for him. Did I mention how heavy he is with that cast on? I finally told him to knock it off and give me a break. He's going to have to be way more patient so I can schlep him where he needs to go then run around and get all the stuff he needs.
I'm feeling very aggravated with myself tonight and I'm sure the kids feel the same. I'm going to try very hard to do better tomorrow.
The middle girls have been running around and shrieking since this afternoon and I have not been very patient with it. They didn't do the few things that I asked them to do before bedtime and their giggly shrillness is irritating every last nerve.
I was unintentionally snappish with Shorty on my way to shush them and put them back on task. Squeaker slammed the door twice when I told her not to go into the bathroom with Lucky and then told me she didn't slam anything, saying snottily, "You just hate everybody because your little kid got hurt." Yeah, whatever. She said I was mad at her all weekend and so I did tell her that I actually was pretty annoyed that she slammed doors and talked rudely to me repeatedly when I asked her to do things she should already know. This morning she slammed the door because I called her out on a lie. She lies and then she's the one who gets to slam the door? Unfair, I say.
The Boss is a horrible patient and I am a short-tempered nurse. He asks...or whines rather...for things all day long. When I'm lifting, carrying, holding him he immediately begins whining for me to do something or get something else for him. Did I mention how heavy he is with that cast on? I finally told him to knock it off and give me a break. He's going to have to be way more patient so I can schlep him where he needs to go then run around and get all the stuff he needs.
I'm feeling very aggravated with myself tonight and I'm sure the kids feel the same. I'm going to try very hard to do better tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Most of My Brain Still Functioning
The first day after Ana's departure started off a little more hectic than I had hoped. Lucky had an appointment an hour away so I had to rush the middles and littles to get moving.
The Boss pouted and refused to dress himself because I had to leave him alone in the room to get ready because he wasn't moving fast enough. Then he got into a flap with Squeaker on his way downstairs. She said she didn't do anything but I think he was still scared to pass her since she often says mean things to him. Squeaker needed last minute instructions for a class she's struggling with and Shorty needed quarters. I'm not sure if he'll end up with lunch today because I haven't turned in his lunch form yet and I didn't have cash in small enough bills. I told him to make a sandwich but I'm not sure if he did. The fridge is jam-packed so no one should go hungry but sometimes the kids do if someone doesn't make it for them. He's going to a friend's house after school and Lucky is inviting several friends over to ours. After we left, Stickers stayed with Squeaker until her bus came and since I heard her loud self in the background when I was talking to her teacher today, I know she got there okay.
Anyway, everyone got where they were supposed to. I remembered to pick up Lucky's meds before getting to tomorrow morning and finding an empty bottle. The Boss, Seamonkey, and I are about to go for some outside time, them on the trampoline and me picking up the bushes I cut last time I took them out to jump. Yardwork is a long, fluid process but I get there eventually.
I already packed up more stuff for the Salvation Army truck (which hasn't come yet), I've done some laundry and some kitchen work, took a call from Squeaker's teacher, remembered to bring the dogs in and out on schedule, I've checked the chore list to see what jobs Ana would be doing today so I won't forget those....and I ate lunch all by myself which I hate to do.
I can do this...for a couple months anyway.
The Boss pouted and refused to dress himself because I had to leave him alone in the room to get ready because he wasn't moving fast enough. Then he got into a flap with Squeaker on his way downstairs. She said she didn't do anything but I think he was still scared to pass her since she often says mean things to him. Squeaker needed last minute instructions for a class she's struggling with and Shorty needed quarters. I'm not sure if he'll end up with lunch today because I haven't turned in his lunch form yet and I didn't have cash in small enough bills. I told him to make a sandwich but I'm not sure if he did. The fridge is jam-packed so no one should go hungry but sometimes the kids do if someone doesn't make it for them. He's going to a friend's house after school and Lucky is inviting several friends over to ours. After we left, Stickers stayed with Squeaker until her bus came and since I heard her loud self in the background when I was talking to her teacher today, I know she got there okay.
Anyway, everyone got where they were supposed to. I remembered to pick up Lucky's meds before getting to tomorrow morning and finding an empty bottle. The Boss, Seamonkey, and I are about to go for some outside time, them on the trampoline and me picking up the bushes I cut last time I took them out to jump. Yardwork is a long, fluid process but I get there eventually.
I already packed up more stuff for the Salvation Army truck (which hasn't come yet), I've done some laundry and some kitchen work, took a call from Squeaker's teacher, remembered to bring the dogs in and out on schedule, I've checked the chore list to see what jobs Ana would be doing today so I won't forget those....and I ate lunch all by myself which I hate to do.
I can do this...for a couple months anyway.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Copacetic
The last vestiges of holiday induced-tension seems to have lifted and everyone is in good spirits today (except Ana who can't seem to stay awake).
Squeaker is talking on the phone to her younger birth sister who she hasn't seen in four years. She just told her step-dad that I said something that I actually never said---although the intent was accurate---but other than that has been happy and appropriate. On the rare occasions that she talks to her older birth sister she is often snippy and accusatory. She has really been missing her birth family this Christmas and had soaked my shirt with tears and snot a couple times over the week. I'm glad they are getting a chance to catch up. Her sister was only four years old the last time they spoke.
C, now referred to here at Snark Bait as "Shorty", has been keeping to himself a lot today probably sleeping and playing video games in his room, but has come down from time to time to play with The Boss.
Stickers seems content puttering around the house.
Lucky wants to go redeem gift cards which we will do this weekend, but has found enough to entertain herself with Christmas gifts and the dogs.
The Boss moves from toy to toy a pro at keeping himself amused.
Everyone has rummaged for their own food and done a fair job of cleaning up after themselves.
We are about to get into a cut-throat game of electronic Monopoly at which we all agree we can find away to cheat...in good fun, of course.
Feels good. I could get used to this.
Squeaker is talking on the phone to her younger birth sister who she hasn't seen in four years. She just told her step-dad that I said something that I actually never said---although the intent was accurate---but other than that has been happy and appropriate. On the rare occasions that she talks to her older birth sister she is often snippy and accusatory. She has really been missing her birth family this Christmas and had soaked my shirt with tears and snot a couple times over the week. I'm glad they are getting a chance to catch up. Her sister was only four years old the last time they spoke.
C, now referred to here at Snark Bait as "Shorty", has been keeping to himself a lot today probably sleeping and playing video games in his room, but has come down from time to time to play with The Boss.
Stickers seems content puttering around the house.
Lucky wants to go redeem gift cards which we will do this weekend, but has found enough to entertain herself with Christmas gifts and the dogs.
The Boss moves from toy to toy a pro at keeping himself amused.
Everyone has rummaged for their own food and done a fair job of cleaning up after themselves.
We are about to get into a cut-throat game of electronic Monopoly at which we all agree we can find away to cheat...in good fun, of course.
Feels good. I could get used to this.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Allegations Part 2 and Parties for 2
Stickers moved back in on Wednesday. She has always visited frequently and for long periods of time so right now it feels like a visit except that she brought her dog and has been hauling stuff upstairs and has already done a load of laundry. She needs to enroll in college classes here and has a job in a nearby mountain community lined up for after Christmas. Seems like she has things well in hand. Her 16 year old brother (who also lived with us five years ago) will come on Monday and spend Christmas with us.
We had another CPS investigator out here yesterday, this time asking questions about an incident more than three years ago that none of us knew about (if it even ever happened) due to allegations of a child we don't really even remember. Remember, we did crisis care and had hundreds of kids through our homes some staying only overnight and some for months. Thankfully, the allegations were not against us. Nothing came of it except that we stressed for an entire day from the time she called to her actual visit since they won't tell you what they are investigating. We cannot think of any way such an incident could have occurred with any child in our home. She questioned our older kids but Squeaker was the only one around at that time and of course she knew nothing either. Totally ridiculous. And they wonder why they don't have enough foster homes.
Tonight we celebrate Lucky's birthday (12) which is actually tomorrow. Tomorrow we celebrate The Boss' birthday (5) which is actually Monday. School is out today so let the holiday/birthday partying begin!
We had another CPS investigator out here yesterday, this time asking questions about an incident more than three years ago that none of us knew about (if it even ever happened) due to allegations of a child we don't really even remember. Remember, we did crisis care and had hundreds of kids through our homes some staying only overnight and some for months. Thankfully, the allegations were not against us. Nothing came of it except that we stressed for an entire day from the time she called to her actual visit since they won't tell you what they are investigating. We cannot think of any way such an incident could have occurred with any child in our home. She questioned our older kids but Squeaker was the only one around at that time and of course she knew nothing either. Totally ridiculous. And they wonder why they don't have enough foster homes.
Tonight we celebrate Lucky's birthday (12) which is actually tomorrow. Tomorrow we celebrate The Boss' birthday (5) which is actually Monday. School is out today so let the holiday/birthday partying begin!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Stuff We're Doing
It's that time of the year with lots of new kids into the foster care system so we've been getting calls for placement of young children. Unusual since our agency mostly places older kids. Today we got calls for two sets of sisters each with a baby and a younger elementary girl. The distance we now live from our licensing county is a barrier to actually getting any new-to-the-system kids in our home since they tend to have more frequent visits. It would be fun to have some little girls here for Christmas though.
Squeaker continues her swing of friendly, cooperative behavior. Always nice to be on this end of the pendulum for however long it lasts.
Lucky just returned from science camp. Only two minor injuries while there, one canoe finger-crush incident and one rock wall chin bashing, so not bad.
Stickers moves back home (with us) next week. She's never spent Christmas with us so we are almost as excited as "baby's first Christmas".
The Boss is his goofy little self, stoked about turning five in less than two weeks. Where did my little fluffy-headed baby go? I can't believe he'll be in school next year. I love 5/6 year old little boys...such a fun age.
Off to see the girls perform for their last night of cheer.
Squeaker continues her swing of friendly, cooperative behavior. Always nice to be on this end of the pendulum for however long it lasts.
Lucky just returned from science camp. Only two minor injuries while there, one canoe finger-crush incident and one rock wall chin bashing, so not bad.
Stickers moves back home (with us) next week. She's never spent Christmas with us so we are almost as excited as "baby's first Christmas".
The Boss is his goofy little self, stoked about turning five in less than two weeks. Where did my little fluffy-headed baby go? I can't believe he'll be in school next year. I love 5/6 year old little boys...such a fun age.
Off to see the girls perform for their last night of cheer.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Summing Up
Computer back in the shop. Back on the slowbie (again grateful yet impatient). Too hard to blog so will bullet point the day.
Better behavior from Squeaker after non-lecture but "this is the way it's gonna be" talk from me last night. Her appearance in our town Christmas parade is at stake so I think I'll get perfect behavior all week.
The Boss is hyper and crazy lately and asking if he can have a "big boy" come live with us. Also asking for a dad. I'll get right on that, son.
Lucky enjoying her new cupboard-under-the-stairs hidey-hole that Ana made for her this week to get away from Squeaker when she's being mean. "There's no such thing as magic!"
After 5+ years since she left, Stickers is ready to come on back home to us now that she is 18.
The agency imploring us to take more kids because the crisis shelter is packed and there are not enough homes. Would need a three-to-a-room waiver to make that possible since it's brother/sister sibs (girl 6 and boy 8--there's The Boss' "big boy") and we only have one room.
Tappy coming this weekend for respite.
The rude dogs keep getting out from under the fence. Why do we have dogs again?
Otherwise, all is calm and all is bright. Very much looking forward to Christmas this year minus the ever ungrateful Drama Boy and Sparky.
Better behavior from Squeaker after non-lecture but "this is the way it's gonna be" talk from me last night. Her appearance in our town Christmas parade is at stake so I think I'll get perfect behavior all week.
The Boss is hyper and crazy lately and asking if he can have a "big boy" come live with us. Also asking for a dad. I'll get right on that, son.
Lucky enjoying her new cupboard-under-the-stairs hidey-hole that Ana made for her this week to get away from Squeaker when she's being mean. "There's no such thing as magic!"
After 5+ years since she left, Stickers is ready to come on back home to us now that she is 18.
The agency imploring us to take more kids because the crisis shelter is packed and there are not enough homes. Would need a three-to-a-room waiver to make that possible since it's brother/sister sibs (girl 6 and boy 8--there's The Boss' "big boy") and we only have one room.
Tappy coming this weekend for respite.
The rude dogs keep getting out from under the fence. Why do we have dogs again?
Otherwise, all is calm and all is bright. Very much looking forward to Christmas this year minus the ever ungrateful Drama Boy and Sparky.
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