Help Yourself

On Sunday I didn't cook at all. It was cereal for breakfast, bbq hamburgers at church for lunch, and scrounge your own dinner from the week's leftovers.

It seems ice cream was a popular supper choice. When I emptied the dishwasher on Monday morning I counted 23 spoons and only three forks in the silverware basket.

Max Gross Load

Okay, so maybe not today, maybe tomorrow...

I've completely reached the limit of my patience with The Boss' whining and screaming. His leg is better, no pain, but he will not walk on it. The other kid's aren't even home from school yet. Hopefully Squeaker can maintain today without too much snark because already I feel like jamming socks in my ears and hiding under the sofa until Ana comes home.

He is darn cute though.

Tomorrow Will Be Better

Not a great end to the day for me.

The middle girls have been running around and shrieking since this afternoon and I have not been very patient with it. They didn't do the few things that I asked them to do before bedtime and their giggly shrillness is irritating every last nerve.

I was unintentionally snappish with Shorty on my way to shush them and put them back on task. Squeaker slammed the door twice when I told her not to go into the bathroom with Lucky and then told me she didn't slam anything, saying snottily, "You just hate everybody because your little kid got hurt." Yeah, whatever. She said I was mad at her all weekend and so I did tell her that I actually was pretty annoyed that she slammed doors and talked rudely to me repeatedly when I asked her to do things she should already know. This morning she slammed the door because I called her out on a lie. She lies and then she's the one who gets to slam the door? Unfair, I say.

The Boss is a horrible patient and I am a short-tempered nurse. He asks...or whines rather...for things all day long. When I'm lifting, carrying, holding him he immediately begins whining for me to do something or get something else for him. Did I mention how heavy he is with that cast on? I finally told him to knock it off and give me a break. He's going to have to be way more patient so I can schlep him where he needs to go then run around and get all the stuff he needs.

I'm feeling very aggravated with myself tonight and I'm sure the kids feel the same. I'm going to try very hard to do better tomorrow.

Gimpy

This time it was The Boss visiting the ER. The scene in the X-Ray room was a familiar one. Lots of screaming, kicking, grabbing, freaking, not cooperating, etc...

Yesterday The Boss was jumping on the trampoline with Shorty. He suddenly fell screaming and grabbing his leg. The X-Ray shows no breaks but some fluid on his knee so he's in a hip-to-toe splint and will need to be seen by an orthopedist in a few days. He may need an MRI if the pain persists. Somewhat concerning is the fact that he was complaining about pain in that leg two days before the trampoline incident. He also seemed kind of feverish so I attributed it to that and gave him some Tylenol.

Hoisting him around the next few days should be fun and back-straining. Just propping him to use the toilet has been an interesting adventure. When I laid him back on the bed this morning and got his clothes put right again he said, "Thank you for helping me with that, Mommy". Awwwwwwww. He's just the sweetest. He whimpered and thrashed all night but is refusing any medicine. He does seem to be in a lot less pain today now that the leg is immobilized. I've had to move him up so I can get him in and out more easily and pile up pillows to keep his leg straight out in front.

Trust but Verify

I can't even do that. One of the byproducts of being lied to all the time by kids is that I can't trust anything they say. Sad.

Unrelated....another three hours in the ER with yet another kid. More on that later.

Where Credit is Due

Last Sunday I felt some twinges of guilt and regret as our pastor talked about honoring others and gave an example of honoring your kids. Ouch. Often I feel very dishonored by my teenaged kids, especially my middle child. I go into "survival" mode and it becomes difficult to honor the good things about them the way I should. I decided last week that I would do better at that even when it is not reciprocated.

So Squeaker went ahead and had a gnarly, hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it week as if to put my fledgling commitment to the test.

She screamed, stomped, sassed, cussed, slammed, eye-rolled, over-reacted, ignored, cried and even got kicked out of after-school tutoring after just three days for her "nasty, negative" attitude.

However, this week she also reconciled with her adult sister, offered to help out in the kitchen, got along with Lucky, recovered from a tantrum and improved her behavior, pulled a failing grade up to a passing one, got an A on project that she completed without any prompting, did all of her chores every day, and braved school each day even though she hates half her teachers and she feels like she has no friends.

I'm pretty proud of her.

Sleepy Boy

Last night The Boss and I were flopped sideways across my bed, he watching Macgyver dvds and me reading a book. After he fell asleep I picked him up to put him to bed. As I lay him down, he arched and cried with eyes still shut, "I can't! I can't! I can't!" I asked, "You can't what?" while rubbing his hair.

He settled down into his pillows, still asleep, murmuring, "I-I-I need Transforners."

In case you ever wondered what five year old boys dream about.

Lull

We're experiencing the customary calm after the storm. Squeaker has gotten into a few spats with the little kids but otherwise has been fine. She called her little sister's dad and got her older sister's phone number and talked to her for a while. That was the only phone call between them in a long time that did not end with Squeaker slamming the phone down. Big sister had heard from her bio-mom so she got an update on that situation too.

Tomorrow is a holiday and Friday everyone has off because it is the end of the semester (Why, why, why is the school district doing that to me? Yes, It's all about me.) The high schoolers also have short days on Wednesday and Thursday because of finals so I'm trying to figure out if that kills the plans I had for Wednesday.

It must be Sunday morning around here because someone is whining and The Boss is refusing to take a shower before church.

Many Moods

It's my house after all.

Squeaker left the house cheerful and called me from school cheerful. Then we picked her up from an after school math class and Lucky was sitting in the front seat and I didn't make her move to the back so Squeaker could have the front. She got in glaring and snarling and then slammed both feet into the back of Lucky's seat. When I told her to put her feet down she bellowed about how it's not fair and Lucky isn't even old enough to sit in front (she is) and finally shut up when I told her she could sit in the back from now on if she continues to act like that.

She was cheerful by the time we got to the house and invited Lucky to jump on the trampoline with her and then they went for a run.

When she got back the eye rolling began when I told her to get her book to do reading but first change out of her school P.E. shorts. When one of the other kids mentioned to me that she was kind of stinky I remembered that she was supposed to take a shower directly after a run so went to remind her to do that.

That didn't go over too big and the stomping, slamming, fit-pitching began. I guess I confused her with too many different requests. So I outlined it for her: 1. Take a shower. 2. Clean up your room. 3. Get your book and read. 4. Stay in your room until I call you to help in the kitchen.

She decided she did not have the kitchen chore that day (she did) and said over and over "I'm not going to do something that's not my chore." I walked away to the tune of two more door slams (bedroom and bathroom).

She came down later so I called her over to set the table. Cabinet door slam. Plates on the table slam. So I told her forget it, just go on back up stairs until I call you for dinner. That's when the "Oh MY GAWWWWWWWD!" began and my favorite response when I tell her not to talk like that to me, "I just did." Sweet. Go. Up. Stairs. Now.

She made sure to call be a nasty name on her way out of the room so I called her back to tell her again not to talk to me like that which brought my second favorite response, "Whatever."

Later while I was making dinner she brought me a tiny scrap of paper torn from her report card so she could give me my grade as a parent: F

I actually think I've pulled it up a bit since last time she graded me. Yea me.

She left the room screaming about how I'm so busy ruining her life that she can't tell me the truth about her birth mom.

By dinner, she was cheerful again and asked if she could talk to me about her mom after dinner.

When she told me what was going on with her birth mom and then we prayed about the situtation, she cried on me and hugged me.

She then went cheerfully off to bed even after I told her she needed to uninvite her friend this weekend since any week in which she calls me a b***ch does not end in her having a friend spend the night.

So many moods, so little time.


P.S. And a big ol' thanks to Shorty for stepping in to set the table.

Am I in the Wrong House?

Yesterday was a pleasant day and not a single kid was noticeably angry for any part of it (which is quite the feat around here). I did household chores like crazy all morning and then took the middles and littles to the park in the afternoon. We had pasta bake and garlic bread for dinner which the kids all seem to really like although it's not my favorite. I just loaded up on salad. Sometimes I make "kid food" dinners so all the kids can eat and enjoy without picking things apart. Everyone finished up chores without a fuss and the older girls did a few extra jobs in the kitchen. Squeaker and Lucky even went into their room early for the night. Peaches gave the little boys a bath and watched a movie with them in her room. Stickers and Shorty snuck out for ice cream and brought me one too. Very nice.

Makes us sound almost kind of normal doesn't it?

Most of My Brain Still Functioning

The first day after Ana's departure started off a little more hectic than I had hoped. Lucky had an appointment an hour away so I had to rush the middles and littles to get moving.

The Boss pouted and refused to dress himself because I had to leave him alone in the room to get ready because he wasn't moving fast enough. Then he got into a flap with Squeaker on his way downstairs. She said she didn't do anything but I think he was still scared to pass her since she often says mean things to him. Squeaker needed last minute instructions for a class she's struggling with and Shorty needed quarters. I'm not sure if he'll end up with lunch today because I haven't turned in his lunch form yet and I didn't have cash in small enough bills. I told him to make a sandwich but I'm not sure if he did. The fridge is jam-packed so no one should go hungry but sometimes the kids do if someone doesn't make it for them. He's going to a friend's house after school and Lucky is inviting several friends over to ours. After we left, Stickers stayed with Squeaker until her bus came and since I heard her loud self in the background when I was talking to her teacher today, I know she got there okay.

Anyway, everyone got where they were supposed to. I remembered to pick up Lucky's meds before getting to tomorrow morning and finding an empty bottle. The Boss, Seamonkey, and I are about to go for some outside time, them on the trampoline and me picking up the bushes I cut last time I took them out to jump. Yardwork is a long, fluid process but I get there eventually.

I already packed up more stuff for the Salvation Army truck (which hasn't come yet), I've done some laundry and some kitchen work, took a call from Squeaker's teacher, remembered to bring the dogs in and out on schedule, I've checked the chore list to see what jobs Ana would be doing today so I won't forget those....and I ate lunch all by myself which I hate to do.

I can do this...for a couple months anyway.

Misunderstood

Lizzy: “Your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.”
Mr. Darcy: “And yours is willfully to misunderstand them.”


CAUTION: Rant Ahead.

Okay then, you were warned.

Ana leaves in a couple days and I am beginning to feel a little apprehensive at being left behind. I, in fact, have suggested to her that the solution may be for her to stay and me to go. I'm pretty sure all the kids would like that better....except for The Boss but he could come with me since he's not in school. Anyway, I dream.

It's not being left alone with the appointments and the chores and the constant "What am I going to make for dinner this time" without end or back-up. It's not even the yelling, stomping, door slams, and eye rolls. What is actually getting to me these days is the backyard or behind-closed-doors (even though they are not allowed in each others rooms) behind-my-back b***ch sessions that are constantly going on.

Often I have kids being relatively friendly to my face or even reluctantly cooperative after a blow-up and I think we're in the clear and then they spend the next few days griping, ranting, and trashing me to the other kids. Thanks so much.

My kids are stewers (is that a word?) building up resentment and anger until it blows everywhere. And it seems that no matter how I respond it will not be in the way that they want and lately no matter what I do or how much I do it is not enough for them. There is always a long list from them of what I should be doing or how I should have done things differently. Of course, the lists are different. One wants to run away because I'm "hard to talk to" even though I have been supportive and non-judgmental when she has chosen to talk to me. One is a huge talker and if I try to help her work through her jumbled emotions and distorted hate-the-world thinking, I am "Always lecturing". I can't win. Can Not Do It. That's my fault because I'm just the mom here....and the replacement mom yet, I'm reminded.

Teenagers think they are the ones so misunderstood (and seem to relish the role). I contend that it's really adults who are misunderstood (and willfully so) by teenagers.

That's why the most difficult part of Ana being away for a while is losing the other person in the house who does understand, which some days is what makes it all okay. Or as Uncle Monty says in A Series of Unfortunate Events, "I may know better than anyone what you're going through. But it's gonna be alright. We'll be with people who can understand us. People who are like us."

Just don't answer the doorbell.

"Watch Your Mouth, Kid, or You're Gonna Find Yourself Floating Home."**

The Boss has been rude and smart-mouthy the last few days. He snorts, stomps, crosses his arms, rolls his eyes, and heaves huge sighs when I ask him to do anything. C'mon kid, one thirteen-year-old-girl-attitude in this family is enough right now and five is a little too early to be starting the "mom is an idiot" phase.

When I was sending him to time-out this afternoon I told him to remember that he was acting this way now so he can just skip right on past it when he gets older.

I was trying to get out the door but he wouldn't cooperate and come out of time-out so I had to leave him with Ana while I took Shorty shoe shopping. He screamed, cried, kicked, hit, and pinched for an hour and half while I was gone. The Boss, that is, not Shorty.

When I got home he said, "I'm not crying any more, mom." and immediately started asking for chips, jumps on the trampoline, and drinks of my coke.

Glad he recovered so happily. Ana looked wiped out for the rest of the evening. I'm sure they'll both sleep soundly tonight.

**Han Solo to Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars, of course.

And in Other News

Ana will be leaving on Tuesday to spend a few months in the Washington DC area helping care for our niece and nephew while our sister-in-law is at work. Our little brother (sorry can't help it even if he is 25 now!) is in training in the Army and has been away from home for a while and they find themselves in a bit of a childcare crunch at the moment.

This week we must scramble around and do all those silly little projects we have been procrastinating on for so long. It's not that I can't do them without Ana it's just that I don't wanna.

All seven kids/young people here seem reasonably stable at the moment so we'll hope that lasts the months that I will be alone and outnumbered--- which I know sounds pretty Twinkie compared to some bloggers I read with kids numbering in double digits beginning in two and three.

I already have an idea for a new blog but, sadly, Ana may not have daily access to internet. I may just have to amuse myself with it.

All I Really Want for Christmas (or any time)

Sorry to bring up Christmas again, but I'm taking down the tree today so it reminded me......I would have posted this in December but couldn't on the borrowed computer. Steven Curtis Chapman is suitable for any month of the year though.

Looking Up

Another blow-up yesterday from the direction of Squeaker but otherwise things seem to be regaining our awkward version of normal.

I had to finally point out to Squeaker that while she may feel unloved because of the expectations and responsibilities placed upon her (I told her she had to finish homework and make-up missed chores before jumping on the new trampoline)that actually I was the one being mistreated by her not the other way around. While I will not put up with her chronic foul mouth, abuse, and disrespect, I still do love her and give her opportunities to try again to improve behavior and earn more priviliges. Within fifteen minutes she was acting cheerfully normal and right before bedtime she told me that she knew what she said about not being loved was not true. Another successful day.

Some days it feels like the old "one step forward, two steps back". However, often those "steps back" can be the springboard for some sizeable leaps ahead. As much as being yelled at and cussed at feels hugely uncomfortable and wrong, it not only allows some issues to come up that might not otherwise, but gives me the opportunity to show my kids that I love them and I'm here for them not matter what and we're in this together for the long haul. I wish I always handled it in the best way when we're in the midst of an emotional crisis but in the end I want them to know that my love and forgiveness and committment to them hasn't changed.

Scapegoat

The kids are back in school today and I am relieved. It was a rough two weeks. Amazingly, the actual holidays were very nice but all the in-between days were pretty awful right up until the end.

Each of my kids had at least two ranting, angry tantrums. That's two tantrums times three kids in two weeks minus the holidays so twelve days which means on average it was a tantrum every other day.

And I, apparently, am the cause of all that is wrong with their worlds. Among the triggers for said tantrums were saying no to a movie at bedtime, asking someone to put something away, putting something away for someone, correcting rude behavior, and showing irritation when I was irritated.

And for such unconscionable acts I have been cussed at and about; have had to listen to, "I don't like you", "I want to run away", "I wish I was never adopted", "I'm out of here as soon as I turn 18", "I have to do everything myself". I've been accused of not doing enough, giving enough, buying enough, loving enough. According to my kids, I'm the reason why everyone is so angry and rude and the default cause of brattiness in three-year-olds.

Of course, they seem to recover relatively quickly and move on to other things until the next explosion and I'm the one still aggravated. Usually it's another day, another snark...I indulge my annoyance with an after bed-time gripe session with Ana and then I'm fine. But for some reason the barbs are sticking this time around. Maybe it's my annual wistful hope for a warm, fuzzy holiday season with my kids which will likely never happen.

So I'm grateful for the space and quiet this morning. And I'm sure they are glad for the chance to get back to school and away from me too.

Conundrum

Why is it that when teenagers around here demand to be given more rights, respect, and freedom it is usually when they are having a "teen tantrum" and acting the most childishly selfish and petty?