She's Back

We have a new addition to the household increasing the frenetic energy load already high from summer nothing-to-dos and schedules out-of-whack due to visiting relatives.
Soon everyone will get used to the change and things will get back to normal (or what we call normal for us).

"Lucky" is an 11-year-old girl who lived with Ana for a while as a crisis placement a few years ago. She had been placed with a relative a few hours from here. When they could no longer care for her, the placement worker dug into the file and found that she had lived with Ana and called to see if we could take her as a long term placement because they really wanted her with someone she knew (pretty unusual for a PW to go to that trouble).

So far everyone is acting like they are at summer camp hyper and wild, playing pranks and one-upping. Sparky is being particularly crazy and out of control. Squeaker went to school in a miffy snit because I made her change out of Lucky's clothes. The girls are sharing a room and are excited about sharing clothes even though they are 4 sizes in difference.

After a morning which involved allowing dogs on furniture, running up and down the stairs, and throwing underwear around, the five kids who are not in school have finally settled down to watch Veggie Tales so there is relative calm right now.

Good enough for me.

The Cost of Peace

With summer vacation fully upon us, Ana has been driving Sparky and Drama Boy to the Boy's and Girl's Club about a half-hour from our house. Yesterday she drove them to the pool the next town over. Each night we discuss whether this is the best thing to do considering the cost of gas and the amount of time spent in the car. Last night we decided spending several hundred a week in gas might be too steep a price to pay.

Today we are rethinking. Any day that the boys stay at home and have to come up with their own entertainment usually results in various combinations of messes, wrestling, fighting, whining, cursing, and complaining.

This afternoon while our program social worker was here, they had a knock-down-drag-out brawl upstairs. When Ana separated them they turned their anger on her with Drama Boy wailing and crying and Sparky tearing up the upstairs and throwing the dirty clothes and hampers around the hallway.

Get a grip, fellas.

Of course, in his totally screwed-up sense of reality, Drama Boy has been having fits that we drop them at the Boy's and Girl's Club because we "want to get rid of them" while bemoaning the fact that they don't get to go often enough or stay long enough. Fortunately, he is able to keep himself busy quietly with legos, drawing, or books...at least when Sparky lets him.

The problem with Sparky is that if he has to come up with his own amusement the only thing he can think of is to tackle and annoy Drama Boy until he cries.

At the risk of telling our own kid stories ("...walked to school every day, uphill both ways..."), I can't believe that kids can't figure out things to do to entertain themselves.

But then again, we often despair of "kids these days" who ask for scissors to open their Otter Pops. C'mon kids, that's what your teeth are for!

What's Your Sign?

I caught this on another blog and for some reason it really choked me up.



Rejection. Mental illness. Behavior disorders. School problems. Poor choices. Physical/Sexual/Emotional abuse. Drug/alcohol exposed before birth. Teen pregnancy. Angry. Neglected. Depressed. Hopeless. Alone.

These are just some of the tattered cardboard signs kids have carried with them into our home. It's good to be reminded that our feeble efforts to meet the tremendous need are not the answer. It may take many years but we hold on to the hope that on the flip side of those raggedy signs is a whole new life and reality in Jesus.

I'm Not Crazy

They're just trying to make me think I am.

In a hurry this morning, needing to get to a meeting an hour away after dropping the four boys off for our niece to babysit. I was trying to get the little boys ready and check work email before I left. Got to the car and realized I was not holding my cell phone. Ana had already left with the boys. Went back in to look around. Retraced steps. Scratched my head and called myself an idiot for always setting stuff down and forgetting where I left it. Losing my mind, my keys, and my cell phone are regular occurrences. Finally I called it from the home phone.

One of the older boys had hidden it under the canvas lining of the basket we keep by the door for backpacks.

Snark of the Day

It was a tough call because we've had a snarkful, snitty, hot, irritable weekend. But, of course, we went with the ones that made us laugh. All decisions of the judges are final.


Second Runner-Up: Sparky

Context: Four hour self-pity party. We're getting a new girl tomorrow who will be sharing a room with Squeaker. I bought new bedding, a rug, and a mirror for their room. Sparky always gets upset when someone gets something he doesn't. Never mind the fact that he received new bedding and room decorations when he first moved in and again from his grandma when we moved into our new home. He now wants Ana to take back everything she ever gave to him. Ana told me that if she does that all he will have left is a collapsable hamper, some broken toys, two t-shirts, and a comforter.

Snark: "You think you know how to take care of kids. Yeah, right!"

Zing! Ow, that one really hurt. Yeah, right.
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First Runner-Up: Squeaker

Context: Mini-tantrum at lunch. The mexican restaurant we went to gave us free refillable kids drinks. Free stuff? No argument from me. Squeaker took one look at the small size of the cup and picked it up, moved it away, and turned away from it with her arms crossed huffily. Since Ana and I were sharing a drink I happily took the little discarded cup and got myself a soda from the fountain. A while later she got thirsty and realized her cup and was gone then proceeded to have a snitty fit although I told her to feel free to ask for a water cup ("Yeah, right"). Okay whatever... contentedly sipping my tiny little soda. She muttered snotty comments almost continuously for next 20 minutes. Finally, I told her there would be no soda next time either to which she responded:

Snark: "Like I would come back here again anyway.....the food is GAHross." While still shoveling it in.

Okay, I admit that Ana and I laughed out loud at that one (and I don't mind packing her PB&J for next time).
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The Winner: Sparky

Context: Sparky and Drama Boy were wrestling upstairs when we were supposed to be walking out the door to go to church. Ana called them repeatedly. Finally they came down but Sparky stopped on the stairs and refused to come. Ana told him "People are waiting in the hot car. You need to come now and stop being selfish."

Snark: I am NOT selfish. Besides I don't care if they are waiting in the car!"

Snark you very much.

Toasty

The temperature is 110 today. Dry-up casualties include the strawberry plants, Gerbera daisies, string beans, onions, and my sinuses. I think the strawberries will recover.

Squeaker had what must have been heat-induced insanity this afternoon when, instead of getting on the school bus she ditched and left school property to apparently walk to a boy's house. The driver of another bus spotted her and stopped but she refused to get on the bus. I got a call from a teacher, the bus driver, and later the summer school principal and had to go find her.

I thought she would run the other way when she saw the car but she came straight to the car and got in (a little warmed by walking in the heat wearing long sleeves, perhaps?).

I have not said anything to her about it yet but have required her to sit at either the kitchen table or living room couch so I can keep an eye on her. She'll have to be within an arm's reach of me all weekend which will stink for her tomorrow since it's Foster Family Picnic day and there's lots of fun stuff to run around and do for kids who don't have to be within an arm's reach of mom.

Come to think of it, it will probably stink for me too.

No Animals Were Harmed in the Making of this Meal

At dinner, the Boss was trying to identify the food on his plate. He speared a piece and said, "Hey, that's a cricket."

It was asparagus. Any resemblance to any insect, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Summer "Fun"

Well, it's day three of summer vacation and it feels like a month.

On day one, I asked Drama Boy to pick up a sock that he threw into the hallway instead of the hamper. He said, "I guess it's going to be another boring day." So then he got to pick a chore so he would have something to do and he cried about that. On day two, he cried when he had to empty the dishwasher and then asked if he could move out before he turned 18. Please do.

Sparky has had a meltdown or blow out at least once every single day. My favorite so far: he was going to squirt Drama Boy with the water bottle so DB punched him. Sparky came to tattle. I began, "You need..." and he shouted "SEE YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE HIM AND I AM THE ONE WHO GETS IN TROUBLE EVEN IF I DON'T DO ANYTHING. I HATE YOUR FRICKIN GUTS!" Hmmm. Okaaay.

And, by the way, I had to get up three times since I started writing this to send them back to bed or break up a fight. (And take some Tums and 2 Excedrin.)

How many days until school starts?

Cutie Patooty

Can I just say that there's nothing cuter than a sparkly-brown-eyed four year old little guy throwing his head back laughing out loud at a computer generated mouse running from a cat.

The Good Old Summertime

Summer vacation is off to a start about like we predicted. Nobody has been consistently awful but we've had some ugly flare-ups of defiant, disrespectful behavior.

Of course, since they are on vacation, they think they should stay up as late as they want (the boys) and sleep as late as they want (the girls). I can't stay up that late anymore without dragging around all the next day and we like to enjoy even a little bit of quiet after the kids go to bed so the open-ended bedtime is not gonna happen. I'm much more of a stickler on bedtimes than Ana because I get tired and cranky. We try to stay on a bit of a schedule or else some of the kids think they are entitled to late bedtimes all of the time because they got to stay up late one night. That's where Sparky starts to have meltdowns. If he thinks he should get something than too bad for anybody who says "no" or happens to be in the vicinity. Drama Boy does pretty well entertaining himself but complains of boredom every time he is asked to do a chore or pick up after himself.

Squeaker gave the staff at the B&G's Club a rough time yesterday, mouthing off and demanding to use the phone so she could get herself picked up. She was also caught holding hands with a boy in the teen room which is strictly forbidden there (as it should be).

She is off and on moping and complaining about summer school which started today. Once she gets into it she'll be glad to be going since it gets her out of the house and they do lots of activities, cooking classes, and water days along with the math and language arts.

Yesterday when I picked the kids up from the B&G club a discovered that someone had scratched our last name into the paint on my car. I was almost beside myself with irritation and had them all climb back out so I could scold them about being inconsiderate and careless and destructive and how much it would cost to repair. As expected all of them denied it and nobody cared.

I can't belive one of them actually had the nerve because I am constantly telling them to get away from the car and don't EVER write in the dust or drag stuff along the car because it will scratch. My sad car already has Squeaker's initials carved into the paint twice along with "BB" although I'm not sure who that was. It has various other scrapes and scratches from kids slamming stuff into it or making scribbles in the dust. When we lived at the ranch and had a gravel driveway, Squeaker used to go outside and throw rocks at it when she got mad at me. It had a window broken out by two of my kids shooting rocks off a plastic spoon (the same window that had been replaced several months earlier after it was broken into).

Part of the reason we have been on a declutter and downsize kick for the past five years or so is to decrease our level of frustration when our things are carelessly or intentionally destroyed (not to mention stolen) by the kids. Even the things we continue to use and need like cars, furniture, walls, and doors show the marks of kids rages and thoughtless actions.

Arguing, Whining, Eye-Rolling, Snorting, Stomping, Slamming, Tattling, Complaining, Fussing, Yelling, Boredom, Oh Boo-Hoo

Summer vacation, Day 1.

Eat a Treat, Support Adoption

This weekend when you buy a Frosty at participating Wendy's restaurants fifty cents will be contributed to the Dave Thomas Foundation to help find adoptive familes for the over 150,000 waiting children in foster care.

Pretty cool.

Pirates

Squeaker came home from school today talking to the boys about a movie she had seen in class. "It's not for sale yet but Mr. C brought in a bootleg copy."

Of course, I jumped in and said this is NOT okay even if it was a teacher who did it. This issue has come up repeatedly and it drives me crazy. The boys will come back from spending the night at a friend's house having watched movies at their home which are still in the theater...and not all rated appropriately for 9 year olds. Social workers have offered to burn copies of their personal cds for the kids. Not only would I not allow Squeaker to have some the cds that were offered, but that's illegal, people. I have told the kids repeatedly that making or buying pirated copies of cds and dvds is stealing from the producers and artists who own the copyright.

Teachers and social workers and parents offering stolen entertainment to my kids while I am trying to teach them a value system that applies to their whole life without compromise is frustrating. I am also trying to teach them respect for adults and it's an interesting balancing act when I tell them that these adults that I want them to act respectfully towards are acting in a way in which I do not approve.

This is a small thing, but aggravating nonetheless. Many a conscience has been eroded by such small things.

Countdown

One week left of school. I hope it drags by. Squeaker is taking summer school classes so at least that will allow them to get out of the house some. She is in special ed and they offer summer school whether it's needed or not so I always sign her up.

As if to give us a taste of things to come, Sparky and Squeaker had meltdowns on Friday earning room time that afternoon. Given the chance to calm down and start over the next day, both decided to keep going losing their Saturday privileges as well. Squeaker and Drama Boy have also been sniping at each other.

My goal this summer is to impose a consequence when needed and then walk away and let Squeaker rage it out, sort it out, and get some control before I talk to her again. I have a hard time letting rudeness, hatefulness, and disrespect go for the moment to be addressed later. The result is that she continues to escalate, slamming doors and screaming nasty names at me. If I can control the urge to come back at her right then, she is usually able to calm down, apologize, and accept consequences later.

A therapist once told us "When you take kids for short term you work on the kids but when you do long term care you have to work on yourself". I found it to be pretty annoying and patronizing coming from someone who does not have to live with raging children day in and day out...even if there is a lot of truth to it.

I Want to Rock and Roll All Night...And Potty Every Day

Ana and I just finished up another round of Guitar Hero. We have to play late at night or else wait for turns with the kids. Yes, it is an addiction and I do admit it. It's actually an early night for us but we worked in the yard all day so we're extra worn out.
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Two days no accidents. Yes, it's more potty talk but quite an accomplishment for The Boss who often has loo-phobia. I enticed him to try harder with a mini construction lego set, a Bionicle, and way more sugary treats than are good for him. When this is all done he gets a new package of glow-in-the-dark spiderman underwear and a Stargate action figure....his choice, weird kid. At this point, I'll entertain any bribe that works.

Potty All the Time

At the risk of sounding like one of those moms who boringly talks about nothing but her kids' boo-boos and potty habits.....

Potty-training the Boss is HECK. He is so persnickety and phobic and uncooperative about it's making me a little crazy. I'd just let it go except that he's now 4 1/2 and it just needs to get done now.

I know it's not me. Ana and I went from trying to train both the Boss and Seamonkey at once to focusing our attention on Seamonkey first since he seemed at least cooperative. After a few false starts that mission is accomplished.

The Boss is just a different story. Some days it seems he completely forgets how to dress himself let alone take on the whole potty ordeal. I went ahead and bought the legos I promised him as a reward hoping I might jolly him along with some incentive. Now he thinks if he sits on the potty after he wets his pants he should get the legos. Or he thinks if he tells me he went even though he didn't he should get the legos. Or he thinks if he wants the legos he should get the legos.

This isn't really working out too well.

Success and Failure

Happening: The grass is green. Completely green. I should have posted pictures of how embarrassingly brown and crunchy it was to truly demonstrate what a remarkable thing this is.

SO not happening: Potty training the Boss is a dismal, frustrating failure. If I manage to get him anywhere near the toilet he just screams "I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...." That's actually an amendment. He'll go on and on for quite a long time. Sometimes he's pretty rude and screechy too. He probably thinks the same thing about me.