The breakdown begins. Lack of routine, too much sugar, too little sleep, and too much time together is starting to take its toll. Only a few cracks at present and we'll try to hold it together Macgyver-like with duct tape and Christmas ribbon until school starts next Monday.
Squeaker enjoyed her phone call with her sister then stayed up to late and broke down at bedtime because her sister is moving to Texas in the summer. Logic not being in great supply after midnight, she cried that her little sister is the only family member she stays in contact with and gets to see regularly. While she doesn't see any family members often, she has not seen or spoken to her sister since her mother's parental rights were terminated almost four years ago. Several of her family members including her sister's father are permitted to contact her, but sadly they never do. She is the one who maintains periodic contact with aunts, grandparents, sisters, and even her birthdad. This is the family that she would return to in a heartbeat if she could.
The Boss is having a post-shower meltdown this morning. He has discovered that if you repeat the same thing about a zillion times that it drives every grown-up within a ten-mile radius completely round the bend.
Lucky and Squeaker have been getting along reasonably well since Lucky has been gone for a good chunk of vacation. They have been doing each other's hair and nails and shrieking and giggling a lot. Lucky is a pesterer and that gets old pretty quick. She leaves tomorrow to visit the aunt and uncle that she lived with before she came here. They do a big New Year's shin-dig which we definitely don't, so I'm sure she'll be happy to go off to that while we play board games and eat cinnamon popcorn here. We'll enjoy the break from being asked every five minutes what we are doing today, what can she do now, can she take the dogs for a walk, can we go to the store, what are we having for dinner, do you have any more batteries.....?
The Boss is turning purple screaming "I want my puppy" so I guess it's time to go see if he needs any medical intervention.
Update: The Boss just switched to "I wanna get off the bed". Change is nice.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Copacetic
The last vestiges of holiday induced-tension seems to have lifted and everyone is in good spirits today (except Ana who can't seem to stay awake).
Squeaker is talking on the phone to her younger birth sister who she hasn't seen in four years. She just told her step-dad that I said something that I actually never said---although the intent was accurate---but other than that has been happy and appropriate. On the rare occasions that she talks to her older birth sister she is often snippy and accusatory. She has really been missing her birth family this Christmas and had soaked my shirt with tears and snot a couple times over the week. I'm glad they are getting a chance to catch up. Her sister was only four years old the last time they spoke.
C, now referred to here at Snark Bait as "Shorty", has been keeping to himself a lot today probably sleeping and playing video games in his room, but has come down from time to time to play with The Boss.
Stickers seems content puttering around the house.
Lucky wants to go redeem gift cards which we will do this weekend, but has found enough to entertain herself with Christmas gifts and the dogs.
The Boss moves from toy to toy a pro at keeping himself amused.
Everyone has rummaged for their own food and done a fair job of cleaning up after themselves.
We are about to get into a cut-throat game of electronic Monopoly at which we all agree we can find away to cheat...in good fun, of course.
Feels good. I could get used to this.
Squeaker is talking on the phone to her younger birth sister who she hasn't seen in four years. She just told her step-dad that I said something that I actually never said---although the intent was accurate---but other than that has been happy and appropriate. On the rare occasions that she talks to her older birth sister she is often snippy and accusatory. She has really been missing her birth family this Christmas and had soaked my shirt with tears and snot a couple times over the week. I'm glad they are getting a chance to catch up. Her sister was only four years old the last time they spoke.
C, now referred to here at Snark Bait as "Shorty", has been keeping to himself a lot today probably sleeping and playing video games in his room, but has come down from time to time to play with The Boss.
Stickers seems content puttering around the house.
Lucky wants to go redeem gift cards which we will do this weekend, but has found enough to entertain herself with Christmas gifts and the dogs.
The Boss moves from toy to toy a pro at keeping himself amused.
Everyone has rummaged for their own food and done a fair job of cleaning up after themselves.
We are about to get into a cut-throat game of electronic Monopoly at which we all agree we can find away to cheat...in good fun, of course.
Feels good. I could get used to this.
Friday, December 26, 2008
I Should Have Worn My Serious Shoes
Made it through another Christmas! This one was way better than the last few years. Actually make that the last seven years since we started fostering.
Everyone was appropriate and grateful both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day----although not so much helpful with all the added cleaning up that the holidays require but I'll take what I can get and be happy with it.
We're having a very pleasant visit with C, teenage brother of Stickers. He's polite and easy-going just as I remember him when he was younger and lived with us.
We only had one small incident between the girls. Why do teenage girls have to be so snarky to one another for no reason at all? It's not the occasional rude remarks that get to me it's the justification afterwards. This time "Well, the truth hurts sometimes." What the heck? And when I suggested that when faced with the choice of being kind or unkind the right choice is kindness, she turned and walked away from me pulling out her cell phone. Whatever. I was done anyway as nothing I say makes a dang bit of difference.
And maybe it's just me, but I did feel just the slightest bit ridiculous addressing the situation while wearing sock monkey slippers.
Everyone was appropriate and grateful both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day----although not so much helpful with all the added cleaning up that the holidays require but I'll take what I can get and be happy with it.
We're having a very pleasant visit with C, teenage brother of Stickers. He's polite and easy-going just as I remember him when he was younger and lived with us.
We only had one small incident between the girls. Why do teenage girls have to be so snarky to one another for no reason at all? It's not the occasional rude remarks that get to me it's the justification afterwards. This time "Well, the truth hurts sometimes." What the heck? And when I suggested that when faced with the choice of being kind or unkind the right choice is kindness, she turned and walked away from me pulling out her cell phone. Whatever. I was done anyway as nothing I say makes a dang bit of difference.
And maybe it's just me, but I did feel just the slightest bit ridiculous addressing the situation while wearing sock monkey slippers.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Good Enough
I'm going to go ahead and call it a pretty good day.
Sticker's brother C arrived and I promptly set him to work changing lightbulbs (he's a tall guy!). The Boss is ecstatic to have a "big boy" to play with.
Ana, Sticker's, and C plus two of the dogs ran errands in the afternoon. I stayed home with my grumpy kids.
Later I took the kids to the super stuff mart so one of them could print pictures and I could replace our depleted supply of laundry vinegar. If they weren't over their attitudes, at least they acted like they were. Often they do recover from their moody snits while I'm still smarting, frustrated, and annoyed. That's just how it goes. My problem, I guess.
I don't expect perfect days or perfect kids. Most days, I just have to let pretty good be good enough.
Sticker's brother C arrived and I promptly set him to work changing lightbulbs (he's a tall guy!). The Boss is ecstatic to have a "big boy" to play with.
Ana, Sticker's, and C plus two of the dogs ran errands in the afternoon. I stayed home with my grumpy kids.
Later I took the kids to the super stuff mart so one of them could print pictures and I could replace our depleted supply of laundry vinegar. If they weren't over their attitudes, at least they acted like they were. Often they do recover from their moody snits while I'm still smarting, frustrated, and annoyed. That's just how it goes. My problem, I guess.
I don't expect perfect days or perfect kids. Most days, I just have to let pretty good be good enough.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Allegations Part 2 and Parties for 2
Stickers moved back in on Wednesday. She has always visited frequently and for long periods of time so right now it feels like a visit except that she brought her dog and has been hauling stuff upstairs and has already done a load of laundry. She needs to enroll in college classes here and has a job in a nearby mountain community lined up for after Christmas. Seems like she has things well in hand. Her 16 year old brother (who also lived with us five years ago) will come on Monday and spend Christmas with us.
We had another CPS investigator out here yesterday, this time asking questions about an incident more than three years ago that none of us knew about (if it even ever happened) due to allegations of a child we don't really even remember. Remember, we did crisis care and had hundreds of kids through our homes some staying only overnight and some for months. Thankfully, the allegations were not against us. Nothing came of it except that we stressed for an entire day from the time she called to her actual visit since they won't tell you what they are investigating. We cannot think of any way such an incident could have occurred with any child in our home. She questioned our older kids but Squeaker was the only one around at that time and of course she knew nothing either. Totally ridiculous. And they wonder why they don't have enough foster homes.
Tonight we celebrate Lucky's birthday (12) which is actually tomorrow. Tomorrow we celebrate The Boss' birthday (5) which is actually Monday. School is out today so let the holiday/birthday partying begin!
We had another CPS investigator out here yesterday, this time asking questions about an incident more than three years ago that none of us knew about (if it even ever happened) due to allegations of a child we don't really even remember. Remember, we did crisis care and had hundreds of kids through our homes some staying only overnight and some for months. Thankfully, the allegations were not against us. Nothing came of it except that we stressed for an entire day from the time she called to her actual visit since they won't tell you what they are investigating. We cannot think of any way such an incident could have occurred with any child in our home. She questioned our older kids but Squeaker was the only one around at that time and of course she knew nothing either. Totally ridiculous. And they wonder why they don't have enough foster homes.
Tonight we celebrate Lucky's birthday (12) which is actually tomorrow. Tomorrow we celebrate The Boss' birthday (5) which is actually Monday. School is out today so let the holiday/birthday partying begin!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
"It's Everywhere!"
The Boss has lots and lots of very thick, coarse, sticky-up hair. He also has some sensory issues and is easily bothered by uncomfortable things touching his skin.
This combination makes haircutting a nightmare. I have to bribe him with candy, ice cream, cookies and all other manner of junk food. For one haircut he got a donut, ice cream, and coke for breakfast following (it's was Thanksgiving morning, I can justify that has a special treat for the holiday, right?). And that's just to get him to sit in the chair.
His last haircut was, by far, the worst we've had in a while. Dreading the inevitable, I had let him get way too poofy. He thrashed, kicked, screamed, slithered off the chair, and yelled "Owie, owie, owie. It's itchy!" incessantly. Ana had to hold him while I did the best I could with the scissors. I really wanted to pull out the clippers but he about went through the roof when I suggested it even though it's a much faster solution to the poof problem.
All that movement caused the clipped hair to go down his shirt and get all over his face and hands resulting in him screaming "It's everywhere!" repeatedly. He rubbed an itchy spot on his chest until it welted and then bled. Haircuts should just not be this traumatic (and the Boss had a pretty rough time too).
He was such a stinker afterwards that he only got one piece of chocolate but at least the deed is done for another month or so.
He is pretty darn cute though!
This combination makes haircutting a nightmare. I have to bribe him with candy, ice cream, cookies and all other manner of junk food. For one haircut he got a donut, ice cream, and coke for breakfast following (it's was Thanksgiving morning, I can justify that has a special treat for the holiday, right?). And that's just to get him to sit in the chair.
His last haircut was, by far, the worst we've had in a while. Dreading the inevitable, I had let him get way too poofy. He thrashed, kicked, screamed, slithered off the chair, and yelled "Owie, owie, owie. It's itchy!" incessantly. Ana had to hold him while I did the best I could with the scissors. I really wanted to pull out the clippers but he about went through the roof when I suggested it even though it's a much faster solution to the poof problem.
All that movement caused the clipped hair to go down his shirt and get all over his face and hands resulting in him screaming "It's everywhere!" repeatedly. He rubbed an itchy spot on his chest until it welted and then bled. Haircuts should just not be this traumatic (and the Boss had a pretty rough time too).
He was such a stinker afterwards that he only got one piece of chocolate but at least the deed is done for another month or so.
He is pretty darn cute though!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Tasty the Snowman
We baked last night. Ana decorated a couple cookies for me and delivered them to my room for an early Christmas present.
Hmmmmm....only one left.
Let's have a look.
Kind of blurry. Maybe he's in a blizzard.
Check out that profile.
C'mon over here, Cyrano. I just want to show you something.
Chomp.
Look. Still jolly. Chomp.
Saved the schnozzola for last. CHOMP.
Look at Tasty go.
She made me a stocking too but I socked that one away last night. Ha! Get it? Socked. Ha ha ha. Oooookay, a little too much sugar for Monica and not enough caffiene.
Back to work and laundry.
Hmmmmm....only one left.
Let's have a look.
Kind of blurry. Maybe he's in a blizzard.
Check out that profile.
C'mon over here, Cyrano. I just want to show you something.
Chomp.
Look. Still jolly. Chomp.
Saved the schnozzola for last. CHOMP.
Look at Tasty go.
She made me a stocking too but I socked that one away last night. Ha! Get it? Socked. Ha ha ha. Oooookay, a little too much sugar for Monica and not enough caffiene.
Back to work and laundry.
How to Make the Kiddies Cry
Last week Tappy was here for respite and we were going out to choose a Christmas tree. Ana and I hate going out to choose a Christmas tree. We were trying to decide between a fresh tree or an artificial one with the peanut gallery piping in all around.
Let's not go out, we said, let's just use last year's tree! The ultimate recycling! How green of us....way better than regifting! Ana ran out to the side yard and retrieved it. It once was a six foot Douglas fir that we got free from our church. It was a nice little tree last year. We missed the tree pick-up with our trash service so we tossed it in the side yard. When it dried out we cut off the branches and burned them in our fire pit. What a bonfire! The neighbors probably feared for their homes. It was awesome. Now it is a six foot stump with short, spiky branches sticking out all over. Perfect! we declared.
Oh, the pouting and the whining that ensued. Pretty hilarious. Always fun to make the kids cry around Christmas time.
Here's our "cowboy tree" which now graces a corner of our dining room.
I think it turned out pretty nice indeed.
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Okay, so we got a little fake tree too. Here's how that one turned out.
Incidentally, one of the things we hate about setting up live trees is all the work it takes to get it into the stand and make it stand straight. So instead we spent two days trying to make the fake tree stand up straight. At least my arms didn't get an itchy rash like they do with a fresh tree, but frustrating nonetheless.
Next year this tree will become our "kid ornament" tree. Every year we give the kids a new ornament that goes on their tree. We still have a three foot tree for that but clearly need to move on to a bigger one.
This was taken immediately after I broke Peaches' really cool new handpainted ornament. And I thought I was done shopping...guess I'll have to go out and replace that one.
Let's not go out, we said, let's just use last year's tree! The ultimate recycling! How green of us....way better than regifting! Ana ran out to the side yard and retrieved it. It once was a six foot Douglas fir that we got free from our church. It was a nice little tree last year. We missed the tree pick-up with our trash service so we tossed it in the side yard. When it dried out we cut off the branches and burned them in our fire pit. What a bonfire! The neighbors probably feared for their homes. It was awesome. Now it is a six foot stump with short, spiky branches sticking out all over. Perfect! we declared.
Oh, the pouting and the whining that ensued. Pretty hilarious. Always fun to make the kids cry around Christmas time.
Here's our "cowboy tree" which now graces a corner of our dining room.
I think it turned out pretty nice indeed.
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Okay, so we got a little fake tree too. Here's how that one turned out.
Incidentally, one of the things we hate about setting up live trees is all the work it takes to get it into the stand and make it stand straight. So instead we spent two days trying to make the fake tree stand up straight. At least my arms didn't get an itchy rash like they do with a fresh tree, but frustrating nonetheless.
Next year this tree will become our "kid ornament" tree. Every year we give the kids a new ornament that goes on their tree. We still have a three foot tree for that but clearly need to move on to a bigger one.
This was taken immediately after I broke Peaches' really cool new handpainted ornament. And I thought I was done shopping...guess I'll have to go out and replace that one.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Losses
My sixteen-year-old cat, Sinclair, ran away last week. Totally weird since he always sticks really close to the house when he gets outside. We even saw him on the fence (how he got up there, I don't know) but thought he'd come straight back. I'm pretty sure somebody took him in, which is good. It's kind of sad that he's gone but, I have to say, life is much easier without a cat. It does mean the loss of a really good, early 90's obscure tv-reference name though.
I'll be out of a job at the end of the month. A bunch of people got unceremoniously yanked off the air and/or sacked today. Happy Christmas. I'm an independent contractor and work from home so it didn't affect me quite the same way. I can bill them through the end of the month. Pretty nutty around the office today, I heard. Gotta love the radio biz.
I'll be out of a job at the end of the month. A bunch of people got unceremoniously yanked off the air and/or sacked today. Happy Christmas. I'm an independent contractor and work from home so it didn't affect me quite the same way. I can bill them through the end of the month. Pretty nutty around the office today, I heard. Gotta love the radio biz.
Christmas Party
We went to our agency's Christmas Party yesterday afternoon. It was nice and all the kids enjoyed it. Some great young people in the Navy who work at our local veterans hospital personally bought, wrapped, donated, and delivered gifts for some of the kids. Then they stayed to watch the children open them. A total hit. They seemed to enjoy it as much as the kids. One of them had been in foster care as a child and was later adopted. He was very excited to spearhead the Navy's involvement this year.
The Boss got some Transformers toys and was practically knocking over the furniture in his haste to open it (with the helping hands of two of the staff members little boys). He even sat on Santa's lap to get them something he had vowed repeatedly not to do.
Afterwards, he said "See, Mommy, you don't get me toys. Santa brings me toys!"
The Boss got some Transformers toys and was practically knocking over the furniture in his haste to open it (with the helping hands of two of the staff members little boys). He even sat on Santa's lap to get them something he had vowed repeatedly not to do.
Afterwards, he said "See, Mommy, you don't get me toys. Santa brings me toys!"
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Stuff We're Doing
It's that time of the year with lots of new kids into the foster care system so we've been getting calls for placement of young children. Unusual since our agency mostly places older kids. Today we got calls for two sets of sisters each with a baby and a younger elementary girl. The distance we now live from our licensing county is a barrier to actually getting any new-to-the-system kids in our home since they tend to have more frequent visits. It would be fun to have some little girls here for Christmas though.
Squeaker continues her swing of friendly, cooperative behavior. Always nice to be on this end of the pendulum for however long it lasts.
Lucky just returned from science camp. Only two minor injuries while there, one canoe finger-crush incident and one rock wall chin bashing, so not bad.
Stickers moves back home (with us) next week. She's never spent Christmas with us so we are almost as excited as "baby's first Christmas".
The Boss is his goofy little self, stoked about turning five in less than two weeks. Where did my little fluffy-headed baby go? I can't believe he'll be in school next year. I love 5/6 year old little boys...such a fun age.
Off to see the girls perform for their last night of cheer.
Squeaker continues her swing of friendly, cooperative behavior. Always nice to be on this end of the pendulum for however long it lasts.
Lucky just returned from science camp. Only two minor injuries while there, one canoe finger-crush incident and one rock wall chin bashing, so not bad.
Stickers moves back home (with us) next week. She's never spent Christmas with us so we are almost as excited as "baby's first Christmas".
The Boss is his goofy little self, stoked about turning five in less than two weeks. Where did my little fluffy-headed baby go? I can't believe he'll be in school next year. I love 5/6 year old little boys...such a fun age.
Off to see the girls perform for their last night of cheer.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Summing Up
Computer back in the shop. Back on the slowbie (again grateful yet impatient). Too hard to blog so will bullet point the day.
Better behavior from Squeaker after non-lecture but "this is the way it's gonna be" talk from me last night. Her appearance in our town Christmas parade is at stake so I think I'll get perfect behavior all week.
The Boss is hyper and crazy lately and asking if he can have a "big boy" come live with us. Also asking for a dad. I'll get right on that, son.
Lucky enjoying her new cupboard-under-the-stairs hidey-hole that Ana made for her this week to get away from Squeaker when she's being mean. "There's no such thing as magic!"
After 5+ years since she left, Stickers is ready to come on back home to us now that she is 18.
The agency imploring us to take more kids because the crisis shelter is packed and there are not enough homes. Would need a three-to-a-room waiver to make that possible since it's brother/sister sibs (girl 6 and boy 8--there's The Boss' "big boy") and we only have one room.
Tappy coming this weekend for respite.
The rude dogs keep getting out from under the fence. Why do we have dogs again?
Otherwise, all is calm and all is bright. Very much looking forward to Christmas this year minus the ever ungrateful Drama Boy and Sparky.
Better behavior from Squeaker after non-lecture but "this is the way it's gonna be" talk from me last night. Her appearance in our town Christmas parade is at stake so I think I'll get perfect behavior all week.
The Boss is hyper and crazy lately and asking if he can have a "big boy" come live with us. Also asking for a dad. I'll get right on that, son.
Lucky enjoying her new cupboard-under-the-stairs hidey-hole that Ana made for her this week to get away from Squeaker when she's being mean. "There's no such thing as magic!"
After 5+ years since she left, Stickers is ready to come on back home to us now that she is 18.
The agency imploring us to take more kids because the crisis shelter is packed and there are not enough homes. Would need a three-to-a-room waiver to make that possible since it's brother/sister sibs (girl 6 and boy 8--there's The Boss' "big boy") and we only have one room.
Tappy coming this weekend for respite.
The rude dogs keep getting out from under the fence. Why do we have dogs again?
Otherwise, all is calm and all is bright. Very much looking forward to Christmas this year minus the ever ungrateful Drama Boy and Sparky.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Mean Girls
It's distressing to me how mean Squeaker can be.
I understand rages and lack of self-control in kids who have been deeply hurt but the spite and meanness is very hard for me to take. It's interesting to me to observe my own reactions to Squeaker. I love her very much all of the time despite the fact that she acts unloveable most of the time. I find myself with feelings of affection for her more when she is not with me and then it's a rude shock when she comes back and the attitude and defiance kicks in again. It's sad but true that I like her better when I am not with her because she is so darn mean. And lately she has become petulant and demanding too not getting it that when she cusses me out in the morning and then turns on the charm asking for something later in the day that I'm not really going to be feeling it. I'm not talking about taking care of her needs and making sure she is loved, warm, fed, educated, and secure. Of course, these things are given freely no matter how she behaves. But all those "extras" she's taken to begging for and hinting at are not likely to fall into her greedy little paws while she is treating everybody so badly (not to mention owing me two months worth of allowance for stealing, refusing to do chores, and her trash-talking potty mouth).
Lucky and The Boss keep coming to us saying that she is being mean to them and she can be truly vicious especially to the two of them. Peaches won't let her sit next to Seamonkey in the car. Her attitude and behavior are becoming real barriers in her relationship with me. Then she screams at me that the other two kids are my favorites and they never get into trouble. Well, check it out, they don't cuss me out on a regular basis. Her profanity and disrespect directed at me and Ana are truly astounding.
It's so frustrating because I don't want to live like this and don't want her to have to live filled with so much hatefulness and meanness but we just can't seem to break through with any long-term change. I'm sorry to say that I don't have much hope for things to change any time soon. I want to be able to expect and hope for a positive future for my kids and not hold her back by my low expectations but I also realize that if my expectations are too high she will be frustrated at never being able to live up to them.
Mental illness is so mean and unfair. Child abuse is so mean and unfair. Losing one's family is so mean and unfair. Feeling unloved and unwanted is so mean and unfair.
No wonder.
I understand rages and lack of self-control in kids who have been deeply hurt but the spite and meanness is very hard for me to take. It's interesting to me to observe my own reactions to Squeaker. I love her very much all of the time despite the fact that she acts unloveable most of the time. I find myself with feelings of affection for her more when she is not with me and then it's a rude shock when she comes back and the attitude and defiance kicks in again. It's sad but true that I like her better when I am not with her because she is so darn mean. And lately she has become petulant and demanding too not getting it that when she cusses me out in the morning and then turns on the charm asking for something later in the day that I'm not really going to be feeling it. I'm not talking about taking care of her needs and making sure she is loved, warm, fed, educated, and secure. Of course, these things are given freely no matter how she behaves. But all those "extras" she's taken to begging for and hinting at are not likely to fall into her greedy little paws while she is treating everybody so badly (not to mention owing me two months worth of allowance for stealing, refusing to do chores, and her trash-talking potty mouth).
Lucky and The Boss keep coming to us saying that she is being mean to them and she can be truly vicious especially to the two of them. Peaches won't let her sit next to Seamonkey in the car. Her attitude and behavior are becoming real barriers in her relationship with me. Then she screams at me that the other two kids are my favorites and they never get into trouble. Well, check it out, they don't cuss me out on a regular basis. Her profanity and disrespect directed at me and Ana are truly astounding.
It's so frustrating because I don't want to live like this and don't want her to have to live filled with so much hatefulness and meanness but we just can't seem to break through with any long-term change. I'm sorry to say that I don't have much hope for things to change any time soon. I want to be able to expect and hope for a positive future for my kids and not hold her back by my low expectations but I also realize that if my expectations are too high she will be frustrated at never being able to live up to them.
Mental illness is so mean and unfair. Child abuse is so mean and unfair. Losing one's family is so mean and unfair. Feeling unloved and unwanted is so mean and unfair.
No wonder.
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