Tender-Hearted

The Boss pitched a royal fit last night and when I told him I was sick of his behavior he said rudely, "Well, I'm sick of you." Way to express yourself, kiddo, and by the way no ice cream. He cried a little bit about the ice cream and then talked to himself for about fifteen minutes, "I'm so mad right now. I'm really mad at you. I'm not talking to anybody any more. I want ice cream so I'm not talking to anybody. I'm just going to be really mad. That is so rude. I really want ice cream."

Pretty funny since it was a "toilet-talk" because he happened to be in the bathroom on the pot at the time.

Thankfully, he is generally a sweet boy even though he can be pretty stubborn and strong-willed. It's important to him to make things right immediately. While he was laying in bed he said several times, "I am so sorry, Mommy." and crawled over so he could say right into my face "Mommy, I apologize you."

I'm so glad he is such a good-hearted guy even with the kinds of language and behavior he has had swirling around him from other kids for almost five years. I'm as proud as can be that he is polite and loving and so fond of his aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. My only explanation is that God has answered my prayers and protected him from negative influence of some of our most troubled and angry kids. I kept him close to me when he was small but now he holds his own pretty well. He told Squeaker the other day, "You don't have to be so rude to me." Although when she stuck her tongue out at him later, he responded in kind. He knows to just walk away from a situtation if the big kids get mean or rude.

I worry that his good-natured little self will be ruined by the chaos that we seem to live with but, on the flip side, I do hope that somehow it teaches him to be kind, patient, and forgiving.

I think we're all finding that it's extremely hard to actually live the aftermath of past trauma day to day even for those of us who have been given the grace and desire to help hurting kids. My greatest hope is that we are not creating more of them by adding almost "normal" kids to our crazy bunch.

Bye Bye Drama

Drama Boy left on Wednesday but he held true to his blog name until the very end. On the night before Sparky left a few months ago, DB had a big crying fit over something. I can't even remember what it was now except that it certainly had something to do with something he thought he should get but didn't. On Wednesday he was teary and rude because he thought Ana should have brought him a present and a better dessert when she went to the store. Oh, boo hoo. She bought him a drum at the thrift store the day before even though he acted like a bug when we found clothes for The Boss and the girls and not for him.

Anyhoo...never at a loss for irony....we packed up two bins of toys, two huge bags of stuffed animals and bedding, two backpacks full of stuff, a gigantic suitcase plus a box of clothes, three guitars, two amps, a tv and game system, a box of outdoor toys, and the drum. He had like 50 shirts (not kidding) and at least five toothbrushes that I packed. It's a darn shame nobody ever bought anything for the kid, or so he told his mom who told it to the social worker who turned it into a referral and an investigation.

And just to show their conviction of his deprivation, his grandma was going to transport their mom, both boys, and all of their belongings in a Saturn. We had to wedge his stuff into every available space in my Expedition with only a small hole for him to squeeze into. When Sparky left he also had a huge suitcase, several boxes, bedding. He left some things with DB that we had to send on Wednesday too.

We've had several occasions that the parents have been so upset and angry over the loss of their kids that they have insisted that the kids are in more danger in foster care. One nutty mother even alleged that her two year old girl was molested by a little boy in the home. That boy was practically a baby and still in diapers. It's sick that some of these kids will always think they were victimized when it's a complete lie.

At least Sparky and Drama Boy's grandma knows the truth even though she made all sorts of crazy accusations in support of her daughter (cold hotdogs? good grief). She told Ana thank you and said if we ever need anything or have any kind of emergency we can call her.

Yeah, thanks. If ever we need an emergency knife in the back we'll be sure to call.

Happy Thanksgiving All

My laptop crashed and burned again so I have been neglectful of my working and my blogging but I'm back up on my borrowed replacement which I'm thankful I had not yet returned.

Drama Boy left yesterday and I'll blog on that tomorrow.

For now, just wanted to post my thankful list before I figure out how to transport fresh out of the oven pies.

On top of my list, I'm thankful that the adoptions on all my children are finalized at last. I love having to fill out forms now because I get to put their new names! God has blessed me with the gift of two beautiful daughters and a sweetheart of a son and then (dyenu!) bonused me with a grandson. They make my life so sweet despite the challenges.

I'm thankful for wonderfully loving and supportive parents; amazing, courageous, fun brothers and sisters and their spouses who are like brother and sisters. I'm especially thankful for my twin sister Ana, partner in crime since, well, before birth. Without her to laugh with about the craziness, I would have quit after the first few kids.

I'm thankful for my fun, funny, and adorable nieces and nephews....yes, the big ones are adorable too.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to minister to foster children, even though often we don't get to see the fruit of our labor, and for the churches and individuals who help us continue to do so.

And I'm thankful that we have a savior and redeemer who steps in and holds the broken-hearted, places the solitary in families, and loves us no matter what.

Have a blessed and happy day filled with much to be thankful for.

Have Kids Will Shop

I can't wait to be done with Christmas shopping. I'm nearly there. I've spent much more time and money in stores than I am used to. It's always kind of fun at the start and then I get bored with it. We have a few electronic items to get but will have to wait until after Thanksgiving since the kids are out this week and it's hard to sneak away from them and impossible to take them even when shopping for the other kids. Since Squeaker steals she has to be constantly in view. The Boss begs and whines and asks for everything and is generally too pesky to take shopping. Drama Boy pouts if anybody else gets anything and none of them can keep a secret.

We took the kids to a pizza place for lunch. They played some video games and made it known that they did not get enough tokens. Always a treat to spend time with them.

We had to bag our planned library visit because we forgot it was Monday and the library is closed. We went to the thrift store instead to find a suitcase for Drama Boy. No suitcases but we found a pretty good haul of clothes for Lucky, Squeaker, and The Boss. Squeaker was miffed that I nixed a couple of shirts, one too low, one too holey, and one because it was a maternity shirt, but otherwise was cooperative.

The Boss flipped the cart over onto himself and begged for chips and coke from the vending machine. Drama Boy sulked because he couldn't find any clothes but was happy that he was allowed to get a good sized drum that he found.

Nobody said thank you but everybody was well-behaved overall and amazingly there was no bickering (except for a brief Squeaker/Boss flap) so no complaints from me.

The Mouthpiece

Only Drama Boy, The Boss, and Squeaker are home today. They all seemed to be doing pretty well and were getting along fine so we made the colossal mistake of leaving them alone in the living room unsupervised while we were in another room.

During that time, Squeaker got mad at DB for playing with The Boss and demanded that she gets to play with him because "he's my brother". The Boss still wanted to play with DB so she called them both names. Then she ordered The Boss to take something upstairs to his room and when he said, "I can't. I'm scared" she told him "I don't care. Take it now." So Drama Boy went with him.

Shortly after that she came to tattle that Drama Boy was telling The Boss to call her names. Ana called The Boss into the room and asked him about it. He admitted that Drama Boy told him to say unkind things to Squeaker. When I asked him if he was supposed to say those words he said "No" so I told him that he did not have to listen to DB and Squeaker only to Mommy and Auntie.

He then said that Squeaker had been calling him names and telling him to call Drama Boy names. He repeated all of them. The kid's gonna have as foul a mouth as the rest of them soon.

So we had to confess to the kids that we errored gravely in allowing them to have any unsupervised time together and let them know that it wasn't going to happen again. Somehow they can't figure out why it is so wrong to use a little kid to call each other names and to fight over him like two dogs with a bone. I sent them for showers and made their dinner so they could go up to their rooms early.

Drama Boy cried and Squeaker screamed and cussed at me and they both blamed each other. They're nothing if not predictable.

Oh Happy Day

My computer is fixed and back home where it belongs! Okay, big deal...but it's the little things that make me happy.

Drama Boy will be going on an overnight visit this weekend and, along with Sparky, will return "home" (it's a facility but whatever) to his birth mom next Wednesday.

Yep.

I don't even know what to say about that except that I hope and pray and wish and desire for things to work out for them but it's just not a good situation and if their mom really thinks that all of their problems will disappear just because they are with her and not "strangers" she is going to be in for quite a shock.

Ack. Hack. Thbbft.

I made it through the whole day without a nap. Yea, me.

Now if I could just get up all those hairballs. I can't stop hacking and blowing.

Squeaker did pretty well today although she did ask if she could watch a movie (No), play guitar hero (No), and go to a friend's house (No). She did her chores, washed the dogs, helped put laundry away, and brought me warm broth when she made her own lunch.

The Boss spent the whole day with Ana running eight hours of errands. Booooorrrring! But it gave me a nice break today to get other stuff done. Now he keeps asking me questions and I have to keep telling him I can't talk because my throat is sore, I'm losing my voice, and I keep having coughing fits. I don't care if he stays up all night coloring as long as he doesn't expect me to say anything.

Another nice Saturday.

Poor, Poor Pitiful Me

I'm sicker today than yesterday but I'm hoping that means that it will be heading the other way soon. I haven't felt this cruddy in a long time. One of the littles is sick now too which is pretty gross. I'm gross too but I don't wipe my snot on the couch cushions.

Should make for a grumpy weekend. Ana will be gone a lot of the day tomorrow dropping of kids and doing errands way down in our old stomping grounds. I get to stay home with the grumpies and Squeaker who lost all privileges until she can go two whole days without cussing me out.

Pity...party of one, your table is now ready.

Bitter With The Sweet

Today when I told The Boss we would work on his preschool he cheered and said, "Mom, you make me sooooo happy!" Awwwwwwwww. My Angel Boy makes me so happy too.

That sure beats the "Bite Me" and "F--- You" responses I get from child #2.

Ill-Gotten Booty

That's two booty title posts in a row. I'm having an odd week.

And speaking of ill, I'm feeling sick today so I've been trying to work my regular job and keep up with things around the house between naps. Ana has been doing a lot of the chores that I normally do (breakfast, laundry) along with rearranging the toy closet and the living room.

I've been keeping my posts short because my usual speedy computer decided to take a vacation from its responsibilities which I think is quite rude. I'm on a borrowed one that just doesn't want to keep up with me (although I am extremely grateful to have it since I do like to continue to work and get paid and blog and all that.) Okay, where am I? Oh, here I am.

I have found evidence that Squeaker shoplifted from two stores over the weekend and the fault is totally my own. I know that she has that problem but for some reason I completely forgot that she is not allowed to wander around stores alone or without an adult and I allowed it twice. In the past she has even taken things when I am standing right there...and usually I am pretty observant. I have been suspicious enough to have sometimes checked pockets and waistbands right after a shopping trip and had her return stolen items to the store. (Okay, it was the wrong store but that's a different story altogether...and a funny one too.)

Just a few weeks ago, I searched her backback on a hunch and found my iPod which she was trying to sneak off to school. (My hunch was actually about a note from her teacher...can I help it if I turn it around and look like a detecting genius?)

After that incident, I really should have remembered that she is not allowed unsupervised in stores for even a few minutes and I told her that I wouldn't put her in that position. I really was in a good mood over the weekend and somehow believed everybody was a little bit normal. It really was delightful while it lasted though.

Someone Put This Booty in This Lap

Requested by The Boss yesterday when he wanted Auntie to hold him complete with finger pointing to booty and lap. Where does he get these things? Not from me.

Sounds like a line from a really bad pop song.

Ignorance is Bliss

The weekend was made better by the fact that I missed a call from Squeaker's teacher on Friday letting me know she had a "rough" day on Thursday when he was out sick. On Friday when he was going to impose her in-school suspension, she flipped out and thoroughly cussed him out and had to be sent to the counselor's office. Didn't get that message until last night.

I had a lot on my mind last night regarding a few of the kids, but decided to put off worrying about it until the next day. So instead all the situations I was thinking about invaded my dreams in much worse scenarios than they actually are in real life. Hardly a restful night.

This week I get to do all the little errands and unpleasant chores I have put out of my mind and have been procrastinating on for too long. At least I won't have to keep trying to figure them out while I'm sleeping.

A Good Day

Tappy is here for the weekend for respite. Everybody was cheerful and cooperative. Almost everybody did their chores. Ana and I got Guitar Hero World Tour with our birthday money. We blew off cleaning out the garage to play it and to take the kids shopping. Drama Boy and The Boss played together with toys and were both funny and happy today. Squeaker didn't have a problem with anybody all day.

All around a pretty nice day.

Rocky At Best

Squeaker's behavior continues to be somewhat erratic. She flies off the handle for no apparent reason, wallows around in anger and defiance, then recovers and is fine for a little while.

The frequency of the episodes is beginning to cause me some concern as we had these angry outbursts down to about once a week but now they are almost daily again. We went through this a few years back when we were in the process of getting a correct diagnosis and getting her meds figured out. Maybe it's time to increase them? I'm not sure. Obviously I expect some ups and downs but I haven't been able to get a straight answer from someone who knows about bipolar to know when it's "as good as it gets".

Meanwhile, since we charge a fine for use of the F-word, she has already cussed away a week and half worth of allowance. She also loses a month's worth of allowance paying me back for the shirt I bought for choir (which she dropped after three weeks in a dramatic fit of temper) and the school lunches charged to her account (because she refuses to take lunch).

She has apologized for her behavior yesterday and seems in earnest about doing extra chores to knock down her debt more quickly. However, every time someone rubs her the wrong way or she gets an answer she doesn't like, I get slammed by her disrespectful attitude and her foul mouth.

I'm beginning to dread the next four years.

Haircut Hysteria

Drama Boy came back from his visit last weekend with bleach-orange hair and a weed-hacker haircut that he did himself. The deal Ana made with him was that if he wanted to dye all of his hair then he needed to trim up his shaggy, Disney-channel 'do.

So Ana went out with him to get his hair cut. He went agreeably enough. But in the car he started having a fit, cursing and crying and carrying on finally telling Ana if she made him cut his hair he would kill himself but make it look like she killed him.

Who says we don't have sweet children?

So she brought him back home and sent him to his room.

Then she decided to take Lucky to get a trim instead and so, naturally, DB had to freak out that she gets to have a haircut and he doesn't.

He fussed and whined and screamed about the unfairness of it all. You see, it's not that he didn't want a haircut it's that he didn't want a haircut from that particular hair cuttery. He ranted and rambled into the subject of unfair allowances and other imaginary injustices and discrepancies that litter his muddled little brain.

So then Ana agreed to take him for a haircut when she took Lucky.
"WHY?!?", says I. (Aren't I the supportive one?)

Well, I guess it's better than another false allegation.

Punk.

Allegations

The investigator left a little while ago. She actually wasn't a regular allegations investigator but the new social worker on Drama Boy's case.

DB didn't know anything about it and she said he was surprised. So I'm thinking based on past experience that the mom or grandma are at it again.

Kind of along the lines of the "cold hotdog" allegation of a while back, she asked questions like "How often do you get his hair cut?"; "How often do you buy him clothes?"; "How often does he get allowance?"; "Do you think you give {Lucky} preferential treatment?"; and "Do you make him walk home from the park late at night?".

Sounds a little like the things mom and grandma come up with based on his constant whining and complaining about everything.

She wasn't asking me, she was asking Ana and I was just eavesdropping. Ana was a lot nicer than I would have been about some of the ridiculous, made-up accusations so probably a very good thing that she wasn't asking me. These boys and their mom have basically said they will say whatever they need to to get what they want, yet all allegations have to be investigated no matter how far-fetched.

I wonder why it is that they have a hard time recruiting and retaining foster parents?

I Caved

But only on the not going to school part.

She took meds this morning and was reasonably cheerful and cooperative. I had some errands to do including changing Peaches' name at the school district office and getting out to vote. Plus the borrowed computer I'm on is a bit on the painfully slow side so it takes me longer to get work done. I really was just a big ol' wimp and didn't want to deal with rude and cantankerous while I had a lot to do today so I let her go.

I did tell her I was going to call her teacher and counselor and drop both the choir and teacher aide classes. Her only mainstream classes will be math and english. IF we add a third mainstream next semester it will be an academic class like social studies and that is only IF she is in compliance with rules at home and at school. She will also need to take her evening meds as soon as she gets home from school so it will be easier to make sure she is complying on that point.

I spoke with her teacher and he did not have the whole story either but agreed with me that she was manipulating everyone into getting what she wanted. He was trying to stall her so he could talk to me about the switch but she went directly to the counselor without a pass and got him to agree to it. From now on she will not be allowed to make any changes to her schedule directly with the school counselor. He thought it would be good for her to have the responsibility but I can hardly agree that it is appropriate for her to be traipsing around the campus when, even at home, line-of-sight supervision is required nearly all of the time.

She was not happy with how things worked out for her this morning but after all the lies were confronted she really wasn't in a position to continue to argue.

The Party's Over

Grandma left today and the old snarky Squeaker returned.

Three weeks ago she rearranged her school schedule to join choir. She called me and begged....please, please, please...you know I've always wanted to sing. I agreed hesitantly when she was on the phone. It turned into a bit of a problem because I had some reservations about her joining and when I did not show the proper amount of enthusiasm she turned it into an afternoon scream-fest. Her behavior addressed and sorted out, she started the following Monday. She neglected to tell me she had two performances that week. For one I had to take her early to school (she normally rides the bus) and the other was on a Saturday where we already had plans. She also forgot to mention that before those performances I had to buy her school choir shirt and make sure she had black pants and shoes to wear. Grumble, grumble, grumble....but I did it.

In the midst of this she also decided to join the basketball team at school. I had already said no to this because she is involved in cheer and too many activities for her are not a good thing. That turned into a rip-roaring, multi-day, screaming, door slamming tantrum.

Last week she had to be dropped off early again to be measured for the dress which we will need to buy for more formal concerts. Okay, did it, done. No, I cannot donate sodas for your fundraiser car wash, so sorry.

Then on Friday of last week she announced that she was dropping choir to become an aide in the office. Huh? What's up with that? Screaming, door slamming, F-word spewage, since you ask.

Today the real? truth came out. She had an incident with one of the girls in the class. Squeaker did nothing wrong, the girl just hates her. So she asked to get out of the class so she wouldn't lose it and get suspended. Her counselor really does want her to be an office aide though.

Wait, don't like that one? Well, the plan was to join choir because she needed an elective in order to become office aide. She only took the class so she could drop and become an office aide. Real-ly? So glad I scrambled around (on my birthday!) to get her to all her performances and bought her outfit and endured her tantrums about getting into the class.

Well, what if there's a problem as office aide? There won't be because the only other kid is her best-best friend. REAL-LY? And they get to go around together without a teacher to deliver notices to the classrooms. Oh, so fun.

So of course there won't be a problem. The only problem is that I won't give her a chance. I obviously just want to pick a fight since I am even questioning this move. She is going to trust her kids. I'm giving that the "Snark of the Day" award. So far she's lied and manipulated to get to be office aide and her counselor and resource teacher think it's a good move and I'm the mean, old witch because I'm not on board.

She acted like a horse's patoot all evening, muttered snide comments, told the dog "At least you're loved" and refused meds. SO looking forward to spending the day with her tomorrow because refused meds means no school.

I told her I appreciated her helping me by her actions make the decision about what she's ready for and what she's not. Her reply, "Bite me!"

Yep, so ready to run around campus without adult supervision.